“The harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed. Proficiency and results come only to those who have learned the paradoxical art of doing and not doing, or combining relaxation with activity.” – Aldous Huxley “From birth, man carries the weight of gravity on his shoulders. He is … Read more Stalling: Why Letting Go is the Key to Regaining Lift
I have a love-hate relationship with thinking. Sometimes, I get in these kinds of flow states where I follow my train of thought – connecting the dots along the way – to an exciting, unexpected destination. When I follow my thoughts in this way, I find it euphoric. I often derive my best writing doing … Read more Stuck in the Clouds: An Aviator’s Guide to Pointless Overthinking
The seeds of doubt were planted at a young age. I can’t tell you exactly when, but I know it started in childhood. I was lead to believe I wasn’t capable, that I would struggle in this life. In particular, concerns surrounded my abilities in English. At first, my parents worried that I had a … Read more Why I Write
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Howard Thurman (Source: The Living Wisdom of Howard Thurman: A Visionary for Our Time) I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, ‘what do you mean the ONLY … Read more The Only Thing The World Needs From You
There’s a type of tree that’s planted all over Singapore. It’s known as the rain tree because of its iconic umbrella shape.
Not only is it incredibly striking to look at, the sprawling canopy provides the perfect respite from the oppressive heat we experience here year-round.
It’s planted extensively throughout Singapore for this reason.
It has fast become one of my favourite trees. Not just because of the shade it provides or how beautiful it is to look at, but for the symbolic meaning it’s come to represent during this time of our lives.
Of course it’s not just Singapore, but many things. Our savings, for example, has given us the safety net we needed to take the risk we did.
Then there are our family and friends who have been nothing but supportive. Who have come to visit and help us move. Who have made us feel so welcome.
They, too, have acted as cover.
While we are incredibly fortunate to have the cover we do, it’s worth recognising that this canopy hasn’t grown overnight. It exists, in no small part, because of the time we have taken to nurture our roots over the years.
Of course, it’s our roots that we need to pay attention to.
The mistake we make while looking up at the canopy above us – at the places we want to go and the things we want to achieve – is we forget to water the very ground we’re standing on. But, of course, that’s how we get there.
That’s how we really grow tall and flourish.
But nurturing our roots serves a much more important function than simply feeding us the fruits we want to eat. They also provide us with the stability we need when life’s inevitable storms hit home.
It’s our roots that prevent us from getting swept away.
It’s my wife – more than anyone or anything else – that has provided that stability for me following my own diversion from aviation.
Without her taking over the mantle of breadwinner, I wouldn’t be able to take the time to do what I am. To nurture my health and well-being – to regain the lift I need to climb skyward again.
Towards a new and exciting destination.
Let me say, to my wife – who I know will read this – just how much I love and adore you, just how grateful I am for everything you are and do. For your incredible patience and understanding – for your loving, kind-hearted nature.
You’re not just the best life partner to me, but the best mother to our two ridiculous boys. We are truly blessed to have you.
I want to wish you a very happy Mother’s Day this Sunday.
Let me finish by extending that gratitude to all mothers everywhere (including – especially – my own extraordinary mother). Thank you for providing us with the cover we need to weather life’s storms.
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to 3-2-1 Flying Fridays! The only weekly post that never gives up – even when all hope is lost!
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good!
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) We’re taught to do things to please our parents for survival. When we eventually grow up we realise we don’t have to do things to please others anymore. Only what we know is right in our hearts. Often that means saving yourself because we’re the only ones that can.
2) It’s important to maintain both a sense of control and a sense of change in our lives. Too much predictability the more meaningless our existence begins to feel. But too much change can throw us into chaos. We start to feel out of control. We need to pursue meaningful but manageable change over time. To do that we need to imagine the person we want to become and then take baby steps through steady, controlled self-discipline.
3) When a pilot flies an aeroplane the last thing they aim at is the obstacle they don’t want to hit. If a plane is on fire the pilots only have one goal: The nearest piece of tarmac. They will think of nothing else. They sure as hell won’t give up, even if the odds are truly stacked against them. How could they? Why would they? And why would you?
2 x Quotes:
“My conclusion as a clinical psychologist has been that as paralyzing and terrible as our propensity for negative emotion is, and as grounded in reality as that propensity might be, it’s more the case that our ability to overcome it is actually stronger than it’s grip on us.”
— Dr. Jordan B. Peterson
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.”
— Charles Darwin
1 x Joke:
It’s been raining a lot here recently. When we went outside yesterday I asked my wife is she wanted to hear a joke about umbrellas.
She said, “No, it’ll probably go straight over my head.”
Extraversion breaks down into the following two fundamental aspects: assertiveness and enthusiasm.
Those high in assertiveness are the take-charge types. The so-called natural-born leaders. The game-changing alphas. (A valuable trait for a pilot, I might add.)
Those high in enthusiasm are talkative and charismatic. They’re the life of the party. The ones who make friends with enviable ease. (Don’t you just love to hate them?)
What drives extroversion is one’s propensity toward feeling positive emotions. In that sense it’s great to be an extrovert. It feels good to feel good.
And it does feel good to take charge. It does feel good to be enthusiastic about stuff. It does feel good to have lots of friends and sex. (So I’m told.)
I am not extroverted by nature, but I try my utmost to wear that hat when I enter the cockpit of an aeroplane. That feeling when you take the autopilot out and really back yourself. There’s nothing like it. (If only I backed myself!)
And this is a good question to ask: how much should we value the present? After all, we may get hit by a bus tomorrow. Or we might live till we’re 101. We simply don’t know.
At any rate, this is an excellent way to think about those who score high in extraversion: Capitalising on the present moment to the maximum extent possible, even if that means sacrificing the future.
To give you an example, I have a friend (Who’d have guessed it!) who is very extraverted. He is well-liked and has many friends as a result. But he is fairly impulsive.
He lost his job once. To clear his head he decided to go on a skiing holiday. Fair enough, you say, but then he went on another skiing holiday just a few weeks later!
Ok, you say, so maybe he can afford it? Perhaps he has a plan? Maybe he has saved well for such an event? (He hadn’t.) So you give him the benefit of the doubt.
But then – I kid you not – as soon as he got back he jumped on another aeroplane and went on another skiing holiday! Of course, it was ski season, and he had many “friends” egging him on.
So he went on three separate skiing holidays within two months of losing his job. Naturally, he rinsed through his savings which put him in a spot of bother.
This is why it pays to be mindful of your nature. Extroversion may feel good, but there are times when one should reign it in. Sometimes you should feel bad.
The optimal state of being is not to feel good all the time but to feel appropriately good or bad given your current circumstances.
If you feel good all the time, you’re more likely to take risks that you shouldn’t.(There’s a reason you’re given free alcohol at casinos.)
What’s important to stress is that lower neuroticism correlates most heavily with greater subjective well-being, not extraversion. There’s an essential difference between not being happy and feeling bad.
What I’m trying to say is that introverts are wired differently. So the things that make an introvert content and the strengths they bring to the table are different.
A good question to ask yourself is this: should I try to be more extroverted, or should I play to my introverted strengths?
Of course, it depends.
Introverts are more reserved by nature. They aren’t particularly excitable. They like to wait till all the cards have been dealt before placing any bets. They tend to be better listeners, more thoughtful, and more observant.
