Tag: faith

Stuck in the Clouds: On Playing To Win, Giving Up Versus Letting Go, and What It Means To Fly.

Stuck in the Clouds: On Playing To Win, Giving Up Versus Letting Go, and What It Means To Fly.

AP2

Hello lovely readers and welcome back to my high-flying newsletter! The only newsletter that believes you should imagine you’re about to die…

Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good!

Let’s begin!

3 Thoughts:

1) “Live your life as if it will end just a few moments later. Let that decide what you say and do. Let that decide how you live and love. Do that and you’ll see what it really means to fly.” – click to tweet

2) “Imagine a football team that tries to avoid losing at all costs. One that only ever defends. How can they possibly win? The answer is they can’t. You have to risk being scored against in order to score yourself. You have to play to win, not to avoid losing. To do that you must combine action with acceptance. You must be willing to sacrifice your desire for control – of knowing what the outcome will be – and then go ahead and take a shot anyway.” – click to tweet

3) “Giving up is very different to letting go. When we give up it’s because we fail to see the the meaning in it. It’s like saying, “I will never look like Brad Pitt so why bother exercising.” Whereas letting go means accepting what you cannot control/change. It’s about accepting those love handles and then picking up the dumbbells anyway. Letting go is a courageous act that requires requires stepping into the unknown. It’s insecurity. That’s exactly what defines faith. ” – click to tweet

2 Quotes:

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

― Albert Einstein

“Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness.”

― Alejandro Jodorowsky

1 Joke: 

The other day my 2 year old asked me, “Daddy, can you put my t-shirt on?”

I replied, “Well, I can try.”

So, I took his t-shirt and placed it over my head.

With my head stuck inside I said, “As you can see, it doesn’t fit me very well.”

You can find more of AP2’s writing here at: https://wiseandshinezine.com

You can also find him on Medium at: https://anxiouspilot2.medium.com

You can also email him directly at: anxiouspilot2@gmail.com

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Stalling: The Paradox of Meaning

Stalling: The Paradox of Meaning

AP2

“The cradle rocks above an abyss, and common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness.”

—Vladamir Nabokov.

“What does nihilism mean? That the highest values devaluate themselves. The aim is lacking; “why?” finds no answer.

— Friedrich Nietzsche

Meaning is the antidote to an inherently meaningless existence.

We need meaning to give ourselves a psychological footing to stand on. We need meaning to make sense of an incomprehensible universe.

We need meaning to feel that life is worthwhile despite the fact it ends with our inevitable demise – that nothing matters in the grand cosmic scheme of things.

This is how we keep the existential worm at the core at bay. Meaning gives us the mental footing we need to prevent us from falling into the psychological abyss.

Our reason for living stems from a refusal to acknowledge our mortality.

Now, this isn’t some crazy idea I’ve pulled out of my pilots hat! (Although I have a few.)

Ernest Becker raised this point in his masterpiece of a book, The Denial of Death, claiming the why of human existence stems from a vital lie – man’s refusal to acknowledge his own mortality.

And it is a vital lie. Because we are biologically hardwired for survival and yet we know death is inevitable

Biologist Ajit Varki argued the overwhelming fear of death would “be a deadend evolutionary barrier, curbing activities and cognitive functions necessary for survival and reproductive fitness.” 

If we didn’t have a way to keep our mortal terror at bay we would be unable to take the necessary risks to survive – we would be unable to find the necessary motivation to carry on living.

Otherwise the worm would lurch forth from our subconscious and swallow us whole. 

To manage fear we must feel we are valuable members of a meaningful community.

Terror Management Theory is an empirically oriented offshoot of Becker’s position. Authors Sheldon Solomon, Jeff Greenberg, and Tom Pyszczynski spent 25 years researching and testing Becker’s original hypothesis.

They presented the findings in their book, The Worm at the Core, showing conclusively that our unconscious fear of death and the desire to transcend it drives almost everything we do. 

They note to manage the knowledge of death humans call on two basic psychological resources:

“First, we need to sustain faith in our cultural worldview, which imbues our sense of reality with order, meaning, and permanence. The paths to literal and symbolic immortality laid out by our worldviews require us to feel that we are valuable members of our cultures. Hence, the second vital resource for managing terror is a feeling of personal significance, commonly known as self-esteem.”

They go onto say, “The twin motives of affirming the correctness of our world-views and demonstrating our personal worth combine to protect us from the uniquely human fear of inevitable death.”

Modern psychology (and most of the self-help industry) is largely aimed at shoring up self esteem for this reason.

We have a massive problem with it in the modern world. Not just because we don’t value our own society anymore, but because the things our society values are fucked.

