How To Gain Enlightenment While Taking A Dump

Today I felt like some good old fashioned toilet humour was in order, and so I came up with this stupendous blog post idea: How To Gain Enlightenment While Taking A Dump.

Or, to give it another title: What Makes A Good Toilet Book For Moments Of Profound Pooing. #toiletbooks #profoundpooing (I’m hoping to start a trend.)

Before I get onto it (ha), there is a serious point I’d like to make first. One about designing your environment to help cultivate better habits. In this case, putting a book to read next to your toilet instead of mindlessly scrolling on your phone (because I know you do) when you go for a number two.

James Clear talks about the power of designing your environment to help promote and stick to better habits (or break bad ones) at length in his brilliant book Atomic Habits.

He notes,

Environment design is powerful not only because it influences how we engage with the world but also because we rarely do it. Most people live in a world others have created for them. But you can alter the spaces where you live and work to increase your exposure to positive cues and reduce your exposure to negative ones.”

Some Examples Of Environment Design Include:

Placing a glass of water by your bed to drink first thing in the morning.

Leaving your phone in a different room when you go to sleep so its neither the last thing you look at before sleeping, nor the first thing you look upon waking (FYI there’s this great invention I heard of called an alarm clock).

Placing a fruit bowl on your living room table to encourage better eating habits. Similarly placing bottles of water around your house to keep you hydrated.

– And, if you want to promote better reading habits while also reducing harmful mindless smartphone scrolling, placing a book by the side of your toilet for when you sit down to do a poo.

So What Makes A Good Toilet Book?

When picking a good toilet book to read I think the topic of the book is less important than the type.

Novels tend not to work well because they are designed to be read over a matter of hours. Unless you had Indian for dinner the night before, I don’t think any heavy duty book which requires a great deal of reading at any one time is best.

Instead I suggest books designed to be read in short occasional bursts.

Generally you want lightweight books, although, if you have the space in your bathroom, larger coffee table style books could work too.

It can be fictional or humorous, depending on what your preference is, but for me, I find that spiritual books help to keep my grounded, while I’m giving back to the earth…

What Are The Benefits?

The great thing about toilet books, especially spiritual ones with many thought provoking quotes, is you can really sit on them. Read a quote, put the book down and then ponder the meaning of life.

You’ll also be surprised by how much reading you can get done as the weeks and months pass by. I only started this habit recently but have already finished several books.

An added bonus is that it serves as a great reminder to leave your phone outside the bathroom so you’re not making the very unhygienic and unhealthy habit of scrolling and wiping. (Hygiene being very important these days of course. #coronavirus)

While it might see like obvious etiquette to put the book (or your phone down) before wiping – should one accidentally mistake the order of things, something which, incidentally, is much more likely to happen when scrolling on your phone, at the very least the toilet book stays in the toilet. Should you make such a mistake – unlike your phone – it’s not coming out of the bathroom with you.

Do You Have Any Recommendations?

There are loads to choose from so I’ll just suggest one that resonated deeply. A beautifully illustrated book called, “The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse” by Charlie Mackesy.

It’s not only deeply moving and thought provoking, it’s a beautiful piece of art in its own right. I could pick any quote from the book and it would be worth sharing, but I’ll leave you with just one that hit home for me on a personal level (and just in case you happen to be on the toilet right now).

“What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said?” asked the boy…

“Help”, said the horse.


(Thanks for reading everyone! I’m curious if anyone else indulges in this peculiar habit of mine? If so do you have any good toilet book suggestions? Or any other good ideas for environement design around the house? I’d love to hear from you below.)

8 Ways To Tell Your Smartphone To Go F📵ck Itself

Do you have the kind of relationship with your smartphone where it feels like you fight all the time, but end up having really great sex?

Where you get so stressed out you put it down and walk away, only to come crawling back after 5 minutes because you can’t help yourself?

So you pick it up and passionately open all your apps, getting one dopamine hit after another.

Click click click, fuck fuck fuck, “Ahhhhhhh yeahhhhh…”

The problem is once you’re done you feel depleted, like someone whose been used and abused. You end up loathing yourself because you didn’t have the willpower to say no, again!

Anyone else feel like this?

Well, if you do, then welcome to the club! If you don’t, well, I suspect you’re not reading this article. Actually, I suspect you live in a forest.

Anyway, today I’m putting my foot down. Enough is enough! This time I really am breaking up with my phone.

[Silence]

Ok, ok, no I’m not, the sex is too damn good, however, I am determined to have a relationship with it on my own terms – to have sex only as and when I want it.

The question is, how the fuck?

Well, here are 8 ideas I googled while sitting on the toilet for the past hour…

1. Admit You Have An Addiction

Let me be the first to admit I’m addicted to my phone. I feel naked without her. Sometimes I am naked with her (shhhhh – don’t tell my wife).

If you’re not sure whether you might be addicted too (you are), I highly recommend taking this quick Smartphone Compulsion Test.

It was developed by David Greenfield, PhD, of the Centre for Internet and Technology Addiction at the University of Connecticut School of Medicine.

He said, “If you answer “yes” to more than 5 out of the 15 questions, it indicates you have a problematic relationship with your mobile device. More than 8 and you might consider seeing a psychologist, psychiatrist, or psychotherapist who specializes in behavioral addictions for a consultation.”

