Hello lovely readers and welcome back to Mindset Mondays! The only weekly post that tells you to chase your dreams before taking a nap…
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 thing I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that has helped me grow.
As a bonus I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) Be careful what you say yes to in life. Often it’s the very things we acquire for security that ends up imprisoning us.
2) One thing that’s worse than not feeling listened to is feeling misunderstood. If you disagree with someone you should seek to understand them. Speak up and say what you believe is right – of course. But listen to what they have to say as well. Be curious. Seriously consider their point of view however outlandish it may seem. They might just help to break down your own limited beliefs. Which we all have! Even if that’s not true you might, with tact, be able to help them with their own demons.
3) Chasing your dreams isn’t about achieving your dreams. Chasing your dreams is about enjoying the journey. It’s about cultivating greater gratitude and joy for the here and now. It’s about loving what you do. That’s why you should chase you dreams. It’s in the chasing that you’ll discover what you were after. If you make everything about the end result – the title or the big house – you’ll miss the journey. Worse, you’ll end up resenting it. Society’s idea of success has little to do with ones actual dreams. When you see that you’ll realise why failure shouldn’t concern you. And you will fail. You will meet obstacles. You will have set backs. No matter what it is you chase after. At least by doing what you love the successes along the way are more rewarding and the failures more bearable.
2 x Quotes:
“If you see through yourself you will see through everyone. Then you will love them.”
– Anthony De Mello
“He who dares not offend cannot be honest.”
– Thomas Paine
1 x Thing:
This fascinating BBC article on The surprising downsides of empathy. The main argument is that empathy distorts our decision making ability – preventing us from making rational decisions. It concludes by arguing for compassion but against empathy. Well worth the quick read!
“Researchers have found that misplaced empathy can be bad for you and others, leading to exhaustion and apathy, and preventing you from helping the very people you need to. Worse, people’s empathetic tendencies can even be harnessed to manipulate them into aggression and cruelty.”
1 x Joke:
I was tickling my infant son the other day while saying, “Goochie goochie goo.”
My wife commented, “It’s pronounced Coochie, not Goochie!”
I replied, “Not for our baby it’s not!”
“Why’s that?” she asked.
“Because he’s clearly a designer baby!”
…
“Get it? Goochie…”
My wife wasn’t impressed.
Still, at least my son seemed to enjoy it.
Thanks ladies and gentlemen. I’m here all week! As always I welcome ALL thoughts and opinions on this blog. Please let us know in the comments section below.
One bonus question to finish: What does your dream look like? What does it mean to you?
PREVIOUS MONDAY POST:
Clear Air Turbulence 
Interesting article about empathy. A book by former Tibetan monk Thupten Jinpa described compassion as a three-step process, with empathy consisting of the first two steps:
1) perceiving another’s suffering or need
2) emotionally connecting with the suffering/need
3) wishing to see that situation may be relieved
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Yeah – I’m not sure where I stand with it – but I always enjoy being challenged to think differently and this article definitely did that. I believe we always have be careful with our emotions – they have the power to inspire positive action but also blind us – that applies to love as well. I think empathy can and does inspire us to help others but it clearly has a dark side we need to be aware of. Thanks Ashley 🙏
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Happy Monday, AP!
Totally agree that the journey of pursuing your dream is often the more rewarding and beneficial part rather than the destination. That’s where all the growth and self discovery happens!
Agree that we need to be honest – and respectful – with others even at the risk of offending others.
I will take a look at the article later. I do think empathy is important but sometimes you need to move forward on things that might go against what others agree with. So moving forward in a way that is still compassionate is key.
Have a good week ahead!
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I was wondering if a lack of empathy would stop us from doing anything? But the article makes the point that compassion is different to empathy – the danger with empathy is it breeds favouritism, where you exclude what is in the best interest of the majority for the few. But yes we certainly need compassion. Thanks Ab. I always appreciate your comments. Wishing you well 🙏
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Yale professor of Psychology, Paul Bloom, not too long ago wrote that, “…empathy will have to yield to reason if humanity is to survive.” He received a withering barrage of very emotional criticisms for the comment. But I’m inclined to agree with him. The point he was trying to make is that while empathy with individuals can lead to mutual understanding, bigger social problems are fundamentally dry and technical and have to be based in realistic expectations and around available resources. I was made brutally aware of this fact while working in Cambodia about two decades back.
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It’s an interesting one. Good governance shouldn’t get caught up in the plight of the few but consider what’s in the best interest of the majority. I can see how empathy would get in the way of that. 🙏
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The rub is that while it’s easier to sell things with narratives that generate empathy, it can lead to a great deal of unrealistic expectations, and uniformed or counterproductive action.
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“He who dares not offend cannot be honest.”- Thomas Paine
I love this quote! Often when we’re honest we do offend. But just as you said when trying to better understand someone, if we feel offended that’s the time to get curious. Great post, AP2. I happen to like your joke btw. 😂
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Glad you enjoyed my silly joke 😂. Being honest can be difficult for that reason. We want to be honest but we don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings. But I do believe honesty and kindness are synonymous. What it is painful in the short run is often what’s best for someone in the long. Of course honesty can be delivered with tact but it will still sting sometimes. I would rather people were honest with me – right or wrong. That way we can understand one another better. Thanks firefly. Wishing you well 🙏
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You said it much better than I did! Yes, I agree 100%. Wishing you well, too. 🙂
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Great post, AP2! Thanks for sharing with us! I loved the following quote you shared: “If you see through yourself you will see through everyone. Then you will love them.”
– Anthony De Mello
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Yes I agree 100% with what researchers say with empathy
Some will use to manipulate and hurt you .
So be careful!
Happy Easter 🐣 enjoy your Gucci family lol ❤️
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🙏
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I had no idea the BBC produced such content – so much more engaging than the news
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Yeah the BBC have loads of different content nowadays – I really like their psychology based articles. Thanks for stopping by 🙏
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I agree with some of your ideas, not empathy though, because we need to feel empathy or we will be cruel. I love the two pictures you posted. They are amazing.
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Hey. Thanks for stopping by. I’m glad you liked my pictures. Empathy is a tricky one. We need empathy but we need to be careful. That article argues that empathy can cause us to favour a person or group at the expense/unfair exclusion of others. It can actually make us cruel towards those we are not empathising with. It’s an interesting read if you have the time to read it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Wishing you well. 🙏
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