Let’s be clear about something right off the bat.
Our purpose changes day to day, moment to moment. Right now my purpose is to write this blog post. Later it will be to make the world’s best sandwich. After that, well, who knows?
Seriously!
For the vast majority of our existence on this rock we didn’t have the luxury to ask such questions. We we’re lucky if we found some nuts to eat. That was our life’s purpose – to survive!
The fact that we do have the luxury goes to show how lucky we really are. Even during a global pandemic the opportunities available to pursue from the comfort of our sofas is mind boggling.
The problem we have, if you want to call it that, is we have too much choice. For that reason we’re sacred to death of making the wrong one. We’re petrified of the idea that we might not making the very best of this one life we have.
So here’s my first idea.
1. Drop Your Expectations
Drop your expectation that that’s even possible. Drop your expectation that there’s a perfect choice to make. There isn’t and there never will be. If it helps I can tell you right now that you’re definitely not making the very best of the one life you have.
Why?
Because it’s impossible.
The problem with the belief that there must be one “true calling” is it stops us in our tracks. Many of us start thinking there must be something seriously wrong because we’re not “living the dream.” It’s a form of chasing perfection.
It’s not dissimilar to believing in “the one.” And what happens once you think you’ve found that perfect life partner? The moment they demonstrate they’re fallible human beings, just like you, your unrealistic expectations are going to be shattered. And then you’re gonna have a big blow out, or worse!
Instead of having an honest and open conversation where you both understand that any healthy relationship, just like any life purpose worth pursuing, requires constant struggle.
2. Ask Yourself What You’re Willing To Suffer For
Now here’s the thing.
The chances are there’s a better choice you could be making. In fact that’s a certainty. Equally you have the potential to make things a lot worse (Really?).
Unfortunately you’re not going to find out by binge watching NETFLIX. Which is also a choice. One that you will eventually hate yourself for.
We need a purpose. We need a cause to serve. That’s what gives our life meaning. And it’s that meaning that gives us the longer term peace and happiness we crave.
But we need to be clear about something.
It’s in the service of something bigger than ourselves that the happiness and peace we crave really starts to stick. You have to give yourself up to that cause.
That’s the big secret. Taking the focus off the self. If you ask me we shouldn’t even have a self-help section in the book store, we should direct everyone to a how-to-help-others section instead.
If you want to find motivation with a capital M then I suggest you pick a cause that is close to your own heart. Either way, stop thinking in terms of what’s best for you. Stop thinking what’s your life’s purpose.
A better question to ask is what can I do that will help people the most? What can I do with my time that’s important? What’s something I can do that adds value to other people’s lives that doesn’t want to make me gouge my eyes out? What is something I’m willing to suffer for?
3. Don’t Do What You Don’t Want To
If you’re still stumped then I suggest you use the process of elimination to get you there.
What are you doing that you hate with a passion? Stop doing that. Take away the shitty job and replace it with a slightly less shitty job.
Go down the road of trial and error.
The same way if you want to get fit and healthy, but hate running, don’t spend an hour on the goddamn treadmill everyday – do something else! Dance, or box, or climb some rocks if that floats your boat. Do what ever it is you think you might like.
Ultimately you don’t have to like those things either, but I guarantee if you keep searching, if you keep cutting out the shit you don’t want to, you’ll eventually find the thing that you’re willing to stick at. That you’re willing to suffer for.
It’s important to remember there are always ways to make things you don’t want to do, like exercise, into things you actually do like dancing or boxing or surfing. Your job is no different.
Don’t settle for the treadmill. Don’t settle for the dead end job you hate. Find the shit that gets you excited by saying no to the shit that doesn’t.
4. Imagine The Worst Case Scenario Then Do It Anyway.
If it’s the fear of the unknown that’s stopping you from acting, then I suggest you imagine the worst case scenario, accept it as though it’s already happened and then go ahead and do it anyway.
“Are you fucking crazy?!” Yes, but hear me out.
By worst case scenario I mean in a realistic sense – not if I go surfing a shark might attack me as a tsunami strikes while I get simultaneously hit by lightening from a freak storm that forms over head.
No. I mean more like you could drown…
I joke, of course.
What I mean to say is that maybe the water will be freezing cold and you could end up shallowing sea water while everyone laughs at you, i.e. you have a shitty time.
Did anyone die? Will anyone die if you leave that shitty job you hate?
The point of doing this is to understand that what we’re afraid of isn’t really that scary. Further, what we’re most afraid of isn’t very likely.
The chances are you might have loads of fun if you go surfing.
With that in mind, here’s an exercise you can try called Fear Setting.
This is what you do:
- First, write out the major life change you’re considering. For example you might write, What if I… quit (or lost) my dead end office job?
- Second, define the worst case scenario in detail. Ask yourself if it would be the end of your life (probably not)? Ask yourself how permanent it would be? It’s not like you won’t able to find another shitty job you hate right?