The cultural values of wealth and status in particular, and the humiliation of not having those things, are sources of anxiety for millions. It exacerbates the issue of heroic individualism – our desperate desire to measure up – that is causing us to all burnout and stall.

Not only do we need to feel good about ourselves, we need to see through ourselves.

But shoring up self-esteem is only part of the puzzle. I would argue this fixation on self-esteem is failing us on some fundamental level. It’s giving people relief – much needed relief, no doubt – but it’s not, ultimately, a cure.

It’s a bit like placing a bandaid on gunshot wound.

Unfortunately modern psychology often falls short of mentioning the worm at the core for fear of angering the hornets nest. I say we need to give the hornets nest a good fucking shake.

Even with the healthiest self esteem in the world, the worm is still buried deep beneath the surface. It’s still pulling the strings. While that’s better for the individual, arguably this is far more dangerous for the world at large.

The beliefs we use to protect us from our own fear of death become the things we are willing to die for.

Here’s where I flip the aircraft upside down and take the paradox of meaning to an even more absurd level.

We desperately need to understand that the meaning we give our lives is rooted in an existential fear of death. We need to understand where our need for meaning is truly coming from.

Otherwise we become incapable of challenging of our beliefs. We become incapable of updating them when we desperately need to.

Not only do we increase the risk of stalling, we run the risk of taking down an entire plane full of passengers with us – quite literally!

Now, the elephant in the existential room known as the universe here is God.

Atheists often deride a belief in God while failing to see the very real psychology security faith provides. Religious people suffer from depression and anxiety in far fewer numbers than non religious people.

The truth is God was an ingenious solution to what Buddha called the big problem of consciousness. 

The big problem of consciousness isn’t simply the knowledge we will die. The issue comes from taking the question of why to it’s natural conclusion. The eventual death of all things. Because nothing lasts forever. 

That includes the human race. 

Our cultures give us a sense of permanence that we crave, but that’s all it is. A sense. When you take the question of why to a cosmic level it finds no answer. Meaning falls away and all we are left with is a cold indifferent truly absurd universe. 

Here is where run the risk of throwing out the baby with the holy bathwater in the modern age. This is what greatly concerned Fredrick Nietche when prophesied about the death of God. Something that Viktor Frankl subsequently called the existential vacuum. 

God provided us with the belief that our lives meant something as a whole. It was encompassing. The big issue that nihilism presents – what I believe to be at the crux of the modern day mental health crisis – is that meaning of our lives becomes contingent. 

It’s contingent on you being a valuable member of your country, or community, or family. Of course theses things are important. They do give our lives a huge amount of necessary meaning. 

But the issue arises when we lose our job, when we get divorced or a family member dies. The issue comes when our health fails us – when we suffer a debilitating disease – because then what? 

If you can’t fufill your role as a valuable member of your community then what?

This is when the existential vacuum sucks the life out of us. This is when the worm eats whatever remaining life we have left for breakfast. 

Friedrich Nietzsche is regularly quoted as saying those who have a why can bear almost any how.

What if the only way to prevent the existential worm at the core from eating you alive is to give yourself up to something? Perhaps we need an unshakable why to counteract the crushing how of existence?

Now there’s a question to chew on.

One of the major things that people struggle with is the underlying sense that something is missing in their lives.

It’s just, they can’t put a finger on it. Even when they have everything on paper, they still feel something is off. The existential grumblings beneath the surface torment them. So much so they can’t even sit still for fear of having to confront it.

But confront it we must. As it turns out, the worm holds the fucking key.

This is part four of a series of posts on the subject of stalling in life.

Part 1: Stalling: The Aerodynamics of Life

Part 2: Stalling: Why We Lose Lift

Part 3: Stalling: Why We Lose Lift (2)

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You can find more of AP2’s writing here at: https://wiseandshinezine.com

You can also find him on Medium at: https://anxiouspilot2.medium.com

You can also email him directly at: anxiouspilot2@gmail.com

5 Counter-Intuitive Ways To Find Your True Calling

5 Counter-Intuitive Ways To Find Your True Calling

AP2

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

– ALBERT EINSTEIN 

Following on from my post, The Only Thing The World Needs From You, I realised the advice I gave, although brilliant (ha), could be summarised by saying one should chase their dreams while simultaneously telling society to go fuck itself…

I stand by my words of course, but I realised it probably doesn’t help those who have absolutely no idea what they actually what to do.

For that reason, I decided to put this more practical post together in order to help any lost souls find their true calling in life (whatever the fuck that means).

Anyway, buckle up boys and girls, because I’m about to blow your minds wide open…

Let’s begin.

