Tag: living on autopilot

The Three Areas of Self-Awareness: What on Earth Am I Feeling?

The Three Areas of Self-Awareness: What on Earth Am I Feeling?

AP2

What on Earth Am I Feeling?

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” – Blaise Pascal 

Disconnecting the autopilot is the practise of noticing when you’re distracted and then actively bringing your attention back to the present. 

But there’s a problem. It’s called turbulence. (Namely, your emotions.)

This is what happens when a pilot takes the autopilot out. For reasons only known to God, the ride gets much worse. (I swear it has nothing to do with my skills.)

The same thing happens when we remove all the distractions from our lives. The ride gets rather bumpy!

This is why meditation – which is essentially the practice of staying present with your immediate experience – freaks many people out. Why some people would rather electrocute themselves!

Because we are forced to deal with all the icky sticky emotions we’ve been bottling up for most of our lives.

Therapy achieves the same thing. 

You sit in a room – sans distractions – with someone who gets you to talk about the painful experiences you don’t want to talk about, while guiding you back to all the emotions you don’t want to feel until you capitulate into a big blubbering mess. (It’s a barrel of laughs.)

The Benefits of Disconnecting Your Autopilot

So what’s the benefit of doing this? 

Well, when we repress one emotion, we kind of repress them all. Acknowledging and letting them go enables us to feel the full kaleidoscope of experience. 

Of course, what we feel about things = who we are. 

This is what people mean when they prattle on about finding themselves or going on a spiritual journey. They’ve allowed themselves to start feeling again.

For those who have been bottling up their emotions for a long time this can be eye-opening. 

Maybe you realise, “Holy shit! I’ve been pretending I’m some badass macho man when, in reality, I’m really sensitive.” Or that you’re really competitive, but that was beat out of you during childhood.

A surprising emotion that came up for me in the wake of my depression was anger.

Now, I’d never thought of myself as an angry person. Indeed, I’m not. However, I almost never used to get angry. What I’d been doing was bottling the emotion up. I didn’t even realise I was doing it.

This was partly because I was taught not to get angry as a child. But also because I was bullied for over two years during my adolescence. 

Instead of expressing that anger as I should have, I turned it inward. 

As you can imagine, this created something of a fire-breathing dragon beneath the surface. It just laid dormant for years.

It wasn’t until I had my first child – whenever he started crying bloody murder – that I found I would get really, really angry. It was intense. 

Often I wanted to throw my kid out the window. Luckily I never did this! But I did have to go into another room and cool off. 

It wasn’t until I allowed myself to acknowledge said anger (and become clear that it had nothing to do with my child crying) that I was able to manage it more effectively. 

The Purpose of Self-Awarness

This is a good example of self-awareness doing me a massive favour – helping prevent me from passing on my own neurosis to my children (or at least limiting the damage).

But it also highlights why flying manually is so damn tricky. We have to reckon with who we really are.

It means acknowledging all the things about ourselves we wish weren’t true – all the ugly unsavory parts of our personality or nature – all our demons lurking deep beneath the surface (that we all have).

Coming to terms with these things can be very difficult – especially if you’re personality is as fucked up as yours truly. The desire is to judge ourselves or blame the world for all our problems.

Of course, this defeats the whole point of self-awareness – that is, self-acceptance.

We only feed the dragon if we refuse to accept it. 

Only by bringing these parts of ourselves into the light with compassion and understanding do we stand a chance of integrating the darker elements of our nature in a healthy way.

The Trap of Introspection

While these insights are extremely beneficial for helping us cope when we’re acting like a giant asshat, there is a bit of a trap when trying to understand why we are the way we are.

As it turns out, asking why we are the way we are is a surprisingly ineffective Self-Awareness question. It’s so ineffective, in fact, you really ought to stop asking it!

Research has shown we don’t have access to many of the unconscious thoughts, feelings, and motives we’re searching for. And because so much sits outside our conscious awareness, we often invent the reason why. 

Aside from being wrong the bigger issue with asking why is that it never stops. It’s like peeling an onion. Underneath the first layer may be an important insight. But after that, it’s just more onion. 

You have to be very careful not to keep peeling in a desperate attempt to try and find the grand cosmic truth for your existence (because there isn’t one).

Most of my issues are rooted in low self-worth. The reason for this is multi-fold based on a series of shit sandwiches I was served in my younger years. The temptation for me is to keep asking why. 

Was it because my parents doubted me? Was it because I was bullied? Was it because?.. 

It’s irrelevant! I understand the false belief that regularly causes my autopilot to fly me inverted straight toward a mountain. I know where it comes from, broadly speaking. 

That’s good enough. 