- Third, ask yourself what the benefits of a more probable scenario are? What are the definite positive outcomes (including for your self-esteem, mental and physical health etc)
- Forth, ask yourself what the cost will be if you do nothing? What will it cost you financially, emotionally & physically if you postpone that difficult choice? This is such a great question because if you zoom out ten years and you know you’ll still be miserable then you’ll see that the cost of inaction is often far greater.
- Finally, ask yourself what you’re so afraid of?
5. Understand That Any Dream Is Always Served As Part Of A Shit Sandwich
Overtime, if you’re prepared to put yourself out there, I do believe you can narrow down your purpose to one that feels like it was meant for you, but even then you need to keep your expectations in check.
You need to realise that “the dream” is always served as part of a shit sandwich. That’s always the deal.
In fact life is a series of shit sandwiches served one after the other. It’s our willingness (or unwillingness) to eat those shit sandwiches that makes us who we are.
To take my profession as an example.
Constantly flying through the night puts our bodies through the wringer. The environment is also highly stressful (especially during a global pandemic). Every six month we have the proverbial kitchen sink thrown at us in the simulator. Fail that and our licence is invalidated. We also have random spot checks, recency requirements, annual line checks, medicals… the list goes on.
Of course I get to hand fly a commercial jet worth millions of dollars. I get to travel the world – both on the job and during my spare time. And I do have lots of time off to pursue other interests (especially now).
Of course it’s important to be grateful for these things however, being a pilot is still very much served as part of a shit sandwich. Make no mistake about it. This “dream” is one almighty struggle to maintain.
It is a dream who have to really really really want.
6. Focus On Today First
Let me finish with this final thought.
Something that’s more important than finding your life’s purpose is making sure you have one today. Even if that’s to hold your children as if for the last time, or telling your wife how much you love her. Or farting and laughing about it.
Ask yourself what you can do today to make the world a better place? Ask yourself what you’d do if this were your last on earth?
Because often that’s all we need to do.
Stop zooming the lens way out all the time and zoom it right in instead. To the point where your purpose is to simply express gratitude for the fact that you’re breathing. Because that really is our ultimate purpose in life, loving our life as it stands, right now, in this moment.
Lest we miss it altogether.
Thanks for reading Ladies and Gentleman. I hope you find some of this terrible life advice of use. Let us know if you have any thoughts. As always I welcome ALL opinions on this blog. Love to all X
Clear Air Turbulence 
Life will always hand you shit sandwiches, but that doesn’t mean you need to choose the Shit Sandwich Cafe for lunch each day. It’s surprising, given how simple it should be, that not doing what you don’t want to do doesn’t seem to be on a lot of people’s radar.
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Yes! That’s exactly it. People who are miserable often fear what might happen if they change course. But if you’re already sitting in the shit sandwich cafe what have you got to lose? Stop doing what you hate. No child has second thoughts about not doing something they don’t like. Move on and adapt. That’s the trick. Thanks Ashley 🙏
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We think kids are learning from us, but more of the other way around needs to happen.
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Agreed. Kids have so much to teach us. Going with the flow and not giving a f*ck what anyone else thinks = peace and happiness. The heart already knows what it wants. You just have trust it.
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Absolutely.
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You touched my soul with this one! I really do appreciate your candor. Lately I’ve been on the path of living life on my terms. Words can’t describe how I felt when I resigned last month. I had never felt so free! Then, people began telling me how I should spend my time and what ventures I should be chasing. They had their own ideas and none of them aligned with mine. Eventually, I began questioning if I even knew what I was doing. Well, I knew what I’m doing and I still know. I’m sticking with my own plans and following my passions. Maybe this doesn’t meet others’ expectations, but I’m happy and at peace and that’s all that matters.☺️ Enjoy your weekend!
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Hey Shaun – I’m so pleased you enjoyed it. My candor can sometimes get me into trouble! 😂 To resign from a job you know isn’t right takes courage. I really admire your spirit. We can’t spend our time on this earth trying to meet other people’s expectations. Wishing you well on your journey 🙏
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Thank you!
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I’ve never been big on the idea of “purpose” in terms of individual thought. It’s a social construct, and probably wired into the psyche by natural selection as a means to assure group behaviors. I know that’s a rather dry take, but I think it can give context to its consideration. Regardless, I’m inclined to agree with much of what you’re saying here.
Fundamentally, I think living a satisfying life revolves around developing a sense of objective honesty about one’s self, and then the self-discipline to act on the knowledge that provides. Life doesn’t happen instantly (thankfully), and the universe doesn’t merely unfold to one’s wishes. So the best approach is simply to make sure you’re spending the majority of your time facing in the most constructive direction, and then enjoy the walk (although an occasional run can also be rewarding).
