Tag: words

Stuck in the Clouds: On Shame, Taking the Autopilot Out and Owning the Story of Your Past

Stuck in the Clouds: On Shame, Taking the Autopilot Out and Owning the Story of Your Past

AP2

Hello lovely readers and welcome back to my high-flying newsletter! The only newsletter that takes a holiday without telling anyone…

Following a 3-2-1 approach, it contains 3 thoughts from me (that you should ignore), 2 quotes from others (that you should read), and 1 joke that’s so bad, it’s good!

Let’s begin!

3 Thoughts:

1) “A good writer is a good listener. What you need to listen to is your subconscious. You allow what comes forward to dicate the terms. You’re not suppose to write with your head. Writing – good truthful writing – must come from the heart. It must comes from the gut. To do that you need to let go, listen and then type.” – click to tweet

2) “If you don’t own the story of your past, the story will own you. Here’s an exercise you might consider: Recall several defining, difficult moments from your life and write them out in painful detail. Try you best to understand why you took the actions you did. Try to forgive your past self as you do. Then, take a long hard look at what happened and ask yourself what you would do if the story repeated itself. With all the wisdom you now posses ask yourself how would you act if you got a second chance. Let that knowledge sink in. Use it to orientate yourself in the present. Wear it on your sleeve along with your heart. What will happen is this. An opportunity will present itself. The story will come full circle. You will have a chance to rewrite the ending.” – click to tweet

3) “The more time spent living a life on autopilot the less able we are to live a life of purpose on our own terms. We become scared of taking the autopilot out for fear of the inevitable turbulence we will experience. Yet, it’s in the turbulence with the autopilot out where we really learn to fly.” – click to tweet

2 Quotes:

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” 

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable… If we cultivate enough awareness about shame to name it and speak to it, we’ve basically cut it off at the knees. Shame hates having words wrapped around it. If we speak shame, it begins to wither. Just the way exposure to light was deadly for the gremlins, language and story bring light to shame and destroy it.”

― Brené Brown. (from “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead”)

1 Joke: 

A farmer and a butcher are having a conversation.

The farmer says to the butcher, “I don’t slaughter my calves until they have matured… You could say, I’m raising the steaks!”

The butcher pauses before replying, “That meat joke… It was well done!”

You can find more of AP2’s writing here at: https://wiseandshinezine.com

You can also find him on Medium at: https://anxiouspilot2.medium.com

You can also email him directly at: anxiouspilot2@gmail.com

***

To have my weekly newsletter delivered straight to your inbox sign up for my Stuck in the Clouds newsletter here. 

The Write Thing To Do

The Write Thing To Do

AP2

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

― GEORGE ORWELL

I hate criticism. Yet, I open myself up to it all the time. Not just because I’m an idiot, but deliberately with my writing. As some of you know, I sometimes write about delicate subjects.

As a writer, I believe I have to from an argument in order to challenge others. Otherwise the piece of writing amounts to a limp willy. It doesn’t penetrate anything!

But that inevitably means I end up drawing lines in grey areas. That opens the piece of writing – and me, by extension – up to criticism.

So, I often get anxious before I publish one of these posts. When someone does criticise my work, it feels like I’ve been punched in the stomach.

I end up questioning myself. Asking why I don’t just shut the fuck up and attend to my own garden.

I know I could easily write some hopeful feel-good post about love. That will certainly get more likes. But truthfully I love thinking about topics such as nihilism, religion, God, and death. Ones that many people avoid like the plague.

When I write about these things, as hard as I’ve thought about them, I know my argument isn’t fully formed. I know I must wrong on many levels. 

But does that mean I shouldn’t attempt to form one? Knowing that what I’m saying is wrong in some way, shape, or form (or perhaps entirely)?

Should I not try to make sense of the incomprehensible? Should I not try to have an opinion as poorly formed as it might be? Should I not put that opinion out there even if it is laughed at, stamped on, or completely torn apart?

Should we not do the same with any piece of art? As imperfect as it is?

