“The harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed. Proficiency and results come only to those who have learned the paradoxical art of doing and not doing, or combining relaxation with activity.” – Aldous Huxley “From birth, man carries the weight of gravity on his shoulders. He is … Read more Stalling: Why Letting Go is the Key to Regaining Lift
I have a love-hate relationship with thinking. Sometimes, I get in these kinds of flow states where I follow my train of thought – connecting the dots along the way – to an exciting, unexpected destination. When I follow my thoughts in this way, I find it euphoric. I often derive my best writing doing … Read more Stuck in the Clouds: An Aviator’s Guide to Pointless Overthinking
The seeds of doubt were planted at a young age. I can’t tell you exactly when, but I know it started in childhood. I was lead to believe I wasn’t capable, that I would struggle in this life. In particular, concerns surrounded my abilities in English. At first, my parents worried that I had a … Read more Why I Write
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Howard Thurman (Source: The Living Wisdom of Howard Thurman: A Visionary for Our Time) I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, ‘what do you mean the ONLY … Read more The Only Thing The World Needs From You
We’re all looking for that Goldilocks position in life. That ultimate purpose specifically suited to our own unique talents and values.
Of course, we want to maximise our potential to do the most possible good. This is why many of us have this gnawing sense that the job we’re in isn’t quite right.
We feel like we are meant for something else, something more.
I didn’t pay much attention to my nature during adolescence, that critical life period when we are supposed to decide what we want to do forever and always. I simply did what I was told I should. Which was anything but the creative subjects I truly loved.
So I took a random collection of other subjects that left me increasingly confused about my future. Then I studied history for reasons I honestly couldn’t tell you, and then I decided to become an airline pilot.
Becoming a pilot was, at least, based on something I was passionate about. Traveling the world. Nothing satisfies my soul more. Still – and this is important – I didn’t become a pilot to fly aeroplanes.
In a sense, this has been a blessing. It’s placed a spotlight on the person I am.
And the person I’m not.
I believe this is why so many of us have joined the great resignation. And why many others feel incredibly burnt out.
We settle into a job. We get comfortable with it – we know we can do it and do it well – so we preserve with it even though we know it isn’t quite right. We keep pushing the boulder uphill.
But you can only fight your nature for so long before it catches up with you. At some point, you have to make a choice: You can either take a chance on the person you are or kill the person you are.
If you let that inner spark go out it can be very difficult to find the strength to fly again.
As I embark on the next chapter of my life, I mean to take a chance on the person I am. I mean to honour my inner child in the hope that I may do the most possible good with the gifts I have been given.
To inspire others through creativity.
As I embark on this journey, I want to take you along for the ride. I want to show you how to increase your self-understanding. I want to help you specialise in who you are so you don’t feel out of place anymore.
So that together, we may fly free in the knowledge we are exactly where we are meant to be.
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to 3-2-1 Flying Fridays! The only weekly post that takes an extended break without telling anyone… (I missed you all too!)
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 something special (maybe).
As a bonus I’ve finished with one joke that’s so bad, it’s good!
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) If you think of a task in its entirety it can often feel overwhelming. Like staring up at a dragon. If that’s the case, don’t tell yourself you have to take down the whole dragon today. Just see if you can take a step closer to the cave that it’s residing in. Simply sharpen your sword. Get your armour ready. Whatever it is – reduce your ambition till you find the task you are willing to do and then move towards it.
2)A low energy life is a dangerous one. To live optimally you need look after your energy levels. You need to match the amount you’re carrying to the amount of drive you have available depending on the time or day. That might mean letting something go, which can be hard. But if you don’t – if you carry too much weight – you run the risk of stalling. This makes things much harder.
3) Often the reason we don’t gain energy from/motivation for an activity is to do with our relationship towards it, not the activity itself.
2 x Quotes:
“Show me a man who isn’t a slave; one who is a slave to sex, another to money, another to ambition; all are slaves to hope or fear.”
— Seneca
“Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakes.”
— Carl Jung
1 x Thing:
This Psyche article: How to take things less personally by Joel Minden. I particuarly liked the advice about distinguishing thoughts from feelings. Quote:
“A good way to distinguish feelings from thoughts is to remember that feelings can often be summarised in one word – nervous, happy, surprised, scared – and thoughts are the ideas that drive or follow the feelings… practise labelling them whenever you have the opportunity. For example, if during a dinner, your guest suddenly got quiet and you thought: ‘He doesn’t like talking with me,’ acknowledge that you’re working with a thought that may or may not be true, and then consider the feeling that came with that thought. An example of a more accurate way to describe what happened is: ‘When he got silent during dinner, I felt sad because I thought he didn’t like talking with me.’ Remember that feelings are not debatable – you just feel how you feel, even when you wish you didn’t. Your thoughts, on the other hand, can be challenged, revised or replaced with more realistic and useful ones.“
1 x Joke:
We took our kids to beach yesterday.
I turned to my eldest and said, “How does the sea say hi to the beach?”
So my muse decided to take a holiday recently. He packed his bags and went to Hawaii or somewhere. And I know he’s been sitting in the sun drinking Pina Coladas the whole time.
That smug bastard.
Now, I should say I told him to take a break. The problem is, I’ve found it hard to get back into the flow of things. It turns out my muse enjoyed his holiday a little too much!
1I figured the break would do me good. I thought I would be raring to go by the time “I was ready” to write again. But that’s not been the case.
This is odd given my firm belief that you should take a break if you find the muse begging. In my experience you only end up creating more work for yourself if you try to force it.
If you feel overly stressed or burnt-out, I suggest you walk away and grab a beer. Catch up with some friends. Play with your children. Whatever it is, sometimes the muse just needs a little time to connect the dots.
I swear it works wonders.
That said, I’ve realised that there is such a thing as too much time off. So much so that muse forgets the dots altogether. You still need to show up most days.
If you want to increase your creativity, you need some perseverance. Of course, you have to be around to catch the muse when that smug bastard actually bothers to show up.
Consistency and creativity go hand in hand.
The trick, I think, is to make sure you show up almost every day. But make sure, when you sit down to write, you do so without any expectations. Don’t pressure yourself to create something you must publish. Just aim to have some fun. Horse around a little.
Speak your mind.
Then review it in the light of the next day. It doesn’t matter whether you wrote complete garbage. Ruthlessly murder all of your darlings if you have to.
What matters is that you showed up. This is how you learn. This is how you improve. The more you do this, the more willing your muse will ultimately be.
With that said – and this is perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned during my recent creative leave of absence – what matters most of all is that you show up for life first and foremost. Your muse isn’t going to play ball if you have bigger fish to fry.
To quote Steven King, “Life is not a support system for art. It’s the other way around.”
