I haven’t been myself lately.
The unrelenting madness at work over the past couple of years has taken a toll. I decided I needed some time to clear the storm clouds that had gathered inside my mind. I realised I’d been too close to everything at work.
So, I called the doc and went on long-term stress leave.
After a few weeks of playing with my children and otherwise ignoring the news and anything work-related, I deiced to sit down and address these clouds – the repeated thoughts about leaving my profession and Hong Kong – and map out a flight plan for my diversion.
When I did, two uncomfortable questions kept popping up. Those were:
- Who am I?
- Who do I want to become?
As fate would have it – after stewing on those questions for a while – I read a BBC article about the importance of imaging your future self. It noted, “a large number of psychological studies over the past decade have shown those who struggle to imagine their future selves as a continuation of the person that they are today, tend to be less responsible.”
This caused me to spill my morning coffee. I thought, “That’s it! The picture of my future self has become blurry. So long as my future self remains a stranger to me – so long as I think of him as someone different to the person I am today – I will remain rudderless in the present.”
After reflecting on this, I decided to follow the same article’s advice. Which was to write a letter to my future self 20 years from now describing what is most important to me today and my plans for the coming decades.
So, I thought long and hard about my values and wrote this letter. And then, I wrote a second one. A reply from my future self. I found it to be a powerful exercise. One that brought that picture back into sharp focus. That has allowed me to find my bearings again in the present.
Aside from clarifying my values, it helped me look at everything happening from a longer-term perspective – helping to understand another mistake I’d been making.
Everything that has led me to this significant crossroads in my life, I’ve been telling myself that it represents a diversion from the person I thought I was supposed to become.
But that’s not true. As my future self put it,
“The values that are causing you to reconsider your future aren’t taking you away from the person you thought you were meant to be. They are driving you back towards the person you already are – the person you’ve always been at heart. If you place faith in him, I promise that he will take you exactly where you want to go.
That’s because – if you do – you’ll see there is nowhere you have to go, no place you have to be, nothing you have to do. You’ve already arrived. You’re already exactly where you’re meant to be. You’re already the person you’re meant to become.
Your only problem is that you’re fighting him – you’re fighting who you already are. But he will win this fight. And you must let him. You must place your faith in the person you already are.”
After writing this out, I felt this wave of calm wash over me. I saw my future self smiling back at me. As if he knows this is the moment I’ve finally come to understand something vital for both his sake and mine.
It’s this thought – this insight – that I want to leave you with to reflect on:
If you want to gain a clear picture of the person you are meant to become, you have to stop fighting who you already are.
***
You can find AP2’s personal blog here at: https://clear-air-turbulence.com
You can also find him on Medium at: https://anxiouspilot2.medium.com
Or on Twitter at: @AnxiousPilot
Clear Air Turbulence 
This is so true! I see myself as a constant work in progress where I don’t have to absolutely decide who I am. This gives me the freedom to change my mind, explore new things as they come up and to relax in the process. I’m learning to feel good about following my joy, vs. feeling anxious that I’m making the right choice! Nothing is set in stone!
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That’s wonderful to hear Tamara. Nothing is set in stone – life is much better when we embrace this idea rather than cling to our false ideas of certainty. Thank you for taking the time to comment 🙏
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My pleasure! Have a wonderful day!
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👍
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I find acceptance as a key factor in where we are and where we’ve been as to where we are going. The cliche, you are exactly where you are supposed to be, comes to mind and in order to see your past and future self as part of your present self, accepting this statement as true helps ease any anxiety or regret allowing the present to be.
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I couldn’t have said it any better Eve – thank you for your wise words 🙏
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Dear AP, I cheer for and with you.. I really enjoyed reading this wonderful heartfelt piece and hope you are feeling better. I would share what I have come to understand as essential-Unconditional Love for yourself
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Thank you so much for your kind supportive words. Unconditional love for myself is exactly right. 🙏
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Hi AP, it sounds like you are at a very challenging and important crossroads in your life. It’s great that you recognize the toll of the stress on yourself and have sought out help for yourself. The letter writing exercise you did also sounds like a good one to do. Best wishes with answering these hard but important questions!
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Hi Ab. Thank you for your kind words. The letter helped give some clarity. We have options which is good. Not everyone is so lucky. Best wishes to you and yours too Ab. 🙏
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I’m currently on leave from work too. I think I want to stay in my career but I couldn’t stay where I was. I’ve been doing a lot of sitting g on the couch thinking what next? where next? Without any answers, I feel like I’m just navel gazing or wallowing in the sub optimal workplace I’m on leave from. I’m going to give this a go. I think I need to review how I got where I am and what next. Hopefully you are feeling better with a clearer way ahead.
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It’s possible all I need is a long break. I think an extended time away from aviation might do me good even if I do decided to get in the seat at some point in the future. Sorry to hear about your work situation. I hope it picks up for you too. Thank you for your kind words E 🙏
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I hope your break gives you clarity.
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It’s so great to see your voice evolve throughout the years, and I think you’re really growing into yourself where your writing’s concerned. And for today’s topic, I found it so cool to think about who I am versus who I want to be. Usually it’s just the latter for me. Thanks for another thought-provoking post!
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Thank you Stuart. Those are some very kind words. I’m glad you enjoyed the post 🙏
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YES!!!!!! Exactly, AP2! What a great exercise. I’m going to sit down and do the same. Love this idea. So glad you shared it. Thanks!
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My pleasure firefly. Hope you find it as insightful as I did. Wishing you well 🙏
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I love your concluding thought, “If you want to gain a clear picture of the person you are meant to become, you have to stop fighting who you already are.”
Best wishes.
Chaya
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Thank you Chaya. I believe it is true. We should imagine a better version of the person we already are at heart. Not a completely different person altogether. Best wishes to you too 🙏
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As always a very powerful post. It gets you thinking. I hope my future self will not scold me for some choices though 😊🤔
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Haha yes! Being kind to our former selves is very important too. Thank you so much for your kind words 🙏
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This is wonderful and deeply inspiring. I’ve had quite a bit of dialogue with “future-self” and it’s always illuminating what he has to say. Glad I found your blog.
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Thank you Wade. I found it to be a powerful exercise indeed. I’ve just been poking around your blog and I have to say the feeling is mutual. I’m very glad to have found yours too. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. 🙏
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Good for you for taking time to recharge and reflect! For me purpose in life must include others. Don’t lose your focus on relationships in the pursuit of your goal. In the end relationships are what matter most in life!
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Thank you Dwight. An important reminder. It’s easy to take our loved ones for granted. At the end of it all, people won’t remember what you did, but how you made them feel. Wishing you well 🙏🙂
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Yes, that is exactly right.
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