Seriously!

Just be warned the article also said, “it seems the only way to score below a 5 on this test is to not have a smartphone…”

2. Buy An Alarm Clock 

If you were born after the year 2000 and are wondering what an alarm clock is, it’s a primitive device people used before the invention of smartphones.

Yes, about the same time that dinosaurs were roaming the planet.

Anyway, it does two things. One, it tells you the time, and two, it sounds an alarm for when you wish to wake up in the morning, hence the name alarm clock.

Amazing right?

“No, and my phone does that anyway so why would I buy one?

Because everything starts with a good night’s sleep and with your phone by your side the temptation to check it is too great.

And what happens if you do?

The blue light makes it harder for you to sleep. Which, if you already have trouble sleeping, can quickly turn into a vicious cycle.

The cure?

Buying yourself a dinosaur alarm clock and leaving your phone out of the bedroom while you sleep.

3. Leave Your Phone In The Bedroom During The Day. 

First thing in the morning, after I’ve made my bed, I meditate for 20-30 mins. Afterwards I collect my phone – which spent the night in my office – and place it inside my sock draw next to my bed (no joke).

I only check it for messages/emails after I have gone through my morning routine. So long as I’m at home, this is where it lives.

This forces me to ask the question, “Do I really need to have sex with my phone right now? Or should I retain my focus for something more pressing?”

Of course it doesn’t have to be your bedroom, but I suggest you leave it somewhere that’s a little awkward to reach – like inside a cookie jar at the very top of your kitchen cabinet.

The idea is to design your environment so you don’t have to rely on willpower alone. Of course it takes willpower to walk to a specific place to check your phone which is the point.

This prevents you from mindlessly scrolling costing you precious attention and time throughout the day.

4. Delete All Social Media And Email Applications 

The idea with this is to create “friction points” within the phone itself.

“But if I delete my apps how will I be able to check my social media feeds?”

By using your web browser of course. I know, how inconvenient right? Of course that’s the point.

Here are a few other ideas:

  • Turn off all notifications
  • Remove all distraction-based apps from your home screen (or entirely)
  • Use airplane/do not disturb modes
  • Keep your phone on silent at all times

For more about these ideas check out this YouTube clip from Tim Ferris below:

5. No Little Screens In Front Of Big Screens

You’re either watching the TV or you’re not. You’re either on your phone or you’re not. Your’e either talking to your friends or you’re not. You’re either doing work or you’re not.

You get it! 

Multitasking is a myth. Attempts to do so only diminish your ability to focus on any one thing. For that reason one of my rules at home is to have no little screens in front of big screens.

This prevents you from mindlessly looking at your phone while you’re in front of the television. The benefit being you will enjoy what you’re watching much more.

Another benefit is you’ll be able to focus better at your computer when all other distractions (and devices) are out of sight.

6. No Phones At The Dinner Table

The minimum we can do to demonstrate love for our family during dinner time is by leaving our phones off the dining table.

This is something I like to call, having good Tablet Manners.

Another rule I have is no phones in the bathroom. If you’ve found yourself taking a 30 minute poo while scrolling Instagram you’ll understand why this is important.

I place books to read next to my toilet instead. Something I talked about a long time ago in this article: How To Gain Enlightenment While Taking A Dump.

Once again the idea is about designing your environment to promote positive habits and curb bad ones. Instead of bringing your phone into the toilet, stick some spiritual books next to the loo so you can read a profound quote and really sit on it…

This helps you cultivate mindfulness instead of mindlessness while on the potty.

7. Prioritise And Schedule Human Interaction 

Allow me to give you some damning statistics.

Now consider the amount of time you dedicate to conversing, in person, with the people in your life. If you’re like me, that ought to sober you right the fuck up!

So here’s what I suggest you do: Schedule and make the time for the people you love. 

Organise play time with your children, date nights with your partner, drinks with your friends, etc. Whatever it is, when you do, make sure to leave your phone somewhere else, or, at least, turn it off and really give yourself to the people in your life.

Make them understand that they are more important than the screen inside your pocket.

 

8. Have A Digital Sabbath One Day Per Week

To list the tip of the iceberg, our smartphones are also:

I suspect that one day the general population will seriously reconsider the relationship they have with their smartphones. Perhaps in a similar way to how people did with smoking back in the 1950s. The truth is scrolling is the new smoking. There’s a good reason why Bill Gates and Steve Jobs didn’t let their children near them.

I sincerely believe if we are to protect our own children we need to get a handle on our own addiction first. As adults we need to demonstrate how to have a healthy relationship with them.

That’s why my final recommendation is to implement a digital sabbath where, for one day a week, you go completely screen free. A day dedicated to simply being.

For me it’s the equivalent of hitting the reset button. I spend it going for leisurely walks, reading books and being with my family. It serves as an important reminder, for my family and I, that we really don’t need our phones to live a happy, healthy life.


(Thanks for reading everyone. I sincerely hope you got some ideas about how to live more harmoniously with your smartphones. Out of interest, what tips or advice do you have, if any, for living more mindfully with yours? As always I welcome ALL thoughts and opinions on this blog.)