The real reason I took an extended leave of absence is because my wife got a job offer in Singapore. Provided the visa gets approved, I will be tendering my resignation and leaving behind a job and a life here in Hong Kong I’ve spent the last decade building.
Of course we needed some time to prepare ourselves for this potential move. I also needed some time to process my emotions which, as you can imagine, have been a little over the place.
Between this, my full-time job and parenting two frenetic boys, I decided to put blogging on the back burner for a while.
Honestly, I’m glad I did. It’s been a bit of a struggle to get back into it, but here I am. I feel ten times lighter for it.
The good news is my muse – that smug bastard – is starting to come round. And guess what?
He’s rocking a sweet tan.
He’s telling me, it’s time to get down to business.
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to 3-2-1 Flying Fridays! The only weekly post that likes to lift you up before bringing you back down to earth.
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 something special (maybe).
As a bonus I’ve finished with one joke that’s so bad, it’s good!
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) A simple three letter word for developing a growth mindset: YET (Click to tweet)
2)If you never assume you’re a good person, you will continue to look for how you can be a better one.(Click to tweet)
3) The beauty of a moment comes from its impermanence. The moment you cling to it, it’s destroyed. In order to truly live in the moment, therefore, you have to let go... of everything!(Click to tweet)
2 x Quotes:
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less”
— Rick Warren
“Whatever you’re doing, a sense of superiority will make you worse at it. Humility, on the other hand, will make you better. The moment you think you’ve got it all figured out, your progress stops. Instead, continue to advance and improve by reminding yourself how much more there will always be to discover. Confidence is positive and empowering, but arrogance is deadly. Be confident, but not at the expense of your respect for others. Don’t burn up all your energy proving how great you are. Invest your time and energy being thoughtful and helpful. See the victories not as proof of your supremacy, but as opportunities to offer more value to life. See the defeats not as personal affronts, but as chances to learn and grow stronger. Take care not to waste your time in delusions of grandeur. Embrace the power of confident humility, and live well.”
– Ralph Marston
1 x Thing:
This BBC article by David Robson: How thinking about ‘future you’ can build a happier life. It points out, ‘a number of studies have shown that those who struggle to imagine their future selves as a continuation of the person that they are today, tend to be less responsible. Those who have a vivd sense of their future self, on the other hand, tend to be more responsible.’
One suggestion for helping to increase this connection to your future self is “to write a letter to yourself 20 years from now, describing what is most important for you now and your plans for the coming decades.” It goes on to suggest “that you could amplify the effects by writing a reply from the future, since that will force you to adopt a long-term perspective.”
1 x Joke:
We took our children on a trip aboard the iconic Star Ferry here in Hong Kong the other day.
Just before we departed my eldest shouted, “ALL ABOARD!!”
I laughed before commenting, “Well said. Just like a train conductor!”
My wife asked, “What do boat drivers usually say when it’s time to leave?”
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to the Flying Fridays newsletter! The only weekly newsletter that starts the year a week later than everyone else.
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 something special (maybe).
As a bonus I’ve finished with one joke that’s so bad, it’s good!
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) If you don’t want to get stuck in the past, you must embrace the future.
2) When setting resolutions remember the language you use matters. You don’t have to write in a gratitude journal, you get to. You don’t have to be part of saving the planet for our children, you get to be. You don’t have to eat your vegetables or go for a run at 5am (you definitely don’t have to do that), you get to live a healthy lifestyle.
3) Two rules for writers: 1. Do more living than reading. 2. Do more reading than writing. Feed your brain with experiences and books before you write.
2 x Quotes:
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
– Vivian Greene
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
– Rumi
1 x Thing:
This BBC article by David Robson: Are New Year’s resolutions powerful or pointless? The article explores the psychological reasons behind setting resolutions at the start of a new year with something known as “the fresh start effect.”
Katy Milkman, a psychology professor noted,“Any time you have a moment that feels like a division of time, your mind does a special thing where it creates a sense that you have a fresh start. This helps you to create psychological distance from past failures allowing you to feel that any mistake was the “old you” and that you’ll now do better.”
A useful takeaway mentioned that those who set approach goals – which involves adopting a new habit like meditation – versus those who set avoidance goals – which, as the name suggests, involves quitting something like sweets, alcohol or social media – were about 25% more likely to meet them.
The good thing is, if you want to give something up, you can turn into an appraoch goal. For example, if you want to give up social media, make the goal to take up reading ebooks whenever you feel like a bit of downtime on your smartphone.
1 x Joke:
I thought you might enjoy this.
“Lexophile” describes those that have a love for sentences such as, “You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish,” and, “To write with a broken pencil is pointless.”
An annual competition is held by the ‘New York Times’ to see who can create the best original lexophile.
This year’s submissions:
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.
I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
When chemists die, they barium.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 something special (maybe).
As a bonus I’ve finished with one joke that’s so bad, it’s good!
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1)The ability to entertain (and thus love) yourself is a skill developed through boredom.
2) If only have time for one thing today, meditate. If you have time for two, meditate and then exercise. If you have time for three, add quality time with those you love. Look after yourself first and foremost, then your innermost circle. Expand outward from there.
3)A gratitude journalling hack: Instead of writing down what is clear and obvious, think of the things you’re not grateful for. Think of the things, relationships, circumstances, etc. that you find trying. Then think of a good reason to be grateful for them. For example, I might say I’m grateful for what this pandemic has taught me about resilience. I’m grateful for the clarity it has given me about what I want for both myself and my family. We suffer when we feel our pain holds no meaning. The moment you derive a clear meaning from your pain, you cease to suffer.
2 x Quotes:
“Tell me, and I forget, teach me, and I may remember, involve me, and I learn.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”
Let me ask you a question. When you play a game, when you embark on a project, when you go to work, when you get up in the morning, when you sit down to write, when you make a presentation, when you have to do anything,
Are you playing to win or to avoid losing?
If you’re wondering what the difference is, when you play to win you’re focused on it. When you play to win, you back yourself to achieve, you back yourself to perform, you back yourself to get shit done.
When you’re playing to avoid losing, on the other hand, well, you’re not really playing. You’re simply trying to avoid making mistakes. Your focus is on the negative outcome. As a result, you’re always on guard for fear of failure or embarrassment.
When I didn’t really want to be at work – when I had to fly through the night or with a Captain I didn’t get along with, I fretted. Not only did this spoil the game, it affected my performance. Even if I did make it through unscathed, the feeling wasn’t one of confidence but relief.
The truth was, on those occasions, I wasn’t in it to win it. I was merely trying to avoid failure for fear of being found out.