A big part of the problem is distraction. I work with a lot of younger college students who seem to have shallow, pre-conceived notions of “success” based in either commercial or popular media (or both). But the only universal truths about life are that it requires effort, and that it’s a limited commodity. So just like making a big financial investment, it pays to really and objectively understand both the risks and the pay-offs of one’s efforts (or lack thereof).
This all said, the desire for a sense of “purpose” in some greater sense, regardless of its source, is still wired into most people’s thinking. But how we satisfy it is less important than that we do it in a personally meaningful way… thus that honest introspection. Teach a skill, share an artwork, tell a story, provide a lunch, raise a child, elicit a smile, protect the innocent… what works for you will be determined by the direction of your own walk.
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“I think living a satisfying life revolves around developing a sense of objective honesty about one’s self, and then the self-discipline to act on the knowledge that provides.” – I couldn’t agree more V!
You’re right about distraction too – especially nowadays. There’s so much noise out there. I think that’s why so many feel paralysed. Effort is everything – it’s hard to find it if you’re not enjoying your chosen profession/job. Cutting out the noise and finding clarity is half the battle.
Interesting thoughts regarding purpose. I liken purpose to direction. It’s important to give yourself one, not always, but more so in times of strife. Having a sense of some control/greater meaning when everything feels lost can be important.
Thank you v – You always give me food for thought. I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. Wishing you well 🙏
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Amazing blog you got and thanks for following
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Thank you for the same. The feeling is mutual. Wishing you well 🙏
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All the best
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AP, I have made quite a few risky and unconventional choices in my life. I didn’t get rich or famous doing that, but I have had a challenging and satisfying life. No regrets! Well, very few and minor ones, anyway. It doesn’t matter how many people you please if you don’t please yourself! 🙂 I enjoyed reading your wise post. ❤ Take care!
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Money and fame are overrated. Meaning and fulfilment underrated. I think making difficult choices leads to a happier more fulfilling life. Conversely easy choices = a hard life. Thank you Cheryl. As always. Wishing you the very best 🙏
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Indeed, nothing worth in life ever comes easy
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*worthwhile
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Difficult choices = easy life. Easy choices = hard life. Thanks Andrew 🙏
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Nice thoughtful post as always, AP. The Netflix analogy is good one and sometimes we just need to zero in and do something instead of being petrified by choice.
I also like the idea of eliminating things that don’t make us happy. Sometimes we choose comfort over the things that truly make us feel alive.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
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Thanks Ab! It’s like going to the supermarket and choosing a type of condiment. There is such a thing as too much choice. Of course we still have to make one. So I suggest making a decision and then refining based on experience over time. It doesn’t have to be the right choice every time. The biggest mistake is not making a choice at all.
Have a wonderful weekend too Ab! I appreciate your support 🙏
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So true AP2. When you begin to live being happy, grateful and at peace with what you have you feel so much more content/fulfilled. But also working hard at what you enjoy/love..We all have crap days, going with those emotions, aware of the choices you make: and as my mum always says ‘dust yourself down & get on with it”.. Although thats easier said than done at times!! Thank you for the post & have a lovely day 🙏💖
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Thanks Bernie! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I agree with your mum about dusting yourself off and getting on with it! Just don’t forget to do the dusting first. Thank you taking the time to read/comment. Have a great day too 🙏
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Thank you AP2 ❤🙏
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I like your focus and the things you say makes sense. My dream of being a writer has its bad sandwiches.
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Thank you Barb! We all have our fair share of bad sandwiches that we have to consume in this life. Acceptance is a lifelong lesson. Wishing you well – and thank you for your continued support. 🙏
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Excellent points.
If only one is willing to listen and follow.
People love to read good points but the tendency is …that they forget to remember these points when the situation demands.
Thank you my friend.
Enjoyed reading and learnt plenty
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That’s a very good point. Often we know what is right but in the moment we forget. I’m pleased you enjoyed reading my post. Thank you for taking the time to comment as well. 🙏
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Most welcome 🙏🏻
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I look at each of us as having two purposes, our current purpose and a Noble Purpose.
Our current purpose is whatever we are doing now, like making a sandwich, filing a report, writing a comment on a blog. Each of these things is meant to accomplish a goal and fulfill a need or want in the moment.
Our Noble Purpose is founded in our values and how we express them in everything we do. Ultimately, as human beings, our Noble Purpose must be founded in serving the greater good, something bigger than ourselves, whether that’s family, community, country, all of humanity whatever.
And how we choose to go about our little purposes must always be guided by our Noble Purpose, by the core values we carry in ourselves.
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I love this differentiation! Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I shall keep this idea in mind going forward. Wishing you well 🙏
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Your post reminds me of Mark Manson’s writing style, which I very much enjoy. I’m wondering if you read his work. I’m going to take your advice.
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I’m a big fan of Mark Manson’s work – he has certainly inspired me. Thank you Michael – I appreciate your comments. Wishing you well 🙏
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