That’s one of the main reasons I do: to help me find the blindspots in my thinking. Which are both gigantic and numerous. I’m not just trying to challenge you with my writing; I’m trying to challenge myself. 

There’s another reason.

When I feel particularly anxious about publishing something or hurt by someone else’s comments, I realise, at least, there’s some falsehood in me that I need to pay attention to. A part of my ego that needs to be broken down.

At the end of the day words are just words. We’re the ones that give them meaning. 

Being offended is my issue. It’s one I certainly have. But I’m not alone. If you’re offended by someone’s words that’s your problem. That’s your belief crashing with reality.

It’s your choice to get offended.

I’m not saying don’t challenge other people. Quite the opposite. What I am saying is check your own emotional reaction first. Look inward and note, “Hey, there’s something for me to think about there.” 

Then take a breath or ten. Re-read that post that angered you and really consider the argument – but also, crucially, what triggered your emotional reaction. If you really don’t agree with something, say so. 

You should. 

But maybe start with a point you do agree with, something you do like. There is a way to break the ice. If you hurl rocks at people they aren’t going to receive them.

When I see some of the comments people make. The sheer disdain. The savagery of certain trolls who feel the need to put others down. It’s no wonder people remain silent. 

Why would you want to subject yourself to that kind of torment? 

But what happens in a culture like this? Where people are so afraid to exercise their freedom of speech? What is happening?

I’ll give you an example.

The other day I was watching a gangster movie. A guy was kneeling before a mobster with a gun pointed toward his head. Just before the mobster pulled the trigger, the guy kneeling said, “Darn you!” Of course, this had been doctored so as not to offend people. But then, he has his fucking brain blown out!

What kind of fucked up morality is that?

To me it speaks to a country where guns are legal but saying something that might hurt someone else’s feelings increasingly isn’t. Where someone can get up on stage and slap someone else in the face before picking up his award to a standing ovation. 

Do we really believe cancel culture is having the desired effect? Is it really silencing hateful voices, or is it, in fact, encouraging them? Worse, is it not making good people less resilient in the face of those voices? Is it not making us all less tolerant?

Here’s where I contradict myself.

Words are just words in relation to the meaning we give them. But the ability to say those words in the first place is priceless. Freedom of speech isn’t a given. It’s something we must fight for. One way to do that is by exercising that freedom. So be brave and speak up. Say what it is you really think. 

Right or wrong. 

But be humble enough to consider the other side and admit when/where you might have it wrong. If you need help understanding something, ask questions. If you’re struggling to see it from the other side, become curious, not judgemental.

We all have our beliefs. We all cling to them out of security. We’re all ignorant to a large degree. We all just want to be heard.

Be sensitive to that. 

It’s so easy to attack others. It’s so easy to place them on a lower pedestal – to laugh at their mistakes or deride their point of view. It’s much harder to put yourself in their shoes and consider where their argument really comes from.

It’s even harder to put yourself out there despite these things – or rather precisely because of them – because you believe, as much as it hurts, it’s the right thing to do.

You can find more of AP2’s writing here at: https://wiseandshinezine.com

You can also find him on Medium at: https://anxiouspilot2.medium.com

You can also email him directly at: anxiouspilot2@gmail.com

***

To have my weekly newsletter delivered straight to your inbox sign up for my Stuck in the Clouds newsletter here. You know you want to…

I’m Back

I’m Back

AP2

When Micheal Jordan returned from the NBA after an extended hiatus his publicity manager was unsure how they should announce the news. So, he wrote a number of press releases for Micheal to choose from. 

But Jordan didn’t like any of them. He said, “I’ll do it myself.” before picking up a pen and writing down the following message,

“I’m back.”

That was it. The entire press release consisted of just those two words. Yet, everyone who was anyone knew exactly who and what. 

Of course, when you’re a legend like MJ you don’t need to say very much. In many respects, the less you say the better. You should let your actions do the talking.

Unfortunately most of us aren’t legends. Our actions usually don’t do the talking. That’s why we write! 