They get a lot more from spending time in nature and partaking in reflective activities. They love to sit quietly and read a good book with a nice warm cuppa joe. They value close intimate relationships as opposed to having lots of them.
Working by their lonesome doesn’t bother them so much. On the other hand, they might find a job that requires working with lots of people exhausting. An introvert probably shouldn’t marry an extrovert either. (Just imagine the horror!)
I would also argue that introverts should consciously work on their social skills. They should say yes to drinks on a Friday night every now and then. They should try striking up a conversation with a stranger. They should put their hand up and lend their thoughts.
People actually talk more when they’re happy. Like many things, it works in reverse. Opening up and talking to others will make you happier. It will increase confidence and decrease anxiety.
At the end of the day, we are social creatures living in a social world. This is where extroverts win big. Some of the best human rewards are social in nature.
As the saying goes, it’s not what you know, but who.
This is the major downside to being introverted: missed connections. Constantly putting off a good time for the sake of the future.
But the future isn’t a given. Sometimes a bird in the hand really is worth more than two in the bush.
Just ask my friend, he’ll tell you about this crazy time when he went on three skiing holidays within two months of losing his job.
You really can’t fault the guy for living… can you?
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 something special (maybe).
As a bonus I’ve finished with one joke that’s so bad, it’s good!
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1)The ability to entertain (and thus love) yourself is a skill developed through boredom.
2) If only have time for one thing today, meditate. If you have time for two, meditate and then exercise. If you have time for three, add quality time with those you love. Look after yourself first and foremost, then your innermost circle. Expand outward from there.
3)A gratitude journalling hack: Instead of writing down what is clear and obvious, think of the things you’re not grateful for. Think of the things, relationships, circumstances, etc. that you find trying. Then think of a good reason to be grateful for them. For example, I might say I’m grateful for what this pandemic has taught me about resilience. I’m grateful for the clarity it has given me about what I want for both myself and my family. We suffer when we feel our pain holds no meaning. The moment you derive a clear meaning from your pain, you cease to suffer.
2 x Quotes:
“Tell me, and I forget, teach me, and I may remember, involve me, and I learn.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to the Flying Fridays newsletter! The only weekly newsletter that tells you to stop playing so it can win…
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 something special (maybe).
As a bonus I’ve finished with one joke that’s so bad, it’s good!
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) Before you play a game, there’s an important question you should ask yourself. That’s why you’re playing the game that you are, because the reason you’re playing – your why – has got to be bigger than winning. Success alone isn’t enough. Winning isn’t enough. Why do you want more followers on Twitter, or Instagram, or WordPress? Why do you want to become a published author? Why do you want to get that promotion? What is the reason for playing the game that you are?
2) No child plays to win. A child plays because it wants to play. That’s because playing is an expression of joy. Playing is an expression of freedom. Playing, in its purest form, is an expression of love. The reason for playing at anything is for the love of that thing.
3)If you want more than what you already have, you’re poor. If you believe you have more than enough, you’re rich. This is true regardless of how much stuff you actually have.
2 x Quotes:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
― Theodore Roosevelt
“[A] low state of consciousness occurs when “we believe we are separate from everything else, alone and vulnerable.” If the world is all about you and your political preferences, injustices, fears, wants, and attention-seeking, then you’re putting yourself in a low state of consciousness. You’re taking every little thing too damn seriously and not zooming out to see the big picture: you are just like them, there is no enemy, people change, you’re not here for long, and your opinion isn’t right or wrong (it just is).”
– Consciousness expert Vishen Lakhiani
1 x Thing:
This Psychology Today article: Seeing Is Believing: The Power of Visualization by resilience coach A.J. Adams. Using a number of example A.J. Adams demonstrates just how powerful the practise of visualisation can be for achieving your goals/improving performance. Her advice below:
“Begin by establishing a highly specific goal. Imagine the future; you have already achieved your goal. Hold a mental “picture” of it as if it were occurring to you right at that moment. Imagine the scene in as much detail as possible. Engage as many of the five senses as you can in your visualization. Who are you with? Which emotions are you feeling right now? What are you wearing? Is there a smell in the air? What do you hear? What is your environment? Sit with a straight spine when you do this. Practice at night or in the morning (just before/after sleep). Eliminate any doubts, if they come to you. Repeat this practice often. Combine with meditation or an affirmation (e.g. “I am courageous; I am strong.”)
– A.J. Adams.
1 x Joke:
My wife mentioned that there was a lunar eclipse this evening.
Let me ask you a question. When you play a game, when you embark on a project, when you go to work, when you get up in the morning, when you sit down to write, when you make a presentation, when you have to do anything,
Are you playing to win or to avoid losing?
If you’re wondering what the difference is, when you play to win you’re focused on it. When you play to win, you back yourself to achieve, you back yourself to perform, you back yourself to get shit done.
When you’re playing to avoid losing, on the other hand, well, you’re not really playing. You’re simply trying to avoid making mistakes. Your focus is on the negative outcome. As a result, you’re always on guard for fear of failure or embarrassment.
When I didn’t really want to be at work – when I had to fly through the night or with a Captain I didn’t get along with, I fretted. Not only did this spoil the game, it affected my performance. Even if I did make it through unscathed, the feeling wasn’t one of confidence but relief.
The truth was, on those occasions, I wasn’t in it to win it. I was merely trying to avoid failure for fear of being found out.
Conversely, when I did show up to work with a willing attitude. When I backed myself to do well in a sim or pull off a landing in tricky conditions, it was rarely as bad a day at the office. Not only would I perform better and gain more confidence as a result, if I did make a mistake I was able to look at it objectively.
Instead of viewing them as confirmation that I wasn’t capable, I was able to take the lessons onboard. That same attitude then gave me the impetuous to get back on the horse and have another go.
The question is, how do we adopt such an attitude consistently? How do we take a performance approach to work and life every time we show up to play?
For Adopting a Winning Mindset
One technique that’s used by many top athletes is visualisation.Psychology Today notes that mental practices “enhance motivation, increase confidence and self-efficacy, improve motor performance, prime your brain for success, and increase states of flow.”
The idea is you mentally rehearse the performance ahead of time. Not only that, you visualise the future after you’ve achieved your goal. You picture it in vivid detail. Imagine the scene – the time and place, the people you’re with, how it feels, etc. The more detailed the meditation, the better. It helps to combine it with a positive affirmation.
But before you do that, there’s an important question you should ask yourself. Especially if you find yourself repeatedly playing to avoid losing. That’s why you’re playing the game that you are, because the reason you’re playing – your why – has got to be bigger than winning.
Success alone isn’t enough. Winning isn’t enough. Why do you want more followers on Twitter, or Instagram, or WordPress? Why do you want to become a published author? Why do you want to get that promotion? Why do you want to be a captain, or a lawyer, or a doctor?
What is the reason for playing the game that you are?
It’s worth stating that no child plays to win. A child plays because it wants to play. That’s because playing is an expression of joy. Playing is an expression of freedom. Playing, in its purest form, is an expression of love.
The reason for playing at anything is for the love of that thing.
You play to play. Similarly, you write to write. You don’t write to become a published author or get thousands of followers. You don’t write to win. You write because you love the craft. You fly aeroplanes because getting airborne gives you a rush that few other things can.