Conversely, when I did show up to work with a willing attitude. When I backed myself to do well in a sim or pull off a landing in tricky conditions, it was rarely as bad a day at the office. Not only would I perform better and gain more confidence as a result, if I did make a mistake I was able to look at it objectively.
Instead of viewing them as confirmation that I wasn’t capable, I was able to take the lessons onboard. That same attitude then gave me the impetuous to get back on the horse and have another go.
The question is, how do we adopt such an attitude consistently? How do we take a performance approach to work and life every time we show up to play?
For Adopting a Winning Mindset
One technique that’s used by many top athletes is visualisation.Psychology Today notes that mental practices “enhance motivation, increase confidence and self-efficacy, improve motor performance, prime your brain for success, and increase states of flow.”
The idea is you mentally rehearse the performance ahead of time. Not only that, you visualise the future after you’ve achieved your goal. You picture it in vivid detail. Imagine the scene – the time and place, the people you’re with, how it feels, etc. The more detailed the meditation, the better. It helps to combine it with a positive affirmation.
But before you do that, there’s an important question you should ask yourself. Especially if you find yourself repeatedly playing to avoid losing. That’s why you’re playing the game that you are, because the reason you’re playing – your why – has got to be bigger than winning.
Success alone isn’t enough. Winning isn’t enough. Why do you want more followers on Twitter, or Instagram, or WordPress? Why do you want to become a published author? Why do you want to get that promotion? Why do you want to be a captain, or a lawyer, or a doctor?
What is the reason for playing the game that you are?
It’s worth stating that no child plays to win. A child plays because it wants to play. That’s because playing is an expression of joy. Playing is an expression of freedom. Playing, in its purest form, is an expression of love.
The reason for playing at anything is for the love of that thing.
You play to play. Similarly, you write to write. You don’t write to become a published author or get thousands of followers. You don’t write to win. You write because you love the craft. You fly aeroplanes because getting airborne gives you a rush that few other things can.
One of the problems we have in today’s results-obsessed culture is that we forget those reasons for playing in the first place. That desire to win, to be successful, to say we have achieved this, that or what-the-fuck ever (by the way, no-one else cares except you) takes over. We end up thinking that winning is the point.
This blinds us.
If you’re not careful, ambition has a way of sucking the life out of everything in its wake. It has a way of sucking the fun out of play too. Which misses the point completely.
Winston Churchill once said, “Success is going from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” That’s the point right there. To keep your spirit, to keep your love for the game going no matter how many times you get knocked down. So you get back up, over and over again.
If you play enough times in this life, you will win eventually. The most important thing is to make sure that you’re playing the game you want to play when you do.
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to Mindset Mondays! The only weekly post that is considering becoming a monthly post instead…
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 thing I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that has helped me grow.
As a bonus I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) Thoughts are like clouds. When you view them from the outside in, the ride is smooth. However, if you’re stuck inside the ride is turbulent. Just like an aeroplane, if you find yourself stuck in the clouds, it’s best to take a seat and ride it out. Trying to “fight” the turbulence only makes it worse.
2) If you want to instil a greater sense of control in your life it’s important to set clear boundaries. A child who isn’t given clear boundaries is unruly, and so it is with you.
3) The moment you want something, you are no longer present. If you are not present you cannot be at peace. To actively practise not wanting is at the heart of mindfulness.
2 x Quotes:
“Don’t beat yourself up for what you couldn’t do, or didn’t do. Just do the best you can now, now, and now.”
– Akiroq Brost
“Freedom without discipline is foolish, discipline without freedom is insanity.”
– Ilona Mialik
1 x Thing:
This BBC work-life article: How mindfulness could make you selfish. The article cites a study which suggests, “Practicing mindfulness can exaggerate some people’s selfish tendencies. With their increased inward focus, they seem to forget about others, and are less willing to help those in need.” The likelihood is greater for those with a more independent worldview (versus those who have a more interdependent one). Well worth the quick read.
1 x Joke:
Another far side comic for you all this week. I hope you enjoy!
“Procastination isn’t caused by laziness. We don’t postpone tasks to avoid work. We do it to avoid negative emotions that a task stirs up – like anxiety, frustration, confusion, and boredom.”
Do you know that feeling, after you’ve written out your to-do list, despite how it’s suppose to make you feel, when all you want to-do is crawl under a rock and die?
You know, when a slow and painful death seems preferable to confronting the mountain of tedious work you feel you have to-do?
And so you slowly put down your to-do list, walk over to the couch, gently sit down, carefully pick up the remote control and turn on NETFLIX. Which you then proceed to binge watch for several hours…
A bit like a psychopath who completely disconnects from all his or her responsibilities and emotions?
I’m sure you do.
Anyway this got me thinking.
Why exactly does writing out our responsibilities on paper cause some us to run away from them faster than a teenage boy climaxes?
After all we know this kind of behaviour doesn’t help us, yet we can’t help ourselves. Sometimes all we want is to tell life to go fuck itself and so we do, even if that means fucking ourselves in the process.
The real question, of course, is how can we stop our to-do lists from making us feel like shit and help us get shit done instead?
Well fear not my fine readers for I’ve complied 5 simple tricks – as partially backed by science – to help you not only write a to-do list that doesn’t make you want to tell life to go fuck itself, but carry it out as well!
…
You’re very welcome!
1 – Do the thing that scares you the most first.
“The task you’re avoiding isn’t always the one you hate. Sometimes it’s the one you fear. The one that’s most worth pursuing.”
The science shows that making a plan to complete a task provides the same mental relief as completing the task itself.
Which is exactly the point. Writing a to-do list is suppose to make you feel better so you can actually get started with something.
It’s suppose to get you in the mood… (Yeah baby!)
The problem for me, and I suspect countless others, was never a matter of productivity, but what it was I actually chose to accomplish during the day. I now realise I used my to-do list as a way to constantly defer the shit I was most afraid of.
I’m not talking about homework assignments here of course. I mean things like confronting my depression by asking for professional help or having certain difficult conversations with certain family members about shit I really don’t want to talk about…
Yeah, you know, the shit you really need to be doing first!
It was pointed out to me, in Adam Grant‘s excellent worklife podcast episode – ‘the real reason you procrastinate,’ that it wasn’t the tasks I was avoiding but the emotions I’d attached to said tasks.
The problem with ignoring these tasks is you inadvertently give those emotions (the thing that you’re actually afraid of confronting) greater hold over you. Thus the longer you leave said tasks undone the harder they become to-do.
Unfortunately there’s only one solution.
However scary they are, the tasks that you fear the most are exactly the ones you should be pursuing first. Not tidy the apartment!
Why?
Well it’s a classic Catch 22. By doing the very tasks you’re afraid of, you’re helping to confront and resolve those emotions that caused you to avoid those tasks in the first place.
