The Loving Nature Of Fear

Fear is part of what all of us should be feeling at the moment. It’s a good thing too! If fear didn’t play its part we’d have become extinct a long time ago. Self preservation is paramount to keeping all of us safe. However if this is the only reason, if all you’re thinking about is the I, it’ll wear you thin quickly. Fear on this level isn’t designed to keep you running for months or years at a time. It certainly won’t be what sustains you during this pandemic.

It can’t. 

To find motivation for long term action, for maintaining integrity, for anything, you have to consider love. Why are you doing it? For the elderly and the sick, the most vulnerable in society, your loved ones and your friends, your grandparents and your parents, your brother and your sisters, your children and your grandchildren…  Why are you doing it? 

Is it because of love or fear? 

I want to stress that listening to and acknowledging your fear is important. It’s telling us something. ie there’s a snake over there – I better walk the other way. Or, there’s a deadly and highly infectious disease outside, maybe I should stay indoors or wear a mask…

However our fears are often based on clinging and attachment – a fear of losing something – whether that’s something you have, control of a situation, other people’s behaviour, how society and governments should function, etc. 

Fear is telling us something about reality we wish were different. It’s telling us to act and to make it so! What’s often lost on people is what exactly needs to change. I can tell you, far more often than not, it isn’t reality that needs to change. Reality is perfectly fine as it is, because it can’t be any other way. It’s your expectations of reality. 

If you’re feeling angry that’s coming from you. It’s your emotion to deal with and take responsibility for. The same applies to anxiety and depression. Emotions I know well. They are my responsibility to deal with. Whether that means I need to take time to meditate or seek therapy – I need to work out the why. I need to understand before I can change – before I can accept what I cannot change. 

Ultimately fear is asking for us to change something or accept something. With regards to situations we have little or no control over, acceptance is key. You will never find peace in the moment, if you don’t accept it as it is. If it happens to be a situation like the coronavirus pandemic, as much as we might wish it to be different, if we cannot act, if we cannot change it, we must learn to accept it. That means to accept your fear of the situation. This isn’t easy of course. But I do believe, by acknowledging your fear, understanding it as a shared feeling that millions of others are also experiencing, you are actually coming from a place of love and compassion. It is this, that will lead to acceptance.

Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance, said it beautifully: “When we understand our pain as an intrinsic gateway to compassion, we begin to awaken from the imprisoning story of a suffering self. In the moments when we tenderly hold our anger, for instance, we cut through our identity as an angry self. The anger no longer feels like a personal flaw or an oppressive burden. We begin to see its universal nature—it’s not our anger, it is not our pain. Everyone lives with anger, with fear, with grief.”

She goes on, “Understanding that the pain in our life is an expression of universal suffering opens us to the fullness of Radical Acceptance. Rather than being a problem, our depression, fear and anger are “entrusted to us,” and can be dedicated to our awakening. When we carry our pain with the kindness of acceptance instead of the bitterness of resistance, our hearts become an edgeless sea of compassion.

Even in the grip of fear, pain or depression, we can act from love. In fact it’s possible fear can stir in us far greater compassion and love, than we otherwise knew we had.

Here’s a definition of courage for you:

Courage is acting from a place of love, doing what you know to be right, not in the absence of fear, but in spite of it. 

Let me ask you a question.

If you see a child, let’s say it’s your child, step out onto the road into oncoming traffic and you take the courageous decision to run out to save his or her life. Was that decision to save your child’s life based on love or fear? Have a long think about it. Most will answer without thinking. Love. But was it? Consider the crucial part fear had to play in this scenario. Fear of losing something you love. Fear of your child getting badly hurt or worse. I believe it was fear that sprung you into action. Don’t forget that fear can come from a place of love too. Fear when really acknowledged and listened to, it can be a powerful gateway to compassion. When you understand the love behind your fear, you will know how you should act. 

Back to the present – our only true reality – and the situation of the coronavirus pandemic. If you’re feeling fearful for yourself or your loved ones, if acting out of fear, fear that seems too much to bear, sit with it and be kind. Don’t resist it – you’ll only give it strength. Instead, remind yourself of the love behind that fear. Remember the loving reasons behind what you’re doing. Remember what we all are. It’s such a beautiful thing. It really is. To be part of something bigger than ourselves. Ultimately it’s the love that will sustain you. It’s the love that will sustain us all.