One of the problems we have in today’s results-obsessed culture is that we forget those reasons for playing in the first place. That desire to win, to be successful, to say we have achieved this, that or what-the-fuck ever (by the way, no-one else cares except you) takes over. We end up thinking that winning is the point.
This blinds us.
If you’re not careful, ambition has a way of sucking the life out of everything in its wake. It has a way of sucking the fun out of play too. Which misses the point completely.
Winston Churchill once said, “Success is going from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” That’s the point right there. To keep your spirit, to keep your love for the game going no matter how many times you get knocked down. So you get back up, over and over again.
If you play enough times in this life, you will win eventually. The most important thing is to make sure that you’re playing the game you want to play when you do.
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to the Flying Fridays newsletter! The only weekly newsletter that laughs when you fall over before helping you back up…
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 something special (maybe).
As a bonus I’ve finished with one joke that’s so bad, it’s good!
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1)Treat your emotions like you would a child. They’re equally irrational. It’s non judgemental compassion that gets them on side. Getting angry at a child who is throwing a tantrum doesn’t work. So it is with you.
2) The belief that something is wrong with us is central to the issue of feeling bad about feeling bad because that belief brings up more negative emotions (go figure), which we then see as confirmation that something is wrong with us.
3)Attempts to control negative thoughts and emotions makes them worse. Better to concentrate on forming desirable habits instead. Mood follows action.
2 x Quotes:
“For the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts and that the world is not so ill with you and me as it might have been is half owing to those who lived faithfully a hidden life and rest in unvisited tombs.”
― George Eliot, MiddleMarch
“Most people die at 25… we just don’t bury them until they are 70.”
—Benjamin Franklin
1 x Thing:
This excerpt from The Practice of Groundedness by Brad Stulberg on perception of vulnerability:
Researchers at the University of Mannheim, in Germany, conducted a series of seven experiments in which they had adult participants share information about themselves with one another at varying levels of vulnerability. They repeatedly found that the individual doing the sharing felt that their vulnerability would be perceived as weak, as a negative. But the person on the other end of the conversation, the listener, felt the exact opposite: the more vulnerable the sharer was, the more courageous they perceived him or her to be. The listener viewed vulnerability as an unambiguously positive trait. “Confessing romantic feelings, asking for help, or taking responsibility for a mistake constitute just a few examples of situations that require showing one’s vulnerability,” write the researchers from the University of Mannheim. “Out of fear, many individuals decide against it.” But this, the researchers conclude, is a mistake. “Even when examples of showing vulnerability might sometimes feel more like weakness from the inside, our findings indicate that, to others, these acts might look more like courage from the outside. Given the positive consequences [increased trust and connection, improved learning from others, and forgiveness after making a mistake] of showing vulnerability for relationship quality, health, or job performance, it might, indeed, be beneficial to try to overcome one’s fears and to choose to see the beauty in the mess of vulnerable situations.” The University of Mannheim researchers aptly coined their finding “the beautiful mess effect.”
– Brad Stulberg
1 x Joke:
What did the left eyebrow say to the right eyebrow?
“Procastination isn’t caused by laziness. We don’t postpone tasks to avoid work. We do it to avoid negative emotions that a task stirs up – like anxiety, frustration, confusion, and boredom.”
Do you know that feeling, after you’ve written out your to-do list, despite how it’s suppose to make you feel, when all you want to-do is crawl under a rock and die?
You know, when a slow and painful death seems preferable to confronting the mountain of tedious work you feel you have to-do?
And so you slowly put down your to-do list, walk over to the couch, gently sit down, carefully pick up the remote control and turn on NETFLIX. Which you then proceed to binge watch for several hours…
A bit like a psychopath who completely disconnects from all his or her responsibilities and emotions?
I’m sure you do.
Anyway this got me thinking.
Why exactly does writing out our responsibilities on paper cause some us to run away from them faster than a teenage boy climaxes?
After all we know this kind of behaviour doesn’t help us, yet we can’t help ourselves. Sometimes all we want is to tell life to go fuck itself and so we do, even if that means fucking ourselves in the process.
The real question, of course, is how can we stop our to-do lists from making us feel like shit and help us get shit done instead?
Well fear not my fine readers for I’ve complied 5 simple tricks – as partially backed by science – to help you not only write a to-do list that doesn’t make you want to tell life to go fuck itself, but carry it out as well!
…
You’re very welcome!
1 – Do the thing that scares you the most first.
“The task you’re avoiding isn’t always the one you hate. Sometimes it’s the one you fear. The one that’s most worth pursuing.”
The science shows that making a plan to complete a task provides the same mental relief as completing the task itself.
Which is exactly the point. Writing a to-do list is suppose to make you feel better so you can actually get started with something.
It’s suppose to get you in the mood… (Yeah baby!)
The problem for me, and I suspect countless others, was never a matter of productivity, but what it was I actually chose to accomplish during the day. I now realise I used my to-do list as a way to constantly defer the shit I was most afraid of.
I’m not talking about homework assignments here of course. I mean things like confronting my depression by asking for professional help or having certain difficult conversations with certain family members about shit I really don’t want to talk about…
Yeah, you know, the shit you really need to be doing first!
It was pointed out to me, in Adam Grant‘s excellent worklife podcast episode – ‘the real reason you procrastinate,’ that it wasn’t the tasks I was avoiding but the emotions I’d attached to said tasks.
The problem with ignoring these tasks is you inadvertently give those emotions (the thing that you’re actually afraid of confronting) greater hold over you. Thus the longer you leave said tasks undone the harder they become to-do.
Unfortunately there’s only one solution.
However scary they are, the tasks that you fear the most are exactly the ones you should be pursuing first. Not tidy the apartment!
Why?
Well it’s a classic Catch 22. By doing the very tasks you’re afraid of, you’re helping to confront and resolve those emotions that caused you to avoid those tasks in the first place.
If you don’t want to live with those emotions any longer, then you have to stop avoiding them. You have to rip the bandaid off. If you don’t it’s only gonna hurt more later on. Believe me!
Of course I realise this might not be what you want to hear so I thought I’d offer a few more tips that can help you do what’s necessary by putting things into perspective.
2 – Ask yourself, “What would I do if today were my last on earth?“
It’s important to be very clear about what your most important tasks are on any given day. Often we’re not. A great way to do this – something I do every morning as part of my journalling routine – is to ask yourself the following question:“What would I do if this were my last day on earth?”
I’m guessing your to-do list would look markedly different.
Things like telling your family how much you love them. Apologising for any major wrong doings or forgiving those that wronged you would also probably appear. Remaining as present as you possibly can be. Paying attention to every waking moment for the truly precious moment that it is! Sitting with and observing any difficult emotions. Allowing those emotions to come out (instead of watching NETFLIX). Taking a walk outside to feel the elements – wind, rain, hail or shine! Simply being…
You get the point.
Of course you shouldn’t take this question too seriously otherwise you’ll probably bin your to-do list altogether and tell your boss to-go fuck himself. Perhaps not in the best interest of your future self…
Still, this is a great question because it helps align your to-do list with the values you hold closest. It helps to prioritise the things that you really should.It also puts thing into perspective.
The truth is you don’t have to-do anything. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment and self-loathing by thinking so. You don’t have to-do anything if you don’t want to.
You get to do those things.