If you don’t want to live with those emotions any longer, then you have to stop avoiding them. You have to rip the bandaid off. If you don’t it’s only gonna hurt more later on. Believe me!
Of course I realise this might not be what you want to hear so I thought I’d offer a few more tips that can help you do what’s necessary by putting things into perspective.
2 – Ask yourself, “What would I do if today were my last on earth?“
It’s important to be very clear about what your most important tasks are on any given day. Often we’re not. A great way to do this – something I do every morning as part of my journalling routine – is to ask yourself the following question:“What would I do if this were my last day on earth?”
I’m guessing your to-do list would look markedly different.
Things like telling your family how much you love them. Apologising for any major wrong doings or forgiving those that wronged you would also probably appear. Remaining as present as you possibly can be. Paying attention to every waking moment for the truly precious moment that it is! Sitting with and observing any difficult emotions. Allowing those emotions to come out (instead of watching NETFLIX). Taking a walk outside to feel the elements – wind, rain, hail or shine! Simply being…
You get the point.
Of course you shouldn’t take this question too seriously otherwise you’ll probably bin your to-do list altogether and tell your boss to-go fuck himself. Perhaps not in the best interest of your future self…
Still, this is a great question because it helps align your to-do list with the values you hold closest. It helps to prioritise the things that you really should.It also puts thing into perspective.
The truth is you don’t have to-do anything. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment and self-loathing by thinking so. You don’t have to-do anything if you don’t want to.
You get to do those things.
Which brings me to my next trick for reframing your to-do list. That is…
3 – Write a GET to-do list instead
Put that at the top in big bold capital letters: GET to-do.
Not only does this set yourself up to be more grateful for what you feel you might have to-do, it also helps to take the pressure off.
You get to do it, you don’t have to do it.
Keep reminding yourself of this important fact.
I’d add another small tip.
Write out 3 things you’re grateful for today before you write out your get to-do list. I could show you some science that shows just how beneficial having a gratitude practise is, but I don’t want to bore you.
You know all this.
The point to label is YOU GET TO-DO THESE THIHGS. One day you’ll be dead and you won’t get to.
It helps to keep that in mind.
4 – Keep it modest and specific.
How much do you really need to-do today?
So many of us put everything down we’d like to complete and then burn out after realising we’ll never be able to achieve all those things.
You’ve got make it manageable.
Don’t say I’ll write one blog post or go for a 10km run or finish reading that book. Say I’ll write one paragraph, jog for five minutes and read one chapter.
Simply taking a step in the right direction is enough.
So what if you didn’t quite get everything you wanted to-do done?
The most important thing is that you enjoyed it. You’re never going to enjoy it if you’re always racing towards the finish line.
And if you really don’t manage to complete much, if anything, of what you intended, then please refer to point number 5.
5 – Show yourself show compassion.
‘You can change some of those emotions by showing yourself compassion.We procrastinate less when we remind ourselves that it’s part of the human condition. We’re not the only one suffering from it.’
A tough one to finish I know. The truth is I’m awful at being kind to myself.
This is why, every morning as part of my meditation routine before I do anything else, I practise a loving kindness meditation for everybody including myself.
After all it can’t be called universal compassion if it doesn’t include yourself.
It’s important to remember we’re all fallible humans at the end of the day. Things like confronting our demons aren’t easy. It takes time to find the courage.
Go easy on yourself if you don’t do that scary task.
Who honestly get’s everything they mean to-do in a day? Really? I certainly don’t.
That said, I tell my wife I love her every night before bed without fail. I make sure I spend a couple of quality hours with my boys – laughing and playing with them every afternoon before dinner. I meditate every single morning and take every opportunity to practise mindfulness whenever I can. I always go for a walk outside as a way to remind myself that I’m alive and how fucking amazing that is!
Quite frankly the rest can fucked. Occasionally it does!
The older I get the more willing I am to say, so the fuck what? Tomorrow’s another day right? If you fall off the horse today, simply get back on it tomorrow. Falling down is inevitable. Getting back up is what matters.
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to Mindset Mondays! The only weekly post that posts every other week…
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 thing I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that has helped me grow.
As a bonus I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) Life is meaningless by design. It’s a blank canvas that you’re suppose paint meaning onto. Keep doing that and you might just create a masterpiece.
2) An idea for reviewing goals: Everyday, review your weekly goals. Every week, review your monthly goals. Every month, review your 1 year goals. Every year, review your 5 year goals. Repeat.
3) Don’t worry about success or fame or “making it.” The moment you do, you fail to see what success really is. I find it works the same way as happiness. The more you try to chase it, the less likely you are to find it. Live by your principles first and foremost. Concentrate on being a better person and serving a greater cause. Do that and you might just find some of this stuff people call “success.”
“When people prattle on about needing to find their “purpose,” what they really mean is that it’s no longer clear what feels important. The question of purpose is really just a question of values.”
If you have the time this podcast is well worth a listen. I found Huberman’s knowledge about using your vision to reduce stress to be particular insightful. There’s a good reason why looking out at a vista feels calming.
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 thing I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that has helped me grow.
As a bonus I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
2) It’s one thing to learn from guilt – to use that to make you a better person. It is a whole other thing to let guilt tell you you’re not capable of being a better person. Failingto see that difference really is a crying shame.
“All writers are vain, selfish and lazy, and at the very bottom of their motives there lies a mystery. Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.”
– George Orwell
“Aging is the extraordinary process of becoming the person you were meant to be.”
-David Bowie
1 x Thing:
This very interesting BBC article by David Robson: Why introverts didn’t actually ‘win’ lockdown. The article challenges the preconception that introverts would thrive in lockdown conditions. As it turns out, quite the opposite is true. Well worth the quick read! Quote below:
“Introverts tend to experience more intense emotions, and they find it harder to regulate those feelings and to adjust to new situations. This means they tend to have poorer emotional wellbeing. Such tendencies may have made them more vulnerable to the stress of the pandemic.”
1 x Joke:
Another aviation themed far side comic for you all this week. I hope you enjoy!
Thanks ladies and gentlemen, I’m here all week! As always I welcome ALL thoughts and opinions on this blog. Please let us know in the comments section below.
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 thing I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that has helped me grow.
As a bonus I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) Your future dreams don’t negate your present day responsibilities. (click to tweet)
2) There’s a big difference between trying something and experiencing it. The former is usually done from a fear of missing out. The latter is usually done with an open mind – from a place of genuine curiosity. (click to tweet)
3) Admitting you were wrong simply demonstrates you’ve grown as a person, not that there’s anything wrong with you. It’s important to keep reminding yourself that being wrong is the most ordinary thing in the world. (click to tweet)
2 x Quotes:
“The facts tell us what to do and how to do it, but it is our humanity which tells us that we must do something and why we must do it.”
