Kissed For The Very First Time

Ten years ago today, on April 8th, 2011, I met my wife for the first time at a dive bar in Hong Kong called Al’s diner. We immediately hit it off. The evening ended with us dancing to a number of 80’s classics. 

Despite several jello shots it took me a while to work up the courage to kiss her. I knew she was special and wanted to make sure I picked the right moment. The cheesy 80’s playlist, however, didn’t exactly set the mood.

At a certain point I told myself whatever song comes up it doesn’t matter, it’s now or never. And so, as one forgettable tune ended, with my heart in my throat, I met her eyes, leaned in and kissed her. 

Just as soon as we locked lips, Madonna’s, “Like A Virgin,” came blaring from the jukebox.

“Like a virgin 
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats 
Next to mine
Whoa…”

A moment of classy romance it was not! It certainly wasn’t the song I would have chosen. Still, I had to commend the Gods on their sense of humour. We both had a good laugh about it.

Ultimately, of course, the song didn’t matter. What really mattered was the ten years that followed.Those years have been extraordinary to say the least.

Together we’ve flown in hot air balloons, jumped out of aeroplanes, swam with whale sharks – to list just a few of our adventures. It was on a layover in Rome I realised I loved her as we cuddled while watching the sunset from the Spanish steps. (There are few moments I can think as perfect as that one.) It was on holiday in Myanmar that I proposed to her on the shores of Inle lake.

It was 4 years ago – exactly 6 years after we met – on April 8th, 2017, that we got married at a micro brewery here in Hong Kong. We figured, “Why bring the booze to the party when you can bring the party to the booze?”

It was epic.

The song we chose for our first dance? You guessed it. Definitely not Madonna’s, “Like A Virgin.” (We have some class guys and gals, come on.)

Actually our friends orchestrated a surprise flash mob to Justin Timberlake’s, “Can’t Stop The Feeling.” It was one of the many highlights that day. That song became our first as a married couple.

Fast forward 4 more years and here we are with two ridiculous boys to our names. The youngest having just turned 3 months. (Can you do the math?)

April 8th will always be the most important day of the year for me. Symbolically it represents everything that followed when we kissed for the very first time 10 years ago. The truly beautiful life that we have made together.

I often wonder what my life would have been like had I missed my opportunity that night. If I’d not made a move because of the song that was playing. (There’s a lesson here about waiting for the perfect moment.)

I look around and imagine my boys vanishing. The apartment I live in transforming. Perhaps I wouldn’t have stayed in my current job for as long as I have? Maybe I wouldn’t live in Hong Kong? Perhaps the picture would be markedly different? Or perhaps the picture would be similar but with different faces?

One things for damn sure, the picture couldn’t be any better.

As I come back to reality and realise that none of it was a dream. That my reality – my unbelievably beautiful radiant wife, the now extraordinary mother to our two gorgeous silly boys – is the dream. I realise I wouldn’t change it for the world. I wouldn’t even change that song.

To my dear wife, when it comes to you, I regret nothing. (Although I’m not giving you anymore children.)

Happy Anniversary Gorgeous

With All My Love

Your Very Silly Husband X

How Parents Can Promote The Evolution Of Feminism Mindfully

Following on from my previous post – Why Crying Like A Little Girl Is The Manliest Thing You Can Do – I want to talk a little more about how that relates to feminism.

I feel we need to be very careful about what we tell ALL children, including our young girls. To make sure the false narratives that have so visibly divided the sexes throughout history, doesn’t continue to be the narrative that writes our children’s future.  

It’s a well worn discussion that bears repeating, and for that reason I’ll keep my thoughts and this post short. That said I do want to raise a point that’s maybe been missed in our attempts to rewrite the story for our future girls. 

With regards to the feminist movement in particular, we need to be especially careful about how we manage its evolution. 

When I think about the way in which mainstream media has started to reflect this changing narrative, I wonder if we are unwittingly going down a dangerous path. 

Not because we are telling young girls to stand up for themselves more. 

Not because we are telling women they’re every bit as capable as men. 

Not because we are telling them to be their own heroines – not to expect that they will be saved by some bullshit knight in shining armour.

No!

These are undeniably good things to teach our young girls in order to find greater equality going forward. 

What I’m taking about is something more subtle.

The well worn narrative of what it means to be a man – macho and independent – to not need anybody’s help. Specifically that asking for help is a sign of weakness (Something I talked about at length in my previous post).

This is exactly the kind of narrative responsible for the statistic that men are 3 to 4 times more likely to commit suicide than women, despite being nearly half as likely to develop depression. For the undeniable fact that us ‘macho men’ are actually less emotionally resilient than women.

I think it’s this narrative that has put distance between many of today’s male leaders and their own hearts. It’s acting in the pretence of what society believes to be strong that is, in no small way, dividing nations and destroying our earth.

There’s nothing wrong with challenging the narrative women are less capable than men which, of course, is complete BS, but to teach our girls the same things we’ve been teaching our boys is not a smart move. 

The way we teach girls to have greater emotional intelligence. To pick them up and hold them when they cry. To let them understand the importance of knowing their emotions intimately. 

This is a great thing. 

We need to teach and show our boys more of this. Not women less. 

To teach them not to cry and be like a man, or grow a pair, so to speak, would be a disaster. 

A world in which neither sex is able to properly process or access their own emotions – where girls are told ‘not to cry’ – is a world we cannot allow. 

We must stop denying our children their true nature.

(As always I welcome ALL opinions and thoughts. I’m always keen for a dialogue and to be told where and in what ways I’m wrong so I may grow. Thank for taking the time to read.)


SOURCES:

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20190313-why-more-men-kill-themselves-than-women

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4035568/

The Nature of my Child

“Every child has a god in him. Our attempts to mould the child will turn the god into a devil – A. S. Neill

I’ve been thinking today about the nature of my child. What I see is a boundless love and tenderness. Such a pure gentleness.

This is his nature.

I mean to imprint that in my mind.

A gorgeous boy full of smiles and laughter. But also not afraid to cry and express himself. He might not have full control of how he responds to his emotions yet, but there is no doubt about how in touch he is with them. He’s not one bit consumed by them either. He lets them go as soon as they’ve passed.

There is a lot we adults can learn from that.

I think in our efforts to make something of our children, we often do a disservice to that which is already there. I don’t need to make him into anything. I simply need to encourage what already is, for him to flourish and realise his full potential.