Which brings me to my next trick for reframing your to-do list. That is…
3 – Write a GET to-do list instead
Put that at the top in big bold capital letters: GET to-do.
Not only does this set yourself up to be more grateful for what you feel you might have to-do, it also helps to take the pressure off.
You get to do it, you don’t have to do it.
Keep reminding yourself of this important fact.
I’d add another small tip.
Write out 3 things you’re grateful for today before you write out your get to-do list. I could show you some science that shows just how beneficial having a gratitude practise is, but I don’t want to bore you.
You know all this.
The point to label is YOU GET TO-DO THESE THIHGS. One day you’ll be dead and you won’t get to.
It helps to keep that in mind.
4 – Keep it modest and specific.
How much do you really need to-do today?
So many of us put everything down we’d like to complete and then burn out after realising we’ll never be able to achieve all those things.
You’ve got make it manageable.
Don’t say I’ll write one blog post or go for a 10km run or finish reading that book. Say I’ll write one paragraph, jog for five minutes and read one chapter.
Simply taking a step in the right direction is enough.
So what if you didn’t quite get everything you wanted to-do done?
The most important thing is that you enjoyed it. You’re never going to enjoy it if you’re always racing towards the finish line.
And if you really don’t manage to complete much, if anything, of what you intended, then please refer to point number 5.
5 – Show yourself show compassion.
‘You can change some of those emotions by showing yourself compassion.We procrastinate less when we remind ourselves that it’s part of the human condition. We’re not the only one suffering from it.’
A tough one to finish I know. The truth is I’m awful at being kind to myself.
This is why, every morning as part of my meditation routine before I do anything else, I practise a loving kindness meditation for everybody including myself.
After all it can’t be called universal compassion if it doesn’t include yourself.
It’s important to remember we’re all fallible humans at the end of the day. Things like confronting our demons aren’t easy. It takes time to find the courage.
Go easy on yourself if you don’t do that scary task.
Who honestly get’s everything they mean to-do in a day? Really? I certainly don’t.
That said, I tell my wife I love her every night before bed without fail. I make sure I spend a couple of quality hours with my boys – laughing and playing with them every afternoon before dinner. I meditate every single morning and take every opportunity to practise mindfulness whenever I can. I always go for a walk outside as a way to remind myself that I’m alive and how fucking amazing that is!
Quite frankly the rest can fucked. Occasionally it does!
The older I get the more willing I am to say, so the fuck what? Tomorrow’s another day right? If you fall off the horse today, simply get back on it tomorrow. Falling down is inevitable. Getting back up is what matters.
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to Mindset Mondays! The only weekly post that posts every other week…
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 thing I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that has helped me grow.
As a bonus I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) Life is meaningless by design. It’s a blank canvas that you’re suppose paint meaning onto. Keep doing that and you might just create a masterpiece.
2) An idea for reviewing goals: Everyday, review your weekly goals. Every week, review your monthly goals. Every month, review your 1 year goals. Every year, review your 5 year goals. Repeat.
3) Don’t worry about success or fame or “making it.” The moment you do, you fail to see what success really is. I find it works the same way as happiness. The more you try to chase it, the less likely you are to find it. Live by your principles first and foremost. Concentrate on being a better person and serving a greater cause. Do that and you might just find some of this stuff people call “success.”
“When people prattle on about needing to find their “purpose,” what they really mean is that it’s no longer clear what feels important. The question of purpose is really just a question of values.”
If you have the time this podcast is well worth a listen. I found Huberman’s knowledge about using your vision to reduce stress to be particular insightful. There’s a good reason why looking out at a vista feels calming.
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 thing I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that has helped me grow.
As a bonus I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) Your future dreams don’t negate your present day responsibilities. (click to tweet)
2) There’s a big difference between trying something and experiencing it. The former is usually done from a fear of missing out. The latter is usually done with an open mind – from a place of genuine curiosity. (click to tweet)
3) Admitting you were wrong simply demonstrates you’ve grown as a person, not that there’s anything wrong with you. It’s important to keep reminding yourself that being wrong is the most ordinary thing in the world. (click to tweet)
2 x Quotes:
“The facts tell us what to do and how to do it, but it is our humanity which tells us that we must do something and why we must do it.”
– SULLY SULLENBURGER
“Flourishing depends on active participation in the real world: creating, connecting, and contributing.”
– ADAM GRANT
1 x Thing:
This hilarious Ted Talk with Tim Urban in which he discusses the issue with procrastination and why setting deadlines might be more important than you realise. Well worth a watch!
1 x Joke:
Another far side comic for you all this week – I hope you enjoy!
Thanks ladies and gentlemen, I’m here all week! As always I welcome ALL thoughts and opinions on this blog. Please let us know in the comments section below.
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to Mindset Mondays! The only weekly post that inspires you to care less…
Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 thing I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that has helped me grow.
As a bonus I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Let’s begin!
3 x Thoughts:
1) Giving a shit about everything makes you incapable of solving anything. That’s not to say your shouldn’t give a fuck, but to make sure your fucks are targeted. Then ruthlessly not give a fuck about anything else. The world will be far better off if you do this.
2)The creative process is about expressing your individuality. In order to express the truest version of yourself, you have to stop giving a fuck what anyone else thinks. The best creativity comes about spontaneously – from a place of playful freedom. That means allowing your subconscious mind to express itself through you. That’s how you unlock your creative genius.
3) While we’re on the subject of not giving a fuck, here’s why you shouldn’t give fuck about swearing, or most anything offensive that someone says: Because being offended is a choice. By being offended you give away your power. It lets your enemies know they don’t need sticks and stones to break your bones, because names will do just nicely.
2 x Quotes:
“There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.”
– Aristotle
“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you, real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self-acceptance opened.”
This Mark Manson article: How To Be More Productive By Working Less.This article explains why more isn’t necessarily better when it comes to work – and how working too much can actually produce diminishing/negative returns. If you’ve ever found yourself writing in circles to the point that you end up creating more work for yourself – this article is worth your time. Quote from the article below:
“Solving problems is to your mind as food is to your stomach. It needs a variety of stimulation and too much of one kind will cause it to get sick and tired. But what’s amazing is that leisure time—this ability to distract one’s brain away from problem-solving and work—actually makes your brain far more effective upon returning to work.”
Thanks ladies and gentlemen, I’m here all week! As always I welcome ALL thoughts and opinions on this blog. Please let us know in the comments section below.
One bonus idea: Why not write a give-a-fuck-about list detailing the things you care about most, and then use the process of elimination to cut out everything that’s not on it?
Almost every week for the past year I’ve put 3 or 4 random thoughts together in a post called Mindset Mondays. Below is a highlight reel.
Whether you just read the first few, pick some at random, or grab a cuppa and dig deep – I hope you find some value here.
If any of them resonate then please drop us a line in comments section below. Equally, if you have some gems of your own please share – I’d love to hear them.
Happy Monday all! X
You can never be perfect. You can always be better.
The moment you fix your beliefs you imprison your mind.
By not addressing our own suffering we cause it in others.
Focus has more to do with eliminating distraction than it does with effort.
If you don’t give yourself real problems to solve your mind will make some up.
A good time is worth more than any material possession.
The change the world needs from you is for you to change, not for you to change the world.
The great thing about momentum is that it builds naturally, like a boulder rolling down the hill. The difficult part is getting it to move in the first place.