– SULLY SULLENBURGER
“Flourishing depends on active participation in the real world: creating, connecting, and contributing.”
– ADAM GRANT
1 x Thing:
This hilarious Ted Talk with Tim Urban in which he discusses the issue with procrastination and why setting deadlines might be more important than you realise. Well worth a watch!
1 x Joke:
Another far side comic for you all this week – I hope you enjoy!
Thanks ladies and gentlemen, I’m here all week! As always I welcome ALL thoughts and opinions on this blog. Please let us know in the comments section below.
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to Mindset Mondays! The only weekly post that inspires you to care less…
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 thing I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that has helped me grow.
As a bonus I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) Giving a shit about everything makes you incapable of solving anything. That’s not to say your shouldn’t give a fuck, but to make sure your fucks are targeted. Then ruthlessly not give a fuck about anything else. The world will be far better off if you do this.
2)The creative process is about expressing your individuality. In order to express the truest version of yourself, you have to stop giving a fuck what anyone else thinks. The best creativity comes about spontaneously – from a place of playful freedom. That means allowing your subconscious mind to express itself through you. That’s how you unlock your creative genius.
3) While we’re on the subject of not giving a fuck, here’s why you shouldn’t give fuck about swearing, or most anything offensive that someone says: Because being offended is a choice. By being offended you give away your power. It lets your enemies know they don’t need sticks and stones to break your bones, because names will do just nicely.
2 x Quotes:
“There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.”
– Aristotle
“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you, real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self-acceptance opened.”
This Mark Manson article: How To Be More Productive By Working Less.This article explains why more isn’t necessarily better when it comes to work – and how working too much can actually produce diminishing/negative returns. If you’ve ever found yourself writing in circles to the point that you end up creating more work for yourself – this article is worth your time. Quote from the article below:
“Solving problems is to your mind as food is to your stomach. It needs a variety of stimulation and too much of one kind will cause it to get sick and tired. But what’s amazing is that leisure time—this ability to distract one’s brain away from problem-solving and work—actually makes your brain far more effective upon returning to work.”
Thanks ladies and gentlemen, I’m here all week! As always I welcome ALL thoughts and opinions on this blog. Please let us know in the comments section below.
One bonus idea: Why not write a give-a-fuck-about list detailing the things you care about most, and then use the process of elimination to cut out everything that’s not on it?
That’s what gave me the idea. I wanted to see what everyone had to say and see if I could spot any patterns – to see if I could gain some more clarity. Thankfully loads of you responded, so I had plenty to chew on. There were some obvious patterns, but also a few pieces of seemingly contradictory advice that forced me to do a bit of deeper thinking.
From everyone’s responses, I pieced together this list of indispensable life advice. I’ll get back to the topic of my personal crossroads another day. For now, I want to share this list with all of you here on Clear Air Turbulence. Listen carefully because this one is from your future selves!
I hope you enjoy.
1. Start looking after your finances
This was one of the most obvious bits of advice that stuck out. Take care of your finances. Pay off all your debt as soon as you can. Don’t spend beyond your means. Start saving for your retirement now! Take the time to educate yourself about boring things like investing and mortgages. Like or loath it, the hard reality is financial freedom is freedom. I believe if you’re sensible – if you put a little bit aside each month and diversify your investments – you should (hopefully) be pleasantly surprised by the time you retire.
2. Take better care of your health
Looking after your health is the physical equivalent of saving for retirement. Start paying more attention to your diet today. Get outside and move today. Don’t neglect your mental health. Talk to someone if you need to. I would add, an often overlooked aspect regarding health is making sure you have some insurance because, well, shit happens! I believe the best way to prepare for life is to prepare for the worst. That means considering the implications of your own death as well. Prepare for your own funeral while making every effort to delay it.
3. Prioritise time with your family
A number of you expressed regret about not having spent more time with your children, while others expressed regret about not having made the effort to form a closer bond with their parents… My take, reading between the lines, was not to put off that difficult conversation. Don’t wait till your loved ones are on their death beds (or indeed you are) to tell them how you really feel. Make time for them, today. The other side of that awkward conversation is a closer relationship.
4. Learn to love yourself
This one came up a lot in various forms. “Stop caring what other people think”, “learn to love who you are”, “practise self-acceptance”, etc. I think this might be one of life’s most important yet difficult lessons. I believe many of us feel we’re somehow lacking as individuals. Our inability to accept causes us to metaphorically whip ourselves. Of course this doesn’t work, at least, not without killing who you really are.
We also seem to forget the curious paradox that, as Carl Rogers once said, “When I accept myself as I am, then I can change.” If you ask me, the biggest secret when it comes to self-improvement is self-acceptance. This helps you work with your emotions instead of against them. This is also what I believe it means to love yourself. You’re not trying to become something more because you feel inadequate, you’re trying to become something more because you love yourself and want to reward that person.
5. Follow your heart but don’t be reckless
This was the first piece of advice that had me scratching my head. Some of you said you wished you hadn’t been so reckless, that you’d been more pragmatic about your decision making, whereas others wished they hadn’t played it so safe – that they’d taken more chances. After giving it some thought I came to the conclusion that there’s a big difference between taking a calculated risk based on what you know your heart wants, versus simply caving into impulsivity and doing what feels goodall the time. Life isn’t about simply doing what feels good, it’s about doing what you believe is right. That’s what it really means to follow your heart.
6. Sort out your career before you have kids
A few of you raised the point that it’s best to understand your place in the world before you bring kids into it. The younger you are, the more risks you should be taking. Don’t hesitate to change your degree or career path if you’re not enjoying the one you’re on. Better to experiment and make those changes earlier rather than later. Part of problem is this idea that one must go straight from school into the best possible university with a career plan for life already mapped out. Many of us then get “locked in” to these careers because of the debt we’ve taken on doing a degree we weren’t entirely sure about.
I often look back and wonder what the big rush was? (I’m a pilot with a history degree who is now considering a second career in psychology FYI!) Why not go out and experience the world first? Why not try travelling on a shoe string? Why not volunteer for a cause you believe in, or see what supporting yourself on a minimum wage is like (that will give you some added motivation) – and then ask yourself what you want your life to be about?
7. Don’t wait but have patience
It seems to me people either give up way too soon, or they never get started in the first place because they’re always waiting for the “perfect time.” This was reflected in what many of you said. Some of you said to get started right away, while others said to have patience – not to be be so naive and understand that is takes time to build the life you want. It reminded me of this Oprah Winfrey quote: “Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.” The way I see it, there are two ways to go about it. Build a business or hold a job that earns you enough money, that also gives you enough time to chase/do what you love on the side, or learn to earn enough money doing what you love. Either way, don’t wait to chase your dreams, but understand there’s a mountain you have to climb first.