If I keep peeling the onion it indicates that I’m not accepting the truth about who I am. As a result, I end up trapped in unproductive thought patterns about the past – trying to unearth some grand cosmic truth that will set me free. 

(FYI, this is why frequent self-analyzers are more depressed and anxious and experience poorer well-being.)

The Ultimate Self-Awareness Hack.

None of this is to say you shouldn’t practice a little introspection. However, there is a far far better question to ask than why.

This really is a massive self-awareness hack. It’s so huge, in fact, I will bold it for you. (Mainly because I wish someone had told me this about a decade ago.) 

Ask what, not why. 

Asking what helps you frame the context of who you are regarding the situation you’re in much better. Put another way, what is solutions focused. 

In one study, psychologists J. Gregory Hixon and William Swann gave a bunch of undergraduates negative feedback on a test of their “likability and interest­ingness.” 

Some were given time to think about why they were the way they were, while others were asked to think about what kind of person they were. 

When the researchers had them evaluate the feedback, the “why” students spent their energy rationalising and denying what they’d learned, whereas the “what” students were more open to learning. 

Hixon and Swann concluded that “Thinking about why one is the way one is may be no better than not thinking about one’s self at all.”

To use a personal example, being fatigued is a major trigger for me. Following a long-haul flight, I would often turn into something of a giant asshat. Asking why only compounded my misery.

It wasn’t until I was brutally honest about how depressed I became for days following a long-haul trip that I realized I couldn’t keep doing it.

My body was telling me things my heart didn’t want to hear. Eventually this reached a tipping point where I felt the pain no longer justified the reward. 

It was a major reason why I quit my job. 

This, ultimately, is the whole point of asking what we are: To figure out what we should do about it. 

Summary:

  • Disconnecting the autopilot is the practise of noticing when you’re distracted and then actively bringing your attention back to the present. 
  • Flying manually (practising mindfulness) helps us understand how we feel about everything.
  • Asking why we are the way we are keep us trapped in unproductive thoughts about the past.
  • Asking what kind of person we are is solutions focused. It frames the context of who we are regarding our situation much better.

This is part 3 of a series of posts on the topic of Self-Awareness:

Part 1: The Automation Paradox

Part 2: The Three Areas of Self-Awareness: What on Earth Am I Doing?

***

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The Automation Paradox

The Automation Paradox

AP2

If there’s one aviation disaster that darkens my knickers more than most, it’s AirFrance 447 – the scheduled passenger flight from Rio de Janeiro to Paris, which crashed into the Atlantic Ocean on June 1st, 2009. 

In a very simplified nutshell, this is what happened.

Approximately 2 hours after takeoff, AirFrance 447 entered a storm system that caused the instrumentation that measures the aircraft’s airspeed to ice over. 

As a result, a few things happened:

  • First, they lost their airspeed indications (rather, they became unreliable).
  • Second, the autopilot said, “Here you go,” and dropped out. 
  • Finally, several of the aircraft’s protections were lost, including the ability to prevent the plane from stalling (as this required accurate airspeed indications).

Now the pilot flying, who was clearly spooked at the time, reacted by pulling back on the sidestick, pitching the aircraft into a steep climb. 

(Many experts are unsure as to why he did this. It’s possible he was trying to fly above the weather or thought they were going too fast. At any rate – at high altitude and heavy weight – this isn’t advisable.)

This caused the airspeed to decay and the angle of attack (the wing’s angle relative to the airflow) to increase. 

Shortly afterward, the stall alarm went off. 

At this point, the crew recognised that they had lost their airspeed. Although the pilot flying had reacted incorrectly initially, this should have been enough to correct his mistake.

All he had to do was point the nose back down.

Instead, the pilot flying continued to pitch up – the exact opposite of what we are taught to do to recover from a stall in flight. 

Eventually, the plane did stall. 

Despite repeated stall warnings, neither pilot ever acknowledged or even mentioned this as a possibility. 

In the ensuing confusion, it seemed they stopped trusting the aircraft’s indications altogether. (Clearly unaware that stalling the plane was even possible.)

Yet, despite not knowing what was happening or why, the pilot flying continued to pull back on the sidestick. He did this almost continuously till impact. 

As Popular Mechanics explains, “The reason that AF447 crashed wasn’t because of weather, or any malfunction, nor even a complex chain of events, but a single & persistent mistake on the part of one of the pilots.” 

The Automation Paradox

“It requires much more training and experience, not less, to fly highly automated planes.”– Sully Sullenberg.

There are many lessons to come from this disaster, but the most pertinent one highlights the dangers of placing too much faith in automation. 