1. Don’t Do What You Don’t Love 

So many talk about chasing their dreams or following their heart or some other trite bullshit, as if everyone’s already figured out what that is. Yet for so many of us we have no idea what we really want. Often not knowing makes us feel like we’ve got something badly wrong. The truth is it’s completely understandable given the sheer amount of noise out there.

The question remains though, how are we suppose to understand what we want? How can we listen through the noise long enough to make sense of our place in all of it? If you really have no idea what you want then I suggest starting with the opposite.

If you don’t know what you want to do, become clear about what you don’t want to and stop doing it.

Use the process of elimination to take you closer.

The same way if you want to get fit and healthy, but hate running, don’t spend an hour on the fucking treadmill everyday – do something else instead! Dance or box or climb some rocks if that floats your boat. Do what ever it is you think you might like.

Ultimately you don’t have to like those things either, but I guarantee if you keep searching, if you keep cutting out the shit you don’t want to, you’ll eventually find the thing that you do.

There are always ways to make things you don’t want to do, like exercise, into things you actually do like dancing or boxing or surfing. Your job is no different. 

Don’t settle for the treadmill. Don’t settle for the dead end job you hate. Find the shit that gets you excited by saying no to the shit that doesn’t.

2. Stop Thinking About The Future

Sit down and meditate for hours if need be. Seek out professional help if you have to.

Whatever it is you need to do to stop the monkey mind from regurgitating the sheer amount of bullshit that society has fed it and find clarity.

I belief if you can do that, then what you need to do in the moment will become obvious. You won’t need to think about what you want in life. You’ll just know.

For me, at this moment in time, my calling is to write something that might be considered vaguely inspirational by some of you lovely readers. In about half an hour my calling will probably be to go make the world’s best sandwich. One day it was flying aeroplanes and travelling the world. The next day it was overcoming depression and anxiety. After that it has been trying to help others as I have, by channeling a mind that doesn’t know how to shut-the-fuck-up with a love of writing. On another day it was falling in love. After that it was starting a family.

I could go on. 

These are all things that have called to me. That made me feel alive. But those were only ever things I knew were right for me in the moment. If you can remain present I believe your calling will become clear.

3. Don’t Think You Only Have One Calling In Life 

Don’t think there has to be just one calling. In the moment there is only ever one calling but not throughout life.

Don’t think you need to peg your life to one career path.

It’s society that told you you had to have one long distinguished career. Who told you to had to get married to ‘the one.’ But there is no such thing as ‘the one’ or ‘the perfect job.’ There are millions of different types of people – as there are jobs – with some more compatible than others depending on the individual and where they are in life.

The relationships that work best are the ones where both understand the need to work at it. Not the ones who think because they’ve married “the one” everything will work out “happily ever after.” 

Society definitely fucked up our thinking up there.

Of course it certainly makes things simpler if you can have just one person and one career. And maybe for you that’s the case. Great – I’m not saying it can’t be – I just think it’s helpful to think in terms of not having to have one career path or life partner.

After all the pandemic could leave you unemployed and then, after being forced to spend too much time with your partner who realises doesn’t love you anymore, divorced…

Shit happens. When it does you have to embrace that shit with the fullness of your heart, or some other trite bullshit line. You get the point.

4. Imagine The Worst Case Scenario Then Do It Anyway. 

This brings me to my next bit of advice I stole from someone much smarter than me.

Imagine the worst case scenario of whatever you’re considering. Accept it as though it’s already happened and then go ahead and do it anyway.

Are you fucking crazy?! Probably but hear me out.

By worst case scenario I mean in a realistic sense – not if I go surfing a shark might attack me as a tsunami strikes while I get simultaneously hit by lightening from a freak storm that forms over head. No. I mean more like you could drown…

I joke of course.

What I mean is that maybe the water will be freezing cold and I end up shallowing sea water while everyone laughs at me because I can’t stand up on the board – ie you have a shitty time.

Did anyone die? Will anyone die if you leave that shitty job you hate?

The point of doing this is to understand that what we’re afraid of isn’t really that scary. Further that what we’re most afraid of isn’t very likely.

The chances are you might have loads of fun if you go surfing.

A great exercise to do if you’re considering a major life change is something called Fear Setting. Here’s what you do, 

1. Write out the major life change you’re considering. For example you might write, What if I… quit (or lost) my dead end office job? 

2. Next define the worst case scenario in detail. Ask yourself if it would be the end of your life (probably not)? Ask yourself how permanent it would be? It’s not like you won’t able to find another shitty job you hate right?