8. Believe in yourself
This brings me nicely to the next piece of advice that so many of you gave. Believe in yourself. Back yourself to stand up for what you believe is right. Believe in your capacity to persevere in face of adversity. It’s important to remember that hope is for you, for your ability to deal with reality – not for reality itself. To quote my childhood hero Bruce Lee, “Do not pray for an easy life; pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.” Prepare for the worst while believing in your capacity to deal with it.
9. Lighten up
Now that I’ve relayed you with a very serious list of life lessons that you’ve all undoubtably failed to follow, let me finish this final piece of advice you gave – lighten up! Life is serious enough without us adding to it. You could spend your whole life planning for the perfect retirement only to get hit by a bus crossing the road. It’s important to prepare for the future, but not at the complete expense of today. Remember to laugh and be silly. Remain curious and let your inner child have a say. Certainly don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re still standing aren’t you? That, at least, is something worth smiling about.
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to Mindset Mondays! The only weekly post that enjoys eating its own words.
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 thing I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that has helped me grow.
As a bonus I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
This BBC article: Why some narcissists actually hate themselves. The article argues that narcissists – far from loving who they are – actually suffer from issues related to self-hatred. It suggests that this understanding can help us see through their actions and foster compassion for them instead. Well worth the quick read!
1 x Joke:
Another far side comic for you all this week, I hope you enjoy!
Thanks ladies and gentlemen, I’m here all week! As always I welcome ALL thoughts and opinions on this blog. Please let us know in the comments section below.
One bonus question: How can you make your actions more meaningful today?
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to Mindset Mondays! The only weekly post that believes you have to earn self-acceptance…
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 thing I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that has helped me grow.
As a bonus I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) Something better than hoping your children have a happy life, is hoping they have the strength to deal with a difficult one.
3) You aren’t meant to deny your emotions, you’re meant to negotiate with them. You say, “I understand you don’t want to go for a run, I understand you feel tired, but think about how great you’ll feel afterwards – think about the sense of accomplishment you’ll get once you’re done!” If you ask me, the biggest secret when it comes to self-improvement is self-acceptance. This allows you to work with your emotions, instead of against them. This is also what it means to love yourself. You don’t try to become something more because you feel inadequate, you try to become something more because you love who you are and want to look after that person to the best of your ability.
2 x Quotes:
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
This brilliant Ted Talk: How Great Leaders Inspire Action from the author of Start with Why, Simon Sinek. In this episode Simon explains the difference between leaders and those who lead using a simple but powerful model – starting with a golden circle and the question: “Why?” His examples include Apple, Martin Luther King Jr. and the Wright brothers. My favourite quote, “People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.” I believe his model could just as easily be applied to the world of blogging. Well worth the watch!
1 x Joke:
Another far side comic for you all this week, I hope you enjoy!
Thanks ladies and gentlemen. I’m here all week! As always I welcome ALL thoughts and opinions on this blog. Please let us know in the comments section below.
Our purpose changes day to day, moment to moment. Right now my purpose is to write this blog post. Later it will be to make the world’s best sandwich. After that, well, who knows?
Seriously!
For the vast majority of our existence on this rock we didn’t have the luxury to ask such questions. We we’re lucky if we found some nuts to eat. That was our life’s purpose – to survive!
The fact that we do have the luxury goes to show how lucky we really are. Even during a global pandemic the opportunities available to pursue from the comfort of our sofas is mind boggling.
The problem we have, if you want to call it that, is we have too much choice. For that reason we’re sacred to death of making the wrong one. We’re petrified of the idea that we might not making the very best of this one life we have.
So here’s my first idea.
1. Drop Your Expectations
Drop your expectation that that’s even possible. Drop your expectation that there’s a perfect choice to make. There isn’t and there never will be. If it helps I can tell you right now that you’re definitely not making the very best of the one life you have.
Why?
Because it’s impossible.
The problem with the belief that there must be one “true calling” is it stops us in our tracks. Many of us start thinking there must be something seriously wrong because we’re not “living the dream.” It’s a form of chasing perfection.
It’s not dissimilar to believing in “the one.” And what happens once you think you’ve found that perfect life partner? The moment they demonstrate they’re fallible human beings, just like you, your unrealistic expectations are going to be shattered. And then you’re gonna have a big blow out, or worse!
Instead of having an honest and open conversation where you both understand that any healthy relationship, just like any life purpose worth pursuing, requires constant struggle.
2. Ask Yourself What You’re Willing To Suffer For
Now here’s the thing.
The chances are there’s a better choice you could be making. In fact that’s a certainty. Equally you have the potential to make things a lot worse (Really?).
Unfortunately you’re not going to find out by binge watching NETFLIX. Which is also a choice. One that you will eventually hate yourself for.
We need a purpose. We need a cause to serve. That’s what gives our life meaning. And it’s that meaning that gives us the longer term peace and happiness we crave.
But we need to be clear about something.
It’s in the service of something bigger than ourselves that the happiness and peace we crave really starts to stick. You have to give yourself up to that cause.
That’s the big secret. Taking the focus off the self. If you ask me we shouldn’t even have a self-help section in the book store, we should direct everyone to a how-to-help-others section instead.
If you want to find motivation with a capital M then I suggest you pick a cause that is close to your own heart. Either way, stop thinking in terms of what’s best for you. Stop thinking what’s your life’s purpose.
A better question to ask is what can I do that will help people the most? What can I do with my time that’s important? What’s something I can do that adds value to other people’s lives that doesn’t want to make me gouge my eyes out? What is something I’m willing to suffer for?
3. Don’t Do What You Don’t Want To
If you’re still stumped then I suggest you use the process of elimination to get you there.
What are you doing that you hate with a passion? Stop doing that. Take away the shitty job and replace it with a slightly less shitty job.
Go down the road of trial and error.
The same way if you want to get fit and healthy, but hate running, don’t spend an hour on the goddamn treadmill everyday – do something else! Dance, or box, or climb some rocks if that floats your boat. Do what ever it is you think you might like.
Ultimately you don’t have to like those things either, but I guarantee if you keep searching, if you keep cutting out the shit you don’t want to, you’ll eventually find the thing that you’re willing to stick at. That you’re willing to suffer for.
It’s important to remember there are always ways to make things you don’t want to do, like exercise, into things you actually do like dancing or boxing or surfing. Your job is no different.
Don’t settle for the treadmill. Don’t settle for the dead end job you hate. Find the shit that gets you excited by saying no to the shit that doesn’t.
