Hello lovely readers and welcome back to my Mindset Mondays Post! The only weekly newsletter that delivers your vaccine just in time for Christmas…
Following a 4-3-2-1 approach, it contains 4 thoughts from me (that you should probably ignore), 3 quotes from others (that you should definitely read), and 2 things I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that have helped me grow.
As always, I’ve finished with 1 terrible joke that’s so bad, you won’t be able to help but laugh…
Let’s begin!
4 x Thoughts From Me:
If you want to go up, you have to overcome gravity.
Life is just like a box of chocolates. Except that some of those chocolates are actually pieces of poo. The problem is, because you don’t know which is which, if you want to enjoy the chocolates you’ve got to eat some poo as well. So yes, in that sense, life is just like a box of chocolates… and poo.
Original thought is often going ‘what if…’ and then thinking the exact opposite of what everybody else is.
The art of conversation is not about trying to convince the other person you’re right, it’s about trying to make the other person feel heard. When someone feels heard they soften their stance. This is how you begin to change minds and strengthen hearts. This is how you bring people closer together. To do that we need to forget about being right and instead, listen deeply. There is always something else going on beyond the words that are spoken.
3 x Quotes From Others:
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen R. Covey
“The largest part of what we call ‘personality’ is determined by how we’ve opted to defend ourselves against anxiety and sadness.” — Alain de Botton
“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” ― Albert Einstein (Source: https://myrandomspecificthoughts.wordpress.com/2020/11/22/critical-thinking/)
2 x Things That Helped Me Grow
1 – This engaging Tim Ferris podcast episode with Dan Harris on Becoming 10% Happier, Hugging Inner Dragons, Self-Help for Skeptics, Training the Mind, and Much More. For those who don’t know the name, Dan Harris is the author of 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works. The book that chronicles his journey as “a lifelong nonbeliever who always assumed meditation was either impossible or useless” into a lifetime practitioner. Notes form the pod below:
“Seeing clearly the cacophony of your own inner landscape is how you are no longer owned by it.”
— Dan Harris
- ON MOTTOS OR MANTRAS: It’s easy to read a great book or inspiring podcast and feel envigorated – like you’re experiencing or waking up to a profound truth but the old habits of the mind are very quick to reassert themselves. We need to find ways to continuously wake up. And remember our aspirations.
- A little bit of worrying is good. A lot is bad. After you’ve run through the worst case scenario for the 17th time ask yourself one simple question – Is this useful?
- MEDITATION ADVICE: 1 minute counts (Habit formation matters most). Daily ish (so you don’t completely fall off the wagon when you inevitably miss a day – be kind to yourself).
- Type A people. We go into something expecting to win or achieve. The problem is expectations are the most noxious thing you can bring to meditation. The goal is not to expect feeling a certain way. The goal should simply be to feel whatever comes up to the fullest extent possible. Visibility- the close to is what you want.
- Analogies: The difference between being in the storm versus watching through the window from inside your home. In the movie versus watching it on screen.
- The goal is not to clear your mind but to focus it. Getting distracted does not mean you’re a failed meditator. In fact when you notice you’ve been distracted – even for a nanosecond that is meditation. Awareness of thought.
- Once you see the chaos of your mind that’s the first step not to be owned by it.
- Hug your dragons don’t slay them. The negative storylines served you once upon a time. Maybe in a very crucial way as defence against trauma. Instead of trying to slay them – which only makes them stronger – you should love them instead. Embrace your demons. This will allow them to clam down in your mind and give you the space to make smarter decision and allow for other more mature storylines that’s serve you better to start to flourish.
- Having good relationships is so important- making sure that we do. We need the tribe. It’s part of our evolution. Be deliberate about keeping your relationships up.
2 – This Ted Talk with Leon Berg: The Power of Listening – An Ancient Practice for Our Future. In this inspiring talk Leon Berg discusses the power listening and council to help develop heart thinking and deepen relationships.
“There’s a big difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is a natural function. Listening requires attention and focus.
“Council is the practise of listening and speaking from the heart – derived from the ancient tradition of storytelling. Research shows our brains are biochemically wired for stories. Storytelling is something we should practise. It helps us move from head thinking to heart thinking.
“Listening has survival value. Devote listening is what helps develop empathy.”
– Leon Berg
1 x Silly Thing To Make You Smile:
So my wife is now 36 weeks pregnant! I believe this comic goes some way of explaining just how prepared I feel…
Thanks ladies and gentlemen. I’m here all week! Till next time… Have a Happy Monday Everybody!
P.S. Don’t forget to exercise your silly muscle this week!
One bonus question for you all:
How can you become a better listener?
(Thank you all so much for reading. If you have any suggestions, thoughts or ideas about today’s weekly post I’d love to hear from you in the comments at the bottom.)
PREVIOUS MONDAY POST:
Clear Air Turbulence 
Wow, that was quite a wholesome write! The first point where you have to overcome gravity to go up sounded so simple and obvious but it’s really poignant.
Thank you very much for mentioning my article! I’m glad you liked that quote. And that analogy of being in the movie or watching it on a screen was great too!
I don’t know what the right answer is but I usually just go ‘Hm’😂 every few minutes to let them know I’m actually listening and not just pretending to and then acknowledge everything they said.
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Thank you – I’m glad you liked it. No problem – I enjoyed your article. Every time I find a quote from an article I like I try to link back as a way of thanks.
Trying to be a better listener is something I’m trying to work on myself – it’s not one of my strengths! I like the idea that listening requires attention and focus which is different to simply hearing someone speak. You have to be committed. Wishing you well 🙏
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You had me at, “if you want to go up, you’ve got to overcome gravity”
Started to see all the gravities in my life… I realise the first one is I don’t really have a clearly defined goal in my life. It’s like a ship without a clear map of where it’s going. Aimlessly going in circles and zigzags.
Mentally exciting post my friend.
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Cheers bro. I like that line as well. Yes – I think people put goals down when they should sit down and evaluate a set of values to live by and let them steer your ship. Goals are less important than moving forward. They just give you something to shoot for. Start with the values you wish to embody and use them to define your goals. My 2 cents worth.
Wishing you well brother 🙏
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Same to you brother
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