Tag: stories

Stuck in the Clouds: On Shame, Taking the Autopilot Out and Owning the Story of Your Past

Stuck in the Clouds: On Shame, Taking the Autopilot Out and Owning the Story of Your Past

AP2

Hello lovely readers and welcome back to my high-flying newsletter! The only newsletter that takes a holiday without telling anyone…

Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good!

Let’s begin!

3 Thoughts:

1) “A good writer is a good listener. What you need to listen to is your subconscious. You allow what comes forward to dicate the terms. You’re not suppose to write with your head. Writing – good truthful writing – must come from the heart. It must comes from the gut. To do that you need to let go, listen and then type.” – click to tweet

2) “If you don’t own the story of your past, the story will own you. Here’s an exercise you might consider: Recall several defining, difficult moments from your life and write them out in painful detail. Try you best to understand why you took the actions you did. Try to forgive your past self as you do. Then, take a long hard look at what happened and ask yourself what you would do if the story repeated itself. With all the wisdom you now posses ask yourself how would you act if you got a second chance. Let that knowledge sink in. Use it to orientate yourself in the present. Wear it on your sleeve along with your heart. What will happen is this. An opportunity will present itself. The story will come full circle. You will have a chance to rewrite the ending.” – click to tweet

3) “The more time spent living a life on autopilot the less able we are to live a life of purpose on our own terms. We become scared of taking the autopilot out for fear of the inevitable turbulence we will experience. Yet, it’s in the turbulence with the autopilot out where we really learn to fly.” – click to tweet

2 Quotes:

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” 

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable… If we cultivate enough awareness about shame to name it and speak to it, we’ve basically cut it off at the knees. Shame hates having words wrapped around it. If we speak shame, it begins to wither. Just the way exposure to light was deadly for the gremlins, language and story bring light to shame and destroy it.”

― Brené Brown. (from “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead”)

1 Joke: 

A farmer and a butcher are having a conversation.

The farmer says to the butcher, “I don’t slaughter my calves until they have matured… You could say, I’m raising the steaks!”

The butcher pauses before replying, “That meat joke… It was well done!”

You can find more of AP2’s writing here at: https://wiseandshinezine.com

You can also find him on Medium at: https://anxiouspilot2.medium.com

You can also email him directly at: anxiouspilot2@gmail.com

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A Few of My Favourite Things

A Few of My Favourite Things

AP2

I’m curious to know what some of your favourite things are? But also, why are they your favourite things?

For example, why is your favourite colour blue? Or why is your favourite band, say, the Beatles? Why is your favourite food strawberry ice cream? 

Is it just because, or is there a deeper meaning behind those things?

I started thinking about this because my eldest son’s favourite animal is, well, something rather wonderfully odd.

This summer, we took him to a place in Hong Kong called Ocean Park. It’s a theme park filled with all sorts of animal exhibits and aquariums. The main aquarium is spectacular. Filled with giant manta rays, sharks, octopuses, walruses, seals, and other giant fishy things.

But my son wasn’t interested in any of those. He only had eyes for one animal. And he searched for them inside every single tank. 

Never mind the sharks and giant manta rays. Forget the massive walrus and the seals. The whole time he kept asking, “Daddy, where are the starfish?”

He absolutely loves them! We’ve been back several times and he’s always so excited to see them. And if you ask what his favourite animal is, that’s what he’ll tell you.

And, well, why not? I mean, an animal that is shaped like a star is pretty cool. I never really thought about it before. 

My wife and I were a little perplexed at this strange fascination, to begin with, but after giving it some thought, I believe there’s a deeper connection.

He has a love for outer space. He can name all the planets and tell you some strange facts about them, like Venus is the hottest planet even though Mercury is closer to the sun. 

I believe this stemmed from when we took him outside to look at the night-sky during the Full Moon festival over a year ago, when he was just 2 years old.

That evening the moon was spectacular. I recall him looking upward with such awe. It even frightened him. I remember holding him while he buried his eyes in my shoulder, occasionally peeking up to look at it before covering his eyes again.

I explained that the moon is our friend – always looking down on us. Sometimes we can only see part of it, sometimes we can’t see the moon at all, but it’s always there keeping watch while the sun attends to the other side of the earth.

Since that day, his fascination with the moon and space expanded. We read him lots of books on the topic. He loves looking up at the stars. He always asks where the moon and the planets are. For Halloween this year, he dressed up as an astronaut.

Now, I could be wrong. Maybe my son simply loves starfishes. But I believe it has a lot to do with his love of the moon and all things space-related.