Because of the massive technological advances in aviation, the chances of a pilot encountering a crisis in flight have significantly reduced. However, over – for the same reason – it has meant that pilots are often less able to cope when an emergency does occur. 

Many experts in the field have dubbed this the automation paradox. The very thing that has significantly improved airline safety over the past 60 years has made us worse at flying an aircraft. 

The hard truth is this: that minor glitch – a temporary loss of airspeed indication – overwhelmed the pilots that day. If they had sat on their hands and done nothing, they would have all lived to fly another day. 

Now, I don’t tell you all of this to darken your knickers or to make you think worse of the exemplary professionals sitting at the front of your aeroplane. (There are several extenuating factors I haven’t mentioned here.)

But to highlight the dangers an overreliance on automation poses to you in everyday life. 

The automation paradox is a threat to all of us. 

I’m not just talking about your car’s inbuilt GPS or your smartphones (although they don’t help). More specifically, I’m referring to the mode under which most of us operate for the vast majority of our lives: on autopilot.

The Dangers of Living on Autopilot

Contrary to popular belief, living on autopilot isn’t a bad thing. We were designed to automate the majority of our actions. This is what allows us to walk down the street without having to think about it. This allows us to stare at our smartphones at the same time. That is, until we face-plant a lamppost!

This is when living on autopilot creates problems. When we get too comfortable doing so – when we hide behind it or operate on it without even realising we are. 

Have you ever started walking in the wrong direction – say towards work instead of the shops – out of habit? Only to wake up after a few minutes?

This is what I mean.

It’s not operating on autopilot that’s the problem, but losing awareness of when we are and, consequently, what our autopilot is doing and why.

Much is made about the dangers of the automation paradox in aviation for this reason. 

A pilot who places too much faith in automation is more liable to stop paying attention, failing to understand what the aircraft’s systems are doing and why. Or, crucially, how they should respond on the rare occasion that the aircraft’s systems do fail.

A technically proficient pilot, on the other hand, who is paying attention is better equipped to first recognise and then handle any non-normal scenario when they may be forced to (or should) take over manually. 

This is something we like to call having good situational awareness. 

The 3 Levels of Situational Awareness

There are 3 levels to situational awareness:

  • Level 1 is the perception of what is happening.
  • Level 2 is the understanding of what has been perceived. 
  • Level 3 is using that knowledge to think ahead.

Priority number one, therefore, is to pay attention – to keep scanning your instruments – to make sure the aircraft is flying at the speed, level, and direction you want. 

If you’re not paying attention it becomes more challenging to understand what is happening and why – let alone formulate a plan to deal with it. 

But perception alone isn’t enough. We also need understanding. We need to be technically proficient. We need to understand our ships intimately. 

One of the best ways to do this is to practice hand flying. To prepare for the worst by thinking ahead and having a plan in place. But also taking the time to reflect – to learn from your mistakes – to spot your weakness and understand your strengths. 

Basically, know thyself.

Of course, what I’m really talking about here is self-awareness. Carefully monitoring your impulses, reactions, thoughts, and emotions gives you the best chance to work with them more skilfully – to understand whether they’re grounded in reality or not (probably not).

If you’re overly reliant on your autopilot, on the other hand, you lose this awareness. When you fail to understand where your thoughts, reactions, or emotions are coming from, you’re more liable to let your autopilot take you on an inverted joyride till 5am on a Saturday morning… Or worse.

Perception + Understanding = Awareness. 

To return to the story of AF447, the pilots both perceived what had happened that day. Indeed, they accurately diagnosed the problem. But they never understood what that meant or how to respond.

The pilot flying reacted before he had a clear understanding of what was going on. Then both of them failed to understand the situation they had created for themselves. Despite never gaining clarity, the pilot flying kept pitching up in desperation. 

He kept beating his head against a brick wall.

This might be the most significant everyday issue we have. We act without awareness. We don’t sit on our hands long enough to gain the clarity we need before taking action. We don’t spend enough time living with the autopilot out – to understand how we should respond when faced with a challenging situation or emotion. 

To know that when we stall you must push the nose down.

We have a motto in aviation for this reason. It says, “Use it or lose it.” We say this because flying is a skill. And like any skill, it must be practiced to develop and maintain. 

Living on autopilot isn’t a big deal on most days when the weather is calm and visibility clear. But on a dark and stormy night, when the shit hits the fan blades, it isn’t your autopilot that will save you, but your ability to fly manually. 

How we do this, exactly. will be the subject of my upcoming series of posts.

You can find more of AP2’s writing here at: https://wiseandshinezine.com

You can also find him on Medium at: https://anxiouspilot2.medium.com

You can also email him directly at: anxiouspilot2@gmail.com