Make it your mission to be an agent of calm in the midst of chaos. When the storm settles you will be well placed to pick up the pieces and put the world back together.
The beauty of a moment comes from its impermanence. The moment you cling to it, it’s destroyed.
You’re either trying to be a better person or you’re not. There is no such thing as a “good person.”
A deliberately easy life makes us unhappy because it makes us weaker. Conversely a deliberately difficult life makes us happy because it builds resilience. It also helps us appreciate the everyday things that most people take for granted.
The arguments you have in your head are pointless if you only have them with yourself. Speak up or let go.
Laughing at someone else’s expense demonstrates your own insecurities. Conversely, the ability to laugh at yourself demonstrates resilience.
What matters is that we make amends for our past in the present moment for the future world.
If you can improve your life knowing you already have enough, then future failures will hurt less and future successes will bring more joy.
If you complain you suffer twice. If you blame you deny yourself the opportunity to learn. If you give up both of those habits you’ll go far.
It’s difficult to love other people if you don’t love yourself. It’s difficult to love yourself if you don’t love other people. It works both ways.
Freedom demands we choose our responsibilities. The same way that having a life demands we protect it. If you want freedom of choice then you have to choose to take responsibility for your life. If you don’t, someone else will choose your responsibilities for you. The danger is they will use that for their own profit and power by forming a narrative you refused to take responsibility for forming yourself. In doing so they will shut your mind from your heart. The moment that happens you’ve lost your freedom.
It’s not a matter of quality over quantity. I believe that quantity produces quality amongst a sea of mediocrity. The greatest artists produce far more average work than they do masterpieces. The point is though, they produce far more work.
It’s far easier to help those who actually ask for it.
When you’ve only suffered enough to know what misery is, but not enough to know what for, then you must endure a while longer. Keep searching for the meaning and you will find your salvation.
There isn’t an inverse correlation between success and failure. The more you fail in life, the more you succeed. If you’re not failing it simply means you’re not trying as hard as you should. If you ask me, the only real failure in life is not trying. You need to put yourself in positions where you have to fail in order to succeed.
Creativity has nothing to do with being the best but expressing your individuality. This is what makes the creative process so beautiful. It’s also what makes imitation such a terrible waste of your talents. There will always be someone who can do it better, but no-one who can do it the same.
What if the only thing that is wrong with you is that you think there is something wrong with you?
Sit down every night and pat yourself on the back for the things you did well, then examine the ways in which you could have done things better. Bring both your sense of accomplishment and willingness to improve into your next day.
Competition is about pushing each other to improve. It’s about personal and collective growth. When we glorify it and make it about “winning at all costs” we turn people off. This defeats the purpose. Not only are those who compete weaker because they have less competition, those who don’t compete lose the ability to better themselves altogether. Don’t compete to win, compete to grow.
Never forget that someone built the road you drive on.
People won’t accept rocks that are hurled at them – they’ll either duck and hide, or throw them back.
Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger if that’s your attitude, otherwise it will make you weaker.
Ignorance is bliss… but only for you, for everyone else it’s miserable.
Knowledge alone isn’t enough. What you need is insight. Insight is what will set you free.
If you’re not talking to yourself as you would your own family then perhaps you’re not showing yourself the compassion you should? And if you are, perhaps you’re not being as honest with yourself as you should?
The mind is hardwired to keep you alive. It’s far more interested in your survival than achieving any sort of lasting happiness. That’s why it keeps tricking you.
Expressing gratitude is the best way to interpret reality – for the fact that we are alive is an extraordinary miracle.
The problem with regret is that it takes you away from the present moment. Yet that’s exactly where all the opportunities lie to put things right.
In a world where people are so afraid of what others think, honesty will take you far.
We’re a society that loves to say the right thing without doing it. We need be one that does the right thing, with no need to say it.
Emotion is a writer’s best friend.
When you accept yourself for who you are you’re still aware that you can become something more. You still understand the benefits of becoming. The difference is you don’t attribute a threat level response to your actions.
What follows a generation who got things wrong is one that understands why they must not make the same mistakes.
An exercise in critical thought: Write down your opinions on a subject exactly as you think them. However outlandish, just put it down on paper and argue your side. Then go about proving it wrong in every conceivable way. Do the research, find the facts and consider the opinions that contradict your argument.
Trying to create motivation is massively overrated. Trying to gain clarity is massively underrated.
If you want to go up you have to overcome gravity.
Original thought is often going ‘what if…’ and then thinking the exact opposite of what everybody else is.
The art of conversation is about making the other person feel heard.
When doing something that makes you anxious it’s important to tell yourself that you can. Not because this will ease the nerves, but because when you manage to pull off the task that you’ve been dreading, instead of feeling relief, you will gain confidence.
You don’t always get to choose your problems in life, however, you always get to choose how you interpret and respond to those problems.
Moving an inch forward prevents you falling a mile backward.
You have to stop pouring water in your glass if you want to drink from it.
Maybe we should imagine losing our loved ones in a car accident? Maybe we should take the time to imagine losing everything we hold dear? Maybe imagining the worst is exactly what brings what’s right in front of us, sharply into focus? Maybe meditating on our mortality – our own inevitable demise – is exactly what gives us freedom in the present? Maybe we will find more joy in everyday life by embracing these difficult emotions rather than chasing after a bigger pay check or slimmer waistline? What do you think?
Learn to love yourself before you start searching for your knight in shining armour. That way you won’t need them to be your knight in shining armour. That way you’ll have realistic expectations going into your next relationship and the strength to deal with it should it fall apart.
Kindness is not about avoiding conflict at all costs. Kindness is not about telling white lies so you don’t have to hurt someone else’s feeling. That’s not kindness, that’s cowardice.
Contacting a friend a day keeps the demons at bay.
I have two cycles for you. The first I like to call the Positive Cycle Of Hope. It looks like this: Hope inspires action that creates positive results that generates more hope (repeat). The second I like to call the Negative Cycle Of Hopelessness. It looks like this: Hope coupled with an inability (or unwillingness) to take action creates (99% of the time) negative results that generates feelings of despair and hopelessness (circle back to point 2 and repeat). The point I want to make? Hope must be tied to action otherwise it’s dangerous.
Be careful what you say yes to in life. Often it’s the things we acquire for security that ends up imprisoning us.
It’s funny how giving away everything for nothing in return gives you everything you want.
The two most important things are your family and today. Connect the dots.
If you only ever live in the moment, why would you rush it?
In your attempts to avoid suffering you suffer more.
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to Mindset Mondays! The only weekly post that minces its words while eating…
Following a 3-2-1 approach (this week), it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 things I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that has helped me grow.
As a bonus I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Let’s begin!
(As a way to give credit and to say thank you, I’ve linked back to any posts that have inspired my thoughts. I’ve linked back to any quotes I’ve found as well.)
2) Kindness is not avoiding conflict at all costs. Kindness is not telling white lies so you that never have to hurt someone else’s feeling. That’s not kindness, that’s cowardice.
