For thousands of years we’ve been told we are fallen creatures – outcasts from the garden of Eden. That we are selfish, weak, deeply flawed individuals unworthy of our creator. Taught that our wants and desires are the root cause of all evil. That these are our greatest downfall against which we must make it life’s mission to fight.
What we’ve been taught is to hate ourselves.
Now I know many people will argue with me about this. And I certainly don’t mean to lay all the blame at religion’s door. I agree that would be far too simplistic an argument.
But the overriding point I want to make is that it terms of being unkind to ourselves, in terms of seeing ourselves as bad for having certain wants and desires – wherever that comes from – it runs deep in our collective psyches.
And that’s a big fucking problem.
For starters hating on our own wants and desires is exactly what gives them strength. Did no one ever teach you that you must embrace your demons?
Yeah me neither.
But a bigger problem is that in hating ourselves, despite being (largely) decent people, we fail to stand up to tyranny and oppression when it’s required. Our self loathing shrinks us as individuals. I would argue that it is this, more than anything else, that allows evil to thrive. (It goes hand in hand with people’s inability to say no when they should.)
So what to do about it?
For starters I suggest you stand up tall with your head held high. That you talk to yourself every morning. You give yourself an almighty pep talk. You become clear about who you are and what it is you stand for. Then I suggest you treat yourself with the same level of care and attention you would your own children. I suggest you make the same level of sacrifice for yourself.
Why?
Because you are far more capable than you know. Because you are far stronger than you give yourself credit. Because you are worth it.
But also because you are inextricably connected to everyone else on this planet and treating yourself badly hurts the very people you love. Because hatred thrives if you don’t.
You’ve all heard of the golden rule right? To treat others as you would like to be treated. While I agree it’s particularly pertinent for those who think they are superior to others, for those of you who suffer from crippling self doubt – who think the opposite – I suggest you flip it on it’s head and consider this second golden rule instead.
That is to treat yourself as you would someone you love. To look after yourself like you would your best friend or your spouse or your mother or your child. To value your life just as highly as those around you. To understand that your life is just as important.
Because it is.
Clear Air Turbulence 
This is a great and resonant message: ‘Our self loathing shrinks us as individuals. I would argue that it is this, more than anything else, that allows evil to thrive.’ – exactly. Have you read ‘The Voice of Knowledge?’
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Thanks Ingrid. No I’ve not read that one. Just looked it up. I shall add it to my reading list. Thanks for the recommendation. 🙏
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It very much carries this message ⭐️
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Hey Pilot! Just wondering, when you fly with a beautiful stewardess, are you aware of her beauty, or just her incredible ass —– ets she brings to your flight team? 🤭 Sorry Ace, keyboard malfunction! Off to the business of self-loathing…
We are not born self-loathers. But we are born with the capacity of experiencing emotions created by over-critical self-analysis. Self-loathing an example of our emotional critical self comparing ourselves to the false perceptions we perceive in others. Like the false perceptions we consume from media, advertising and the film industry portraying “beautiful people” — living “fairy-tale” lives.
This sets unrealistic standards for us to achieve. Add our own human nature of ego, pride and self-worth to the mix, and no-wonder self-loathing can at times become an issue. If this traumatic, chaotic year has taught us anything, its how influencing the power of perception can be. Self-loathing a direct result of false perception in comparing ourselves to others…
“Comparison is the most poisonous element in the human heart because it destroys ingenuity and it robs peace and joy.” ― Euginia Herlihy
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I certainly understand the capacity to feel emotions by over-critical self-analysis! Well said. Comparison undoubtedly has a big part to play in generating self loathing. This stops us from wanting to try at all – to give up because we feel we can never achieve such impossible standards. Compare yourself only to the person you were yesterday is another rule worth living by!
But as for your first comment Wayne… I treat all my crew members with the exact same respect that they all deserve thank you very much. (It’s just that I’m especially nice to those who have fantastic assets. (whoops).) Thanks for your additions buddy. Take it easy 🙏
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Good stuff Ace! Always fun talking with ya! A toast to your good nature — “Bottoms-up” my friend! 🥂
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Thank you for this. Thank you very much indeed for this🤝💓
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🙏
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A P, I do not disagree with your alternative to the Golden Rule, but I think it can coexist with the Golden Rule.