4. Imagine The Worst Case Scenario Then Do It Anyway.
If it’s the fear of the unknown that’s stopping you from acting, then I suggest you imagine the worst case scenario, accept it as though it’s already happened and then go ahead and do it anyway.
“Are you fucking crazy?!” Yes, but hear me out.
By worst case scenario I mean in a realistic sense – not if I go surfing a shark might attack me as a tsunami strikes while I get simultaneously hit by lightening from a freak storm that forms over head.
No. I mean more like you could drown…
I joke, of course.
What I mean to say is that maybe the water will be freezing cold and you could end up shallowing sea water while everyone laughs at you, i.e. you have a shitty time.
Did anyone die? Will anyone die if you leave that shitty job you hate?
The point of doing this is to understand that what we’re afraid of isn’t really that scary. Further, what we’re most afraid of isn’t very likely.
The chances are you might have loads of fun if you go surfing.
First, write out the major life change you’re considering. For example you might write, What if I… quit (or lost) my dead end office job?
Second, define the worst case scenario in detail. Ask yourself if it would be the end of your life (probably not)? Ask yourself how permanent it would be? It’s not like you won’t able to find another shitty job you hate right?
Third, ask yourself what the benefits of a more probable scenario are? What are the definite positive outcomes (including for your self-esteem, mental and physical health etc)
Forth, ask yourself what the cost will be if you do nothing? What will it cost you financially, emotionally & physically if you postpone that difficult choice? This is such a great question because if you zoom out ten years and you know you’ll still be miserable then you’ll see that the cost of inaction is often far greater.
Finally, ask yourself what you’re so afraid of?
5. Understand That Any Dream Is Always Served As Part Of A Shit Sandwich
Overtime, if you’re prepared to put yourself out there, I do believe you can narrow down your purpose to one that feels like it was meant for you, but even then you need to keep your expectations in check.
You need to realise that “the dream” is always served as part of a shit sandwich. That’s always the deal.
In fact life is a series of shit sandwiches served one after the other. It’s our willingness (or unwillingness) to eat those shit sandwiches that makes us who we are.
To take my profession as an example.
Constantly flying through the night puts our bodies through the wringer. The environment is also highly stressful (especially during a global pandemic). Every six month we have the proverbial kitchen sink thrown at us in the simulator. Fail that and our licence is invalidated. We also have random spot checks, recency requirements, annual line checks, medicals… the list goes on.
Of course I get to hand fly a commercial jet worth millions of dollars. I get to travel the world – both on the job and during my spare time. And I do have lots of time off to pursue other interests (especially now).
Of course it’s important to be grateful for these things however, being a pilot is still very much served as part of a shit sandwich. Make no mistake about it. This “dream” is one almighty struggle to maintain.
It is a dream who have to really really really want.
6. Focus On Today First
Let me finish with this final thought.
Something that’s more important than finding your life’s purpose is making sure you have one today. Even if that’s to hold your children as if for the last time, or telling your wife how much you love her. Or farting and laughing about it.
Ask yourself what you can do today to make the world a better place? Ask yourself what you’d do if this were your last on earth?
Because often that’s all we need to do.
Stop zooming the lens way out all the time and zoom it right in instead. To the point where your purpose is to simply express gratitude for the fact that you’re breathing. Because that really is our ultimate purpose in life, loving our life as it stands, right now, in this moment.
Lest we miss it altogether.
Thanks for reading Ladies and Gentleman. I hope you find some of this terrible life advice of use. Let us know if you have any thoughts. As always I welcome ALL opinions on this blog. Love to all X
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to Mindset Mondays! The only weekly post to prepare for the best and hope for the worst…
Following a 4-3-2-1 approach, it contains 4 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 3 quotes from others (that you should read), and 2 things I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that have helped me grow.
As always I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Let’s begin!
(As a way to give credit and to say thank you, I’ve linked back to any posts that have inspired my thoughts. I’ve linked back to any quotes I’ve found as well.)
4 x Thoughts:
1) Contacting a friend a day keeps the demons at bay.
2) I have two cycles for you. The first I like to call the Positive Cycle Of Hope. It looks like this: Hope inspires action that creates positive results that generates more hope (repeat). The second I like to call the Negative Cycle Of Hopelessness. It looks like this: Hope coupled with an inability (or unwillingness) to take action creates (99% of the time) negative results that generates feelings of despair and hopelessness (circle back to point 2 and repeat). The point I want to make? Hope must be tied to action otherwise it’s dangerous.
3) Hope is a double edged sword that cuts just as deeply the other way. Although it rewards you when expectations are met it punishes you when they’re not. Of course it’s that suffering that drives you to take action and put things right. However this is a terrible situation to be in if you can’t. (That’s worth repeating). The point I want to make? Be very careful what you hope for in life.
4) What hand the universe deals you – whether or not you have an easy life – is not something you can control. However building the strength to deal with adversity when it happens is something you can. For that reason it’s important toprepare for the worst in life. It’s equally important to believe in your capacity to deal with the worst when it happens. However I disagree with idea that one should “hope for the best.” If you hope for the best it’ll crush you when that doesn’t happen (or worse, when it gets taken away). Prepare for the worst – yes. But don’t “live in hope.” If you don’t have to hope for anything better, I suggest you live in acceptance for what is. Practise gratitude for what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t. It’s worth reiterating that hope, although it may save you, will never be what gives you peace.
3 x Quotes:
“Do not pray for an easy life; pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.”
– Bruce Lee
“Limiting one’s desires actually helps to cure one of fear. ‘Cease to hope … and you will cease to fear.’ … Widely different [as fear and hope] are, the two of them march in unison like a prisoner and the escort he is handcuffed to. Fear keeps pace with hope … both belong to a mind in suspense, to a mind in a state of anxiety through looking into the future. Both are mainly due to projecting our thoughts far ahead of us instead of adapting ourselves to the present.”
1) This happiness lad podcast:Dump Your Inner Drill Sergeantwith Dr Laurie Santos. In this episode, ‘Dr Laurie Santos examines why being a nasty drill sergeant to ourselves is less effective than being a kind coach; and hears from researcher and author Kristin Neff about why developing self-compassion is vital to helping us achieve our new year goals.’ Notes below:
Criticising bad behaviour in the past isn’t bad. It fact it’s healthy. But telling yourself you’re a bad person for making a mistake – this is where problems start. You activate the flight fight or freeze response. Except you see yourself as the threat. This serves to protect you by shutting you down. This inhibits your ability to make productive change.
We need to critique ourselves but forgive ourselves. We need to look at what went wrong logically. Think about when a child makes a mistake. How you treat them and try to help and get them to learn. We need to do that for ourselves.