3) When you hold the door open for someone you shouldn’t do it expecting a thank you in return. Holding the door for someone so that you receive thanks is not a selfless act. It’s selfish. You’ve just made it about validation. So you can feel like a good person. That’s the wrong reason to the hold the door open for someone. You should hold the door for someone because you believe in kindness. Because you believe in upholding those standards for no other reason than you believe it’s right thing to do. When you expect thanks in return – when you place expectations on other people (strangers in particular) – you set yourself up to feel resentful if they don’t. Worse, you end up believing you’re better than they are. This is dangerous. True acts of kindness don’t come with expectations for something in return.
“The three most difficult things for a human being are not physical feats or intellectual achievements. They are, first, returning love for hate; second, including the excluded; third, admitting that you are wrong.” But these are the easiest things in the world if you haven’t identified with the “me.”
– SJ ANTHONY DE MELLO
1 x Thing:
1) This Freakonomics Radio podcast episode:The Downside of Disgustwith Stephen Dubner. “It’s a powerful biological response that has preserved our species for millennia. But now it may be keeping us from pursuing strategies that would improve the environment, the economy, even our own health. So is it time to dial down our disgust reflex? You can help fix things — as Stephen Dubner does in this episode — by chowing down on some delicious insects.” Personal notes below.
The core of disgust evolved from a system to avoid pathogens. Something in our brains already knows not to eat poop or vomit (not the case for dogs).
The word yuck is derived from the sound of vomiting. Like a pre vomit sound (retching)
Moral and social disgust has evolved from food disgust.
Should we dial down or up our disgust (since it’s part of an ancient response system)?
One of the most effective hand washing campaigns ever used to teach people in Ghana – shows a women coming out of the toilet not washing her hands and then preparing and feeding her children food she had contaminated with her own faeces. It’s believed that eliciting disgust from viewers is a much more effective way to teach people about hand hygiene as opposed to simply relaying the science as to why it’s important.
Example of where it would be useful to dial down our disgust response for various environmental/economics political reasons? Getting people to eat more insects. There are millions who could benefit from the protein that insects provide but are nonetheless disgusted by them. This would be useful because meat is much more resource intensive.
You don’t eat insects? There are an average of eight insect fragments in a chocolate bar (this is acceptable as is a small amount) salads, tin tomatoes, peanut butter, beer, wine – yes all contain their fair share of insect fragments
Of course not many people knowingly eat insects or are willing to eat them in toto
How to get people to do so? With incentives to begin with? Then using Mirror exposure effect: the more exposure you have to something the more you like it (acquired taste). It’s proven to work.
The problem is getting over the “disgust hump” People don’t realise they will cease to be disgusted once they get used to something. It’s worth remembering that Sushi was once held with a similar position in Western society a few short decades ago. Now it’s loved by the western masses. Insects could end doing the same.
We have made big changes in what we find disgusting regarding our beliefs – eg. slavery. Could it really be so hard to make insects appealing?
1 x Joke:
So my son was running around without a nappy on the other day when he came charging toward me.
He shouted, “Daddy! Daddy! Look at my balls!”
Sure enough, when I looked down, there they were.
Hanging out for all the world to see.
Them, along with a pair of massage balls he was holding in his hands…
(You really can’t make this stuff up).
Thanks ladies and gentlemen. I’m here all week! I sincerely hope you all have a great week ahead. As always I welcome ALL thoughts and opinions on this blog. Please let us know below.
One bonus question to finish:
What boundaries can you set with your Smartphone in order to live more mindfully?
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to Mindset Mondays! The only weekly post that prefers totalitarianism to freedom…
Following a 4-3-2-1 approach, it contains 4 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 3 quotes from others (that you should read), and 2 things I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that have helped me grow.
As always I’ve finished with 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Let’s begin!
(As a way to give credit and to say thank you, I’ve linked back to any posts that have inspired my thoughts. I’ve linked back to any quotes I’ve found as well.)
4 x Thoughts:
1) Moving an inch forward will prevent you from falling a mile backward.
3) Slow down and take lots of mini breaks throughout your day. I mean lots. Every time you feel stressed or scattered. Look up from your screens and take a break. Start with several slow deep breathes and then go chat with a co-worker or grab a cuppa. If you’re really struggling, move away from your office and go for a walk outside or hit the gym. Not only will this bring you a greater sense of well being, it will give you much greater mental clarity. This in turn will actually make you more productive, not less. It will also mean you actually enjoy being productive. If it helps, don’t think of rest as a reward to be had at the end of a busy day. Think of it as a tool you can use throughout the day to keep you focused, motivated and ready to rock the fucking world.
1) This Intelligence square podcast: The Art Of Rest with Claudia Hammond and Helen Czerski. – “In this podcast Claudia Hammond explains that rest is not just a matter of doing nothing – it is a vital part of self-care. Her book, The Art of Rest, draws on ground-breaking research she uncovered through ‘The Rest Test’, the largest global survey into rest ever undertaken, which was completed by 18,000 people across 135 different countries. Much has been written on the value of sleep in recent years, but rest is different; it is how we unwind, calm our minds and recharge our bodies. And, as the survey revealed, how much rest you get is directly linked to your sense of well-being.”
2) This BBC article:The four keys that could unlock procrastination by David Robson. This article explores the reasons behind why we procrastinate using something called Temporal Motivation Theory. It goes onto outline four simple “reflection points” that we can use. To quote, “Ask yourself these questions on a regular basis, and you’ll find it far easier to resist tempting distractions, allowing you to focus on the things that really matter in your life.” For anyone who struggles with procrastination this article is worth your time. I’ve noted the four questions below:
How would someone successful complete the goal?
How would you feel if you don’t do the required task?
What is the next immediate step you need to do?
If you could do one thing to achieve the goal on time, what would it be?
1 x Joke:
So I officially became a father of two this week! (Thank you all very much.)
The question our family asked repeatedly was whether or not we were planning to have a third?
“A turd?” I replied.
“But we’ve already done a number 2!”
(I’m sorry)
Thanks ladies and gentlemen. I’m here all week! I sincerely hope all of you have felt as much love this week as I have! As always I welcome ALL thoughts and opinions on this blog. Please let us know below.
You cancelled weddings. You cancelled birthdays, festivals, celebrations of all kinds. You cancelled good times.
And I said, ok.
You took away my holidays. You prevented me from seeing my friends. You prevented me from seeing my family.
And I said, ok.
You forced me to quarantine in hotels rooms. You cost me days of my life. You sucked the joy from a job I love.
And I said, ok.
You cost me significantly. You made me take unpaid leave. You forced me to sign a contract that will permanently hinder my long term prospects. That will hurt the quality of life I can provide for my family.
And I said, ok.
You grounded aeroplanes. You brought my industry to its knees. You fired my friends. You destroyed livelihoods.
And I I said, ok.
You allowed fear to consume. You allowed evil to thrive. An evil that has placed a stranglehold on my home here in Hong Kong.
And I said, ok.
You killed millions. You hurt so many more.
And I still said, ok.
You blackened both my eyes. You broke my nose, and my arm. Then you shot me in the leg and continued to kick me while I bled out.
And still, I said, ok.
But now.
Now!
Now you permanently close down my local pub!
Shit. Just. Got. Personal.
So I stand back up. I dust myself off and I say,
“Now it’s my turn mother fucker!”
As a pilot (who likes to think of himself as Santa), I sincerely look forward to helping transport vaccines around the world in the new year.
Because let me tell you ladies and gentlemen, that mother fucker is going down.
And 2021 is going to show what the human spirit can muster with its back against the wall.