As much as I like to think of myself as the Micheal Jordan of the blogging world, I feel my press realise needs to be a wee bit longer. Mainly because my actions haven’t been talking at all.

Honestly, the last couple of months have been difficult for me. It’s felt like I’ve been stuck in the past. Desperately wishing to catch up with my family – my present – who had been waiting for me in Singapore while I saw out the remaining months of my contract in Hong Kong. 

Aside from failing to process some very difficult emotions, I’ve had a million and one things to do. I’m sure you can appreciate what a massive undertaking moving to a new country is.

For all of the above my motivation to write has gone begging. Instead, my muse has spent the last several weeks eating his emotions. I hesitate to point out he’s on a bit of weight..

This morning is the first time in a long time that I’ve sat down to really write and reflect. I quickly released how much I missed it. I released just how much I needed it. Even if my muse did struggle to get up from the couch!

I forget that writing helps me process my emotions. When I lose the motivation it may well be because I’m avoiding them. At any rate, I haven’t been. 

All things not said and not done, all I have are excuses. It comes back to actions versus words. There’s nothing wrong with having words, but they must align with action. That’s what makes them true.

As a writer, well, that means creating some words. 

I feel particularly guilty because I know how hard the rest of the team here at the new and vastly improved Wise and Shine have been working in my absence. 

Let me take this opportunity to say how extremely grateful I am to all of you for your efforts. Your actions do speak louder than words. They haven’t gone unnoticed. 

The good news is, I’m starting to feel like the seas are calming. Like I’ve finally caught up with my present self. 

I actually moved to Singapore last week. I managed to negotiate leaving a week early so I could arrive in time for my eldest son’s 4 year birthday. He’d been asking where daddy is for several weeks.

So, when I walked through the front door with suitcases in hand, his eyes lit up. He shouted “Daddy!’ before running across the living room and giving me a huge hug. As I struggle to hold back the tears, I said nothing. 

Not even the words, “I’m back.”

***

You can find more of AP2’s writing here at: https://wiseandshinezine.com

You can also find him on Medium at: https://anxiouspilot2.medium.com

You can also email him directly at: anxiouspilot2@gmail.com

The Simplest, Most Effective Way To Overcome Writer’s Block

The Simplest, Most Effective Way To Overcome Writer’s Block

AP2

Are you struggling for words? 

Stuck in a loop? 

Don’t know how to proceed? 

Do you feel like everything you’re writing is a pile of s***? That you’re making everything ten times worse than what you’d originally put down on paper?

Well fear not my friends, for I have the answer and boy oh boy is it a doozy!

I hope you’re ready because this will surely blow your mind.

Here it is…

The simplest, most effective way to overcome writer’s block is to…

KEEP WRITING

Yep, it’s that simple. 

Keep going. 

Keep plugging away and never give up. 

You have what it takes but you have to keep going.

You have to have the faith you’ll figure it out. That the words will come. Sometimes it takes revisiting and editing a damn post so many times you’ll wanna throw your laptop (and yourself) off the top of the highest skyscraper you can climb. 

Don’t do that.

Keep going. The struggle will pay off in the end I promise. Trust. 

I’ll add a couple more bonus tip for you.

You don’t have to write anything you don’t want to. Make sure you enjoy it.

Make sure you’re doing it because you love and believe in what you have to say. 

Forget the number of likes. That’s your ego’s need for attention. Listen to your heart. Your mind is meant to be its servant not the master. 

And if it really is too much. If you have been writing incessantly but only seem to be digging yourself an even messier hole to write yourself out of. 

Get outside and go for a walk. Or spend half an hour punching a bag. Whatever it is get out and do some exercise then come back to what you where stuck on. 

This always works wonders for me. In fact some of my greatest creative inspirations and solutions come from walking in my local park everyday. 

It really is be the best antidote. But once  you’ve had a healthy amount of time away don’t forget to come back and tackle that beast of a post you were stuck on. 

You will defeat it, if you simply keep writing…

(Sorry I ran out of words to say at this point so went outside to listen to the birds chirping in my local park. If you have any suggestions please do leave them in the comments section below.)