Self compassion is linked to higher grit, better relationships, more exercise, better sex… It’s so much better than beating yourself up. It’s not the weak thing to do. It’s the strong thing to do.
There are good ways and bad ways to build self esteem. Telling kids to compare themselves to others. To think they are above average. – This will cause them to always compare themselves. Self esteem then becomes contingent on success. If they fail it deserts them.
Self compassion isn’t dependant on success or failure. We need it when we fail. It’s not denying mistakes but accepting them. Acknowledging that you’re human.
Self compassion is about accepting ourselves. Paradoxically we are then more able to make positive change as a result.
Mindfulness is the foundation of self compassion. You allow yourself to feel what you are without judgement.
The more you can give yourself love and compassion the more you can give others the same. Being Self compassionate is not selfish! The more compassion that flows inward the more it flows outward.
3 components of self compassion. 1. Mindfulness. Becoming aware. Validating our pain. 2. Remembering we aren’t alone. Everyone makes mistake. 3. Actively give yourself kindness.
2) This BBC article: Why You’re More Creative In Coffee Shops. I’ve always felt like I do my best work when I take the time to leave the house and go to a cafe. This research shows why.
“It’s analogous to going to the gym for a workout,” says Sunkee Lee, assistant professor of organisational theory and strategy at Carnegie Mellon University’s Tepper School of Business in Pennsylvania. “One of the biggest things about coffee shops is the social-facilitation effect: you go there, you see other people working and it puts you in a mood where you just naturally start working as well. Just observing them can motivate you to work harder.”
1 x Joke:
My son has started making a den behind the curtains in his room at night time.
The other night he asked me to join him inside.
While looking up at the stars he asked, “Daddy, where is the moon?”
I replied, “I think it’s hiding behind the clouds sweetheart. But I’m sure if we listen very carefully we can hear it.”
(Silence)
“Do you hear it?” I said. “Listen, Listen, shhhhhhhh…”
(Silence)
At this point I blew a huge raspberry.
My son laughed hysterically, “haha the moon fart fart!”
I smiled while replying, “Yes it did. The question is, which moon?”
And with that we quickly exited the den…
Thanks ladies and gentlemen. I’m here all week! I sincerely hope you all have a great week ahead. As always I welcome ALL thoughts and opinions on this blog. Please let us know below.
One bonus question to finish:
What is worrying you most today? What can you do about it? What can’t you do about it?
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to Mindset Mondays! The only weekly post that prefers totalitarianism to freedom…
Following a 4-3-2-1 approach, it contains 4 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 3 quotes from others (that you should read), and 2 things I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that have helped me grow.
As always I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Let’s begin!
(As a way to give credit and to say thank you, I’ve linked back to any posts that have inspired my thoughts. I’ve linked back to any quotes I’ve found as well.)
4 x Thoughts:
1) Moving an inch forward will prevent you from falling a mile backward.
3) Slow down and take lots of mini breaks throughout your day. I mean lots. Every time you feel stressed or scattered. Look up from your screens and take a break. Start with several slow deep breathes and then go chat with a co-worker or grab a cuppa. If you’re really struggling, move away from your office and go for a walk outside or hit the gym. Not only will this bring you a greater sense of well being, it will give you much greater mental clarity. This in turn will actually make you more productive, not less. It will also mean you actually enjoy being productive. If it helps, don’t think of rest as a reward to be had at the end of a busy day. Think of it as a tool you can use throughout the day to keep you focused, motivated and ready to rock the fucking world.
1) This Intelligence square podcast: The Art Of Rest with Claudia Hammond and Helen Czerski. – “In this podcast Claudia Hammond explains that rest is not just a matter of doing nothing – it is a vital part of self-care. Her book, The Art of Rest, draws on ground-breaking research she uncovered through ‘The Rest Test’, the largest global survey into rest ever undertaken, which was completed by 18,000 people across 135 different countries. Much has been written on the value of sleep in recent years, but rest is different; it is how we unwind, calm our minds and recharge our bodies. And, as the survey revealed, how much rest you get is directly linked to your sense of well-being.”
2) This BBC article:The four keys that could unlock procrastination by David Robson. This article explores the reasons behind why we procrastinate using something called Temporal Motivation Theory. It goes onto outline four simple “reflection points” that we can use. To quote, “Ask yourself these questions on a regular basis, and you’ll find it far easier to resist tempting distractions, allowing you to focus on the things that really matter in your life.” For anyone who struggles with procrastination this article is worth your time. I’ve noted the four questions below:
How would someone successful complete the goal?
How would you feel if you don’t do the required task?
What is the next immediate step you need to do?
If you could do one thing to achieve the goal on time, what would it be?
1 x Joke:
So I officially became a father of two this week! (Thank you all very much.)
The question our family asked repeatedly was whether or not we were planning to have a third?
“A turd?” I replied.
“But we’ve already done a number 2!”
(I’m sorry)
Thanks ladies and gentlemen. I’m here all week! I sincerely hope all of you have felt as much love this week as I have! As always I welcome ALL thoughts and opinions on this blog. Please let us know below.
Don’t try to get as much out of life as you possibly can.
This kind of thinking fucks you up.
Like trying to be the best person you possibly can.
Don’t do that either.
Why?
Because both are impossible goals that you’ll never achieve.
Also think about this.
When you get up and attack the day with as much gusto as you possible can. When you run around at a million miles an hour trying to do do do.
Ask yourself, “How much of the day am I actually enjoying?”
I’m guessing not as much as the days in which you deliberately slow down and observe. The ones in which you look and appreciate – in which you laugh, play and let go a little (or a lot).
Here’s something else you haven’t thought of.
In your pursuit to be endlessly productive – to make up for your feelings of being unworthy, you haven’t allowed yourself any time to rest.
And no I’m talking about sleep (at least not exclusively). What I’m really talking about has to do with activities that make you feel recharged.
This can be many things – exercise or having a long bath. Meditating or going for a mindful walk in nature. Reading a book or having for a w***. It’s different for everyone! Even staring out the window for 5 minutes can do wonders.
So what’s today’s top tip you ask?
Simple.
Slow down and take lots of mini breaks throughout your day. I mean lots. Every time you feel stressed or scattered. Look up from your screens and take a break. Start with several slow deep breathes. Then go chat with a co-worker or grab a cuppa. And if you’re really struggling, move away from your office and go for a walk outside or hit the gym.
Really.
Not only will this bring you a greater sense of well being, it will give you much greater mental clarity. This in turn will actually make you more productive, not less. It will also mean you actually enjoy being productive.
If it helps, don’t think of rest as a reward to be had at the end of a busy day. Think of it as a tool you can use throughout the day to keep you focused, motivated and ready to rock the fucking world.
Clear Air Turbulence 