There is light. There is hope. But we must endure a little longer. We must keep fighting. We must dig that little bit deeper.
But I’ve no doubt that together we will get through this.
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and an infinitely brighter 2021!
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to my Mindset Mondays Post! The only weekly newsletter to kiss your mommy after filling up your stocking…
Following a 4-3-2-1 approach, it contains 4 thoughts from me (that you should probably ignore), 3 quotes from others (that you should definitely read), and 2 things I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that have helped me grow.
As always, I’ve finished with 1 terrible joke that’s so bad you won’t be able to help but laugh…
Let’s begin!
4 x Thoughts From Me:
Trying to create motivation is massively overrated. Trying to gain clarity is massively underrated.
We all follow the herd to some extent. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing provided that the herd subscribes to high standards. However when the herd is not above blaming others or shirking responsibility, when the heard is consumed by fear or led by evil, you need to think very carefully. Because if you want to become the change you wish to see, you have to surround yourself with the right people. You have to put yourself in the right environment. Most of us vastly underestimate the influence others have on ourselves.
The greatest joy in life comes not from receiving praise or accumulating wealth, but from giving to others. Which, of course, is a form of letting go. Ultimately it’s about letting go of the idea that you need praise or things to be happy which is BS. It’s making other people happy that makes us happy.
Honesty is often about admitting you’re wrong. It’s important to understand thought that this doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. Because being wrong is the most ordinary thing in the world. The most dangerous people in this world are the ones incapable of seeing this. The most miserable people often fall into the same boat.
“If a man can reduce his needs to zero, he is truly free: there is nothing that can be taken from him; nothing can hurt him.”— John Boyd
“Life will present you with unexpected opportunities, and you won’t always know in advance which are the important moments. Above all, it’s the quality of your relationships that will determine the quality of your life. Invest in your connections, even those that seem inconsequential.”—Esther Perel (Source: https://jamesclear.com/3-2-1/refer?rh_ref=36174ee4)
2 x Things That Helped Me Grow
1) This Best Inventions of 2020 from Time Magazine. For a bit of fun in the build up to Christmas thought I’d share this list of random inventions. As they note, “Nominations were made from editors and correspondents around the world through an online application process. They were then evaluated on key factors, including originality, creativity, effectiveness, ambition and impact. The result? 100 groundbreaking inventions—including a smarter beehive, a greener tube of toothpaste, and technology that could catalyze a COVID-19 vaccine—that are changing the way we live, work, play and think about what’s possible.”
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to my Mindset Mondays Post! The only weekly newsletter that delivers your vaccine just in time for Christmas…
Following a 4-3-2-1 approach, it contains 4 thoughts from me (that you should probably ignore), 3 quotes from others (that you should definitely read), and 2 things I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that have helped me grow.
As always, I’ve finished with 1 terrible joke that’s so bad, you won’t be able to help but laugh…
Let’s begin!
4 x Thoughts From Me:
If you want to go up, you have to overcome gravity.
Life is just like a box of chocolates. Except that some of those chocolates are actually pieces of poo. The problem is, because you don’t know which is which, if you want to enjoy the chocolates you’ve got to eat some poo as well. So yes, in that sense, life is just like a box of chocolates… and poo.
Original thought is often going ‘what if…’ and then thinking the exact opposite of what everybody else is.
The art of conversation is not about trying to convince the other person you’re right, it’s about trying to make the other person feel heard. When someone feels heard they soften their stance. This is how you begin to change minds and strengthen hearts. This is how you bring people closer together. To do that we need to forget about being right and instead, listen deeply. There is always something else going on beyond the words that are spoken.
3 x Quotes From Others:
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen R. Covey
“The largest part of what we call ‘personality’ is determined by how we’ve opted to defend ourselves against anxiety and sadness.” — Alain de Botton
“Seeing clearly the cacophony of your own inner landscape is how you are no longer owned by it.”
— Dan Harris
ON MOTTOS OR MANTRAS: It’s easy to read a great book or inspiring podcast and feel envigorated – like you’re experiencing or waking up to a profound truth but the old habits of the mind are very quick to reassert themselves. We need to find ways to continuously wake up. And remember our aspirations.
A little bit of worrying is good. A lot is bad. After you’ve run through the worst case scenario for the 17th time ask yourself one simple question – Is this useful?
MEDITATION ADVICE: 1 minute counts (Habit formation matters most). Daily ish (so you don’t completely fall off the wagon when you inevitably miss a day – be kind to yourself).
Type A people. We go into something expecting to win or achieve. The problem is expectations are the most noxious thing you can bring to meditation. The goal is not to expect feeling a certain way. The goal should simply be to feel whatever comes up to the fullest extent possible. Visibility- the close to is what you want.
Analogies: The difference between being in the storm versus watching through the window from inside your home. In the movie versus watching it on screen.
The goal is not to clear your mind but to focus it. Getting distracted does not mean you’re a failed meditator. In fact when you notice you’ve been distracted – even for a nanosecond that is meditation. Awareness of thought.
Once you see the chaos of your mind that’s the first step not to be owned by it.
Hug your dragons don’t slay them. The negative storylines served you once upon a time. Maybe in a very crucial way as defence against trauma. Instead of trying to slay them – which only makes them stronger – you should love them instead. Embrace your demons. This will allow them to clam down in your mind and give you the space to make smarter decision and allow for other more mature storylines that’s serve you better to start to flourish.
Having good relationships is so important- making sure that we do. We need the tribe. It’s part of our evolution. Be deliberate about keeping your relationships up.
2 – This Ted Talk with Leon Berg: The Power of Listening – An Ancient Practice for Our Future. In this inspiring talk Leon Berg discusses the power listening and council to help develop heart thinking and deepen relationships.
“There’s a big difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is a natural function. Listening requires attention and focus.
“Council is the practise of listening and speaking from the heart – derived from the ancient tradition of storytelling. Research shows our brains are biochemically wired for stories. Storytelling is something we should practise. It helps us move from head thinking to heart thinking.
“Listening has survival value. Devote listening is what helps develop empathy.”
– Leon Berg
1 x Silly Thing To Make You Smile:
So my wife is now 36 weeks pregnant! I believe this comic goes some way of explaining just how prepared I feel…
Thanks ladies and gentlemen. I’m here all week! Till next time… Have a Happy Monday Everybody!
P.S. Don’t forget to exercise your silly muscle this week!
One bonus question for you all:
How can you become a better listener?
(Thank you all so much for reading.If you have any suggestions, thoughts or ideas about today’s weekly post I’d love to hear from you in the comments at the bottom.)
Hello lovely readers and welcome back to myMindset Mondays Post! The only weekly newsletter that expresses gratitude after forcing you to concede…
Following a 4-3-2-1 approach, it contains 4 thoughts from me (that you should probably ignore), 3 quotes from others (that you should definitely read), and 2 things I’ve been reading, watching or listening to this week that have helped me grow.
As always, I’ve finished with 1 terrible joke that’s so bad, you won’t be able to help but laugh…
Expressing gratitude might just be one of the single best ways to interpret reality – for the fact that we are alive is an extraordinary miracle. That this is lost on us for the majority of our lives shows a sad and astonishing disconnect from the reality of what it means to be alive. Practising gratitude shouldn’t just be something you practise everyday but something you strive to practise every waking moment of your existence.