Please do not label me a narcissist! The problems of narcissists are rooted in low self-esteem. They are so insecure that they feel that they always have to be right. I think we need a balance of regard for both ourselves and others, and we should be equally kind and forgiving to ourselves and to others. 🙂
Thank you for addressing the problems of self-doubt and self-hate. ❤ Like you, I do not believe that human beings are innately evil. We have options and can make good choices. We are what we do. We can increase self-esteem by choosing to follow our consciences and knowing that we are doing our best.
Have a great day!
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Hi Cheryl. I completely agree they can coexist. That wasn’t what I was trying to say (apologies if it came off that way) and I would NEVER label you a narcissist!
I happen to believe that the golden rule is well taught. The vast majority of people are kind to one another. They don’t go around hurting each other. They treat others with compassion and respect. But I think maybe people have a mistaken idea of what kindness actually means – which, if you ask me, means being honest. It means telling the truth – however hard that is. It doesn’t mean never hurting someone else’s feelings. It doesn’t mean always avoiding conflict. Sometimes feelings have to be hurt – sometimes that’s the kinder thing to do. Often that means standing up for oneself which is where a bigger problem lies if you ask me.
(Similarly being kind to oneself is about being honest as well – sometimes brutally honest with oneself – and then seeking to become better. Making sacrifices (including parts of one’s ego) in order to do so.)
Standing up for oneself (self-compassion) isn’t as well taught if you ask me. Many of us (perhaps the majority) don’t show ourselves the same level of compassion we do other people. The second rule was an idea I had to balance the scales for those who, like I, have trouble loving themselves (as in not a narcissist who thinks he or she is superior to everyone else). Such people (myself included) have trouble saying what needs to be said. We have trouble saying no when it should be. It’s not expressing kindness to one another that people like me really have trouble with (Golden rule). It’s being honest – it’s standing up for oneself. That’s the point I was trying to get across – but yes both rules can and should definitely coexist. We should treat others AND ourselves exactly the same – show ourselves and others the same level of love compassion respect and honesty.
Thank you Cheryl for making me think and always leaving a comment. I really appreciate your honesty and support. Have a great day too. 🙏
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Oh I love this tip ❤️
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🙏
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Good tip, and I like the second golden rule. Beating yourself up can feed on itself. It makes you feel worse about yourself, sapping your confidence, and so makes you more hesitant to share your views. Then you beat yourself up for not having been more assertive! Being kinder to yourself can break the loop and allow you to start building the confidence to speak up when you should.
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Well said Peter! Self compassion breaks the loop. Brilliant way of putting it. Thank you for stopping by 🙏
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It’s the simple things we got wrong. Great post.
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Thanks Barb 🙏
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Treat yourself as you would others. Got it! I can atest that I can be hard(er) on myself than on anyone. People sometimes think I’m harsh or pushy or just annoyingly insistent but I realize now, that’s because I’m like that to myself…
I say be selfish sometimes, treat yourself better… You deserve it.
Very informative bro. Thanks. You really challenge my modest thinking.
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Nothing wrong with looking after number one. In face I believe we must put number one first – otherwise we struggle to look after number 2,3 and 4 (and so on). Take it easy bro 🙏
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Yes sir, you too…
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I hear this often, and I know it’s true, but I struggle with self compassion anyway. Thanks for another reminder. I’m working on it.
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Hi Crystal. I also find it hard to be kind to myself. However I believe that love shown inward is always expressed outward as well. In many ways that’s the point. You can’t truly love others as they need until you learn to love yourself first. Once you do – loving others actually becomes easier. I, too, am working on it. Baby steps. Just be a little nicer to yourself today than you were yesterday. That’s enough. If it helps, I like the acronym RAIN when struggling with self critical thought or difficult emotions. Recognise. Accept. Investigate. Nurture. I sincerely hope you’re doing you well Crystal. And thank you for stopping by 🙏
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I love that about RAIN. That was my dog’s name. I will carry this with me as I work on the nurture part.
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What a wonderful coincidence that is. Maybe somethings are meant to be after all. I shall think of this myself next time I use RAIN. Thinking of dogs never fails to make me smile. Thank you Crystal 🙏
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