18 thoughts on “The Loving Nature Of Fear

  • Yeah you got it Pilot! The key word — Acceptance! Acceptance of what is happening now and the emotions your feeling as consequence. You said “Reality is perfectly fine as it is, because it can’t be any other way. It’s your expectations of reality.” And that’s well stated!

    It’s our expectations of reality that so often causes our emotional confusions. If we could only learn to accept what is happening now, not only of things out of our control, but ‘All’ life situations — we’d simultaneously be reining in our runaway and for the most part, overly-played emotions.

    Love, fear, hate, understanding why these emotions are happening and why in what situations will lead to a much more emotionally stable you. A you, who can then go on in better control of accepting the up and down roller coaster ride that is our life’s journey.

    Good Stuff Pilot! — But this love connection stuff? 🤔 What are you trying to do? Get me in touch with my feminine side? 😂 Lol! — Good luck with that man! Many have tried! 🥱 — Later my friend!

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    • Haha – what can I say? One week you’ll get an emotional heart felt post about love – the next you will get one about swearing and telling hope to go f*** itself. I’m a dichotomy Wayne. I like to be in touch with both my male and female side. I encourage you to do the same. 😂

      Thanks again Wayne. As always I agree with your points. Acceptance is f***ing hard but key. Take care 🙏

      Liked by 1 person

      • I like you Pilot, you’re a straight shooter with a good sense of humor! You can’t trust a man who doesn’t know how to laugh. And if your not a straight shooter, that means your spending a whole lot of time cleaning the bathroom floor. 😮 Lol!

        And don’t worry about me Ace, I know how to get in touch with my feminine side if need be. And It’s always there too. On the side of my bed where my better half sleeps. Truly the best feminine side a man could ask for. — Keep those Posts coming Flyer!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Haha – yes!! Although I still miss at times. I think the most important thing is to clean up after yourself! Usually when I’m about to take aim on a flight, turbulence strikes! Disaster! It’s ok if you miss, it’s not ok if you expect the next person in to clean it up! People have very poor habits when it comes to cleaning the bathroom after they’re done!

        In all seriousness (ha) I think that laughing is crucial – esp nowadays with our increasingly dark television and media outlook, I think comedy has taken a hit – we are all suffering from a lack of humour. My feeling is – even if we descend into complete anarchy I want to go out laughing – with a smile on my face. Because why the fuck not!

        That’s awesome Wayne- my better half does the same for me. She’s very good at reminding me when I’ve been a stupid boy who hasn’t cleaned up the bathroom floor! Take care Wayne! And aim carefully…

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  • AP, this is so well-written! When I first read the title, I was skeptical, but as I continued to read, it all made sense. I like the idea that fear is a shared human experience, especially now, during this pandemic. Very powerful message and conclusion! 🙂 Take care, Cheryl

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Cheryl – I like to challenge conventional wisdom when it comes to emotions – we tend to demonise bad feelings – when bad feelings are simply the body’s way of telling you something isn’t right. Bad feelings are trying to help us. When we hate our fear – our anxiety – our anger – we only make things worse. We need to listen to them – right or wrong – I strongly believe we need to make friends and accept all our feelings as they are. Then use them to make positive changes. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Kind regards, AP2🙏

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  • I’ve seldom actively thought of the relationship between love and fear. Accepting how we feel, and working through the why is so important. Fear can be a great motivator if we don’t give in to thinking only if the negative outcomes.

    Thank you for sharing these insights and reframing it from your perspective. We learn so much from listening to each other.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Piyush! I believe negative feelings are almost always telling us something important – that is itself, paradoxically, positive. We often resist negative feelings but usually they are a result of a false narrative that needs to change. Many people mistakenly believe it’s their feelings that are the problem. I believe if we can learn to accept and even befriend all our feelings however difficult they are, we will know how to respond. Thanks for your kind words 🙏

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, I appreciate your thoughts…. everything exist for a reason n when it comes to universe both negative n positive things r essential to create balance . otherwise we won’t exist…fear, death, pain, sufferings all for a reason..

        Liked by 1 person

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