Isn’t it amazing that you can fail an unlimited number of times in life but still succeed? I find that reassuring. Sadly many of us allow repeated failure to grind us down. To tell us we are failures. It’s simply not true. The most successful people in life are the ones who have failed the most. It’s actually a measure of effort. It’s actually a measure of courage.
If there’s one thing I could get you to learn – I’d want you to see that you don’t need to achieve anything anymore. You don’t need to keep pushing for some goal to complete. You have everything you need. You’ve achieved it already. Slow down and look. Observe. See and experience what you have. Enjoy it. That’s the part of what it means to be truly successful that most of us fail at. Many people believe they’re successful yet can’t understand why they’re unhappy. People will never realise what true success is until they learn how to enjoy what they’ve already achieved.
3 x Quotes From Others:
“As we express our gratitude we must never forget the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them.”— John F. Kennedy
“It is only from such a place of gratefulness that we can perform beautiful acts — from a place of absolute, ravishing appreciation for the sheer wonder of being alive at all, each of us an improbable and temporary triumph over the staggering odds of nonbeing and nothingness inking the ledger of spacetime. But because we are human, because we are batted about by the violent immediacies of everyday life, such gratitude eludes us as a continuous state of being. We access it only at moments, only when the trance of busyness lifts and the blackout curtain of daily demands parts to let the radiance in, those delicious moments when we find ourselves awash in nonspecific gladness, grateful not to this person, grateful not for this turn of events, but grateful at life — a diffuse gratitude that irradiates every aspect and atom of the world, however small, however unremarkable, however coated with the dull patina of habit. In those moments, everything sings, everything shimmers. In those moments, we are most alive.” — Maria Popova(Source: https://www.brainpickings.org/)
2 x Things That Helped Me Grow
1 – This Mark Manson article – Shut Up and Be Grateful. In it Manson explains the why gratitude is linked to happiness and why all of us should be practising it. Well worth the quick read!
“For decades, research has tied gratefulness and appreciation to happiness. People who are happier tend to be more grateful and appreciative for what they have. But what they’ve also found is that it also works the other way around: consciously practicing gratitude makes one happier. It makes one appreciate what one has and helps one to remain in the present moment. Practicing gratitude increases accountability which directly leads to higher self-esteem and happiness.”
– Mark Manson
2 – Since we’re on the subject, this TED Talk video with monk and interfaith scholar (and Jedi master) David Steindl-Rast – Want to be happy? Be grateful. Well worth watching – just in case I haven’t labelled the point enough…
“It’s not happiness that makes you grateful. It’s gratefulness that makes you happy
“Become aware that every moment is a gift. You haven’t done anything to earn it… it was given to you.
“Opportunity is the gift within every gift. If you miss the opportunity of this moment another one is given to you. If we avail ourselves to this opportunity it is the key to happiness.”
– David Steindl-Rast
1 x Silly Thing To Make You Smile:
We decided to start potty training this week.
Progress has been non existent.
So you can imagine my surprise when I heard my boy cry out from across room, “Daddy! Look at the shit!”
At first I didn’t know whether to tell him off for swearing or express how proud I was for doing a poo all on his own.
And then I thought, ‘there’s no way he’s managed to do it on his own so soon… is there?’
But sure enough, when I walked over to have look, there it was – my son stood proudly, pointing at a picture of a ship in one of this books.
Then I thought, Thank God I misheard him.
Thanks ladies and gentleman. I’m here all week!
I want to finish this weeks post by taking a moment to express my gratitude to all of you – for everything. For all your support. For helping to keep my head above water this year. For giving my life greater purpose and meaning. For making me a better person. Connecting with each and everyone of you is what has made blogging so incredibly meaningful. You are why I will continue to do so for a long time to come.
Till next time… Happy (belated) Thanksgiving!
P.S. Don’t forget to exercise your silly muscle this week!
A couple of bonus questions for you all:
What are you grateful for this year? What has this year given you that others haven’t?
(Thank you all so much for reading.If you have any suggestions, thoughts or ideas about today’s weekly post I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.)
“The great gift of such periods is that they invite us to question our certitudes, our givens, these seemingly sure foundations that have lulled us into complacency — for it is only by being jolted out of our complacencies, cultural or personal, that we ever reach beyond the horizon, toward new territories of truth, beauty, and flourishing.”
– Maria Popova
So much of what I’ve heard this year from family and friends has centred around what they miss. The things they took for granted before the pandemic. Wishing and hoping for some return to normality.
While it’s nice to daydream I believe such thoughts take you away from the present moment. Where you live. Where it’s most important you find things you’re grateful for.
For that reason I thought I’d turn the topic on it’s head and ask you all what you will miss from this time in your life rightnow, when this whole pandemic blows over and normality resumes (whatever and whenever that is)?
Allow me to start.
I will miss the abundance of time I‘ve had with my family this year. I will miss seeing my precious boy grow during such a budding tender age. I will miss the times I’ve spent laughing, playing and being silly. I will miss being able to read him bedtime stories every night.
I will miss the time spent with my wife. Time that has brought us closer together. I will miss the heartfelt chats every evening before bed. Singing and chatting to her belly, feeling as my second child would wriggle and kick with excitement. A precious gift to bring in the new year.
I will miss connecting from isolation – long chats with family members and friends from all over the world. I miss the occasional virtual pub quiz.
I will miss the time available to pursue other ventures and pastimes. To read and write copious amounts. Time that has allowed my to both write and publish my first children’s book. Time that has allowed my to start and grow a blog – that has allowed me to connect with so many wonderful likeminded people from all around the world. People who have helped inspire me. Who have challenged me. Who have made me a better person.
I will miss regular sleep – which for a pilot, I can tell you, is something I never take for granted! I will miss having a stable routine. For having the luxury to take my time and do everything I wish during my days off.
I will miss the time to myself, the solitude. The time available to meditate at length and be still. To listen deeply. I will miss the way this has helped me gain insights I might never have made otherwise.
I will miss creating art, playing video games, binge watching NETFLIX and otherwise being a complete slob.
Let me finish by saying how incredibly grateful I am for a year that has challenged me considerably. For a year that has made me wiser and stronger. For a year that has made more integral. For a year that has brought me closer to the values I hold dear.
For a year that has given me something few others have. A much deeper perspective. A much greater resilience. A much deeper love and compassion for both myself and the wider world.
For a year that has put me in a better position to weather the storm ahead and come out on top. For a year that will make the rest of them that much brighter.
Happy (belated) Thanksgiving everyone! I was preoccupied the other day but wanted to take the time to practise some gratitude with you. Out of interest what are some of the things you will miss from this time in your life? If you want to humour me you can tell me some of things you won’t miss as well. Wishing you all the very best. With love, AP2 x
Why should you make your bed in the morning? Why should you shave? Why should you wear your best clothes? Why should you exercise? Why should you find 5 minutes to meditate?
Because all little these things are saying something. They are saying whether or not you think today is more or less important than others.
I always advocate wearing your best clothes (practically speaking of course). I always advocate going through your morning routine – especially if you don’t feel like it.
By doing so you are telling yourself to show up for today.
You are telling yourself that today is what matters the most.
That this moment is the most precious one.
This is always true.
Why wouldn’t you show up for what is always the most important day of your life?
Clear Air Turbulence 