When I think about some of my favourite things, I realise there’s usually a deeper meaning hidden behind them. It’s just, I often forget the why. My favourite colour is blue. When I think about why that is, I realise it’s because I have light blue eyes. As a kid, my parents used to tell me how beautiful they were. Weirdly enough I love drawing eyes too.

My favourite animal is the cheetah. I remember seeing it vividly as a kid on safari in South Africa. It was the first animal we saw on that trip. Within 5 minutes of driving into the reserve, we spotted this majestic cat feasting on an Impala. I remember our guide explaining that it was the fastest land animal on earth. I just thought it was the coolest cat on the planet. 

I still do.

There were lots of other memories from that trip. We followed a pack of lions as they hunted and killed a mongoose one evening. Our guide surprised us with a treehouse brunch overlooking the reserve on the last day. My family and I agree it’s our favourite holiday. 

I believe both my love of animals and travelling (another one of my favourite things) has a lot to do with that vacation. 

Anyway, I bring all of this up because it’s fast approaching my favourite time of year. And I thought, if you’re struggling to think about what to get your loved ones for Christmas this year, perhaps, instead of thinking about what they like, maybe it’s worth thinking about why they love the things they do? 

It might just give you the inspiration you’re looking for. If nothing else, reminding yourself of the deeper meaning behind the things you love might just bring out the wonderfully unique child in you too. 

As it happens, that’s exactly why Christmas is my favourite time of the year.

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You can find AP2’s personal blog here at: https://pointlessoverthinking.com

You can also find him on Medium at: https://anxiouspilot2.medium.com

Or on Twitter at: @AnxiousPilot

Kissed For The Very First Time

Kissed For The Very First Time

AP2

Ten years ago today, on April 8th, 2011, I met my wife for the first time at a dive bar in Hong Kong called Al’s diner. We immediately hit it off. The evening ended with us dancing to a number of 80’s classics. 

Despite several jello shots it took me a while to work up the courage to kiss her. I knew she was special and wanted to make sure I picked the right moment. The cheesy 80’s playlist, however, didn’t exactly set the mood.

At a certain point I told myself whatever song comes up it doesn’t matter, it’s now or never. And so, as one forgettable tune ended, with my heart in my throat, I met her eyes, leaned in and kissed her. 

Just as soon as we locked lips, Madonna’s, “Like A Virgin,” came blaring from the jukebox. 

“Like a virgin 
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats 
Next to mine
Whoa…”

A moment of classy romance it was not! It certainly wasn’t the song I would have chosen. Still, I had to commend the Gods on their sense of humour. We both had a good laugh about it.

Ultimately, of course, the song didn’t matter. What really mattered was the ten years that followed.Those years have been extraordinary to say the least.

Together we’ve flown in hot air balloons, jumped out of aeroplanes, swam with whale sharks – to list just a few of our adventures. It was on a layover in Rome I realised I loved her as we cuddled while watching the sunset from the Spanish steps. (There are few moments I can think as perfect as that one.) It was on holiday in Myanmar that I proposed to her on the shores of Inle lake.

It was 4 years ago – exactly 6 years after we met – on April 8th, 2017, that we got married at a micro brewery here in Hong Kong. We figured, “Why bring the booze to the party when you can bring the party to the booze?”

It was epic.

The song we chose for our first dance? You guessed it. Definitely not Madonna’s, “Like A Virgin.” (We have some class guys and gals, come on.)

Actually our friends orchestrated a surprise flash mob to Justin Timberlake’s, “Can’t Stop The Feeling.” It was one of the many highlights that day. That song became our first as a married couple.

Fast forward 4 more years and here we are with two ridiculous boys to our names. The youngest having just turned 3 months. (Can you do the math?)

April 8th will always be the most important day of the year for me. Symbolically it represents everything that followed when we kissed for the very first time 10 years ago. The truly beautiful life that we have made together.

I often wonder what my life would have been like had I missed my opportunity that night. If I’d not made a move because of the song that was playing. (There’s a lesson here about waiting for the perfect moment.)

I look around and imagine my boys vanishing. The apartment I live in transforming. Perhaps I wouldn’t have stayed in my current job for as long as I have? Maybe I wouldn’t live in Hong Kong? Perhaps the picture would be markedly different? Or perhaps the picture would be similar but with different faces?

One things for damn sure, the picture couldn’t be any better.

As I come back to reality and realise that none of it was a dream. That my reality – my unbelievably beautiful radiant wife, the now extraordinary mother to our two gorgeous silly boys – is the dream. I realise I wouldn’t change it for the world. I wouldn’t even change that song.

To my dear wife, when it comes to you, I regret nothing. (Although I’m not giving you anymore children.)

Happy Anniversary Gorgeous

With All My Love

Your Very Silly Husband X