3. Next ask yourself what the benefits of a more probable scenario are? What are the definite positive outcomes (including for your self-esteem, mental and physical health etc) 

4. Next ask yourself what the cost will be if you do nothing? What will it cost you financially, emotionally & physically if you postpone that difficult choice? This is such a great question because if you zoom out ten years and you know you’ll still be miserable then you’ll see that the cost of inaction is often far greater.

5. Finally ask yourself what you’re so afraid of? It’s the fear of the unknown that prevents us from doing what we need to so to quote the big man Tim Ferris, “we end up choosing unhappiness over uncertainty.”

5. Trust Your Intuition 

I honestly don’t know what my calling will be tomorrow and I don’t want to know either. Life’s more beautiful when you allow yourself the freedom to change paths. When you’re not worrying about what career path to take tomorrow or what you said yesterday. When you’re fully invested in making the world’s best fucking sandwich. 

I find it’s a much more exciting to live this way. Give me excitement over security any day of the week. We all die at the end of it guys and gals. You gotta do the things that make you feel alive. Got to! 

The truth is I might well lose my job as a pilot because of this pandemic. Honestly I won’t chase it as a career if it comes to an end. I’m simply going to let it go. Not because there aren’t any other pilot jobs out there (there aren’t), but because I’ve found other passions. Other things I want to pursue. Other ladders I want to climb. I’ve had a great run but I’ve known for some time that a big change is due for me. 

I’m not going to do anything rash but when the time comes I’m trusting my gut.  I’m following my heart – whatever it is you want to call it – I know you know exactly what I’m talking about. That instinctual part that goes beyond the rational mind. The one that tells you to say ‘fuck it’ and go after what you want regardless of what anyone else thinks. Regardless of what your own rational mind has to say even. Because you know that it’s right in your heart.

Because you know it’s what will make you come alive. 

I’m done chasing someone else’s idea of success. It’s too hard. I like my own version better. I’ve found that the older I get, the more able and willing I am to simply say fuck that, to anything and everything I don’t want to do. I don’t shirk my responsibilities of course – I learnt the hard way that taking full responsibility for my life is something I definitely want – but I understand more clearly than I ever have about what it is I want. It’s been, and continues to be, an in-the-moment process.

For that reason I want to finish by saying please don’t be disheartened if you don’t know what you what to do with your life. Stay present and keep mixing it up. Don’t settle and remember that the worst case scenario is rarely as bad in reality – more often than not it works out for the best. Above all else trust your intuition. It exists for a reason.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m being called to make the world’s best sandwich…

Love to all X

As always ladies and gentleman I welcome ALL comments and opinions on this blog. I’m curious as to what you think about my advice and whether you have any additional gems you’d like to add? Thanks for reading!

The Simplest, Most Effective Way To Overcome Writer’s Block

The Simplest, Most Effective Way To Overcome Writer’s Block

AP2

Are you struggling for words? 

Stuck in a loop? 

Don’t know how to proceed? 

Do you feel like everything you’re writing is a pile of s***? That you’re making everything ten times worse than what you’d originally put down on paper?

Well fear not my friends, for I have the answer and boy oh boy is it a doozy!

I hope you’re ready because this will surely blow your mind.

Here it is…

The simplest, most effective way to overcome writer’s block is to…

KEEP WRITING

Yep, it’s that simple. 

Keep going. 

Keep plugging away and never give up. 

You have what it takes but you have to keep going.

You have to have the faith you’ll figure it out. That the words will come. Sometimes it takes revisiting and editing a damn post so many times you’ll wanna throw your laptop (and yourself) off the top of the highest skyscraper you can climb. 

Don’t do that.

Keep going. The struggle will pay off in the end I promise. Trust. 

I’ll add a couple more bonus tip for you.

You don’t have to write anything you don’t want to. Make sure you enjoy it.

Make sure you’re doing it because you love and believe in what you have to say. 

Forget the number of likes. That’s your ego’s need for attention. Listen to your heart. Your mind is meant to be its servant not the master. 

And if it really is too much. If you have been writing incessantly but only seem to be digging yourself an even messier hole to write yourself out of. 

Get outside and go for a walk. Or spend half an hour punching a bag. Whatever it is get out and do some exercise then come back to what you where stuck on. 

This always works wonders for me. In fact some of my greatest creative inspirations and solutions come from walking in my local park everyday. 

It really is be the best antidote. But once  you’ve had a healthy amount of time away don’t forget to come back and tackle that beast of a post you were stuck on. 

You will defeat it, if you simply keep writing…

(Sorry I ran out of words to say at this point so went outside to listen to the birds chirping in my local park. If you have any suggestions please do